View Full Version : Beta for first three chapters of a YA Fantasy

07-05-2012, 08:55 AM
While I beat my head into a wall trying to formulate a coherent query, I was wondering if anyone wants to take a peek at the first three chapters (plus the prologue :tongue) of my YA fantasy novel.

To summarize, my novel is about a seventeen-year-old immortal girl whose older sisters/guardians are kidnapped on the exact same day the people that are hunting her family find her. That’s basically the first chapter. The rest of the book consists of traveling to other realms, avoiding psychopathic blackmailing demons, flirting with the occasional king, trying to stay sane while being the host to a grumpy dark power and, of course (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247798#), rescuing aforementioned sisters.

The opening of the first chapter is here: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=248792

I'm not looking for any long term commitment, but I want to know if there are any apparent plot holes/bad dialogue/lengthy descriptions in the first three chapters. Chances are the same mistakes will be repeated throughout the story.

Feel free to PM me or post here or write me a poem or sing me a song if you're interested. ;)