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View Full Version : Beta Reader for YA Scifi Romance (Short Story) - Looking for one more Beta



SBibb
07-20-2012, 03:08 AM
Looking for one more beta reader. Thanks! :-)

Hello,

I'm preparing to self-publish a short story (7000 words), but I would like it if someone could read over it and say what they think, and if anything sticks out at them as bad/good.

The genre is young adult, science fiction romance (not quite dystopia, though it does have similarties to books like Pandemonium). It would be good if you enjoy that type of story.

This is a prequel to another short story I wrote called Socks.

Feel free to private message me if interested, I'm only really looking for 1-2 people to read over it at the moment.

Thanks! :-)

Here's the begining, to see if it catches your interest:

Smoke covers the ground as the rotary beat of helicopters drowns out repeated warnings to get inside. The gray metal of the helicopter glints in the fire of a building, just a block away, and a klaxon rises in pitch, wailing louder than I’ve ever heard it before. A firm hand grips mine and Cory yanks me off my feet. “Come on!” he says. “We’ve got to get inside.”

What else is there to do? He half drags me into the lobby of a restaurant. Traces of fresh pancakes and hot maple syrup and pungent coffee smells mix with the ashy gunpowders odor from outside. The place is astonishingly empty for the morning hour. We navigate past upturned chairs and coffee stains, broken mugs lying forgotten on the floor.

Then we’re in the kitchen, where the thick ceramic tiles block out the sounds of chaos. Cory grabs the handle of the bunker and twists it, praying for it to turn. He pulls me to him, holding me tight as another explosion rattles the foundation. My head against his chest; his heart beat competes with the outside noise like drums.

We don’t have much time. I force my weight onto the handle, but even with both of us, the door’s already locked. If there’s an invasion, this restaurant will be the first to be ransacked.

Violeta
07-20-2012, 03:28 AM
I'm sending you a PM. ;)

SBibb
07-20-2012, 06:56 AM
Thanks, I've responded via e-mail. :-)

Looks like I have a beta reader now, so unless anyone really wants to read it, I should be good. Thanks! :-)

SBibb
07-26-2012, 08:14 PM
I got some very helpful critiques, went back and did some edits, and now I'm looking for one more beta who could look over the story in the next few days before I self-publish this. Anyone interested? :-)

New start to the story:
The sky is darker than I remember, and for some reason, my head smarts. A shape forms above me, blurry. "Matthew?" I ask. But that doesn't seem right. I cough, tasting acrid smoke, and my fingers touch a sticky warmness on my forehead. There's a cut there; I don't remember why. The gray metal of a helicopter glints in the fire from a building, just a block away. The warning system is playing repeatedly, but for the life of me, I can't tell what it says. A firm hand grips mine and then it's Cory who yanks me to my feet. “Come on!” he says. “We’ve got to get inside.”

What else is there to do? He half drags me into the lobby of a restaurant. Traces of fresh pancakes and hot maple syrup and pungent coffee smells mix with the ashy gunpowder odor from outside. The place is astonishingly empty for the morning hour. We navigate past upturned chairs and coffee stains, broken mugs lying forgotten on the floor.