Getting back into the flow?

Whatever you do, don't take a "break". I did that once and ended up not writing anything for six months. A despondency-induced "break" is damned hard to snap out of.

Just write something every day. What you write is not so important, and the quality of what you write is also not so important. Keep your brain trained to do it.

I suggest writing a letter to your boyfriend's grandpa. It sounds futile; it's not like you're ever going to give it to him, but it helps. My grandfather died in December and I was deeply shaken. I wasn't particularly close to him, but it was my first encounter with a death in the family, and I was crying all week and couldn't do much of anything. My thoughts were rambling and wild and unbidden and I found that writing a letter to my grandfather expressing what I felt, all my sorrow and sadness, helped. I sealed it up and put it in a drawer. I found it helped me heal.

Life is always happening. You've got to keep going.

I don't see anything wrong with a bit of a break if you need to. If you feel you need to write something like a letter before returning to the novel, go for it.

Otherwise, all I can really say is: you just do it. And go easy on yourself if you produce crap for a few days.

Sometimes, starting small works for me. Normally, I try to write 2K a day. But if I'm settling back in, it can be too much. Especially after something as difficult as a funeral.

In that situation, I might try just writing 500 words for a few days. Just to get myself working again. For me, I usually creep up after a few days of 500 because I get excited about my work again.

My condolences to you and your boyfriend.

After my dad died, I couldn't care less about writing. Or reading. Also, I was far too restless for anything involving words. It took several months to get that out of my system, and I think my writing was better for the break, but you have to do what feels right for you.

jjdebenedictis said:

Whatever you do, don't take a "break". I did that once and ended up not writing anything for six months. A despondency-induced "break" is damned hard to snap out of.

Just write something every day. What you write is not so important, and the quality of what you write is also not so important. Keep your brain trained to do it.

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Agreed. I wrote everyday and then my mom passed away over a year ago now and I still have not gotten back my regular writing habit. Re-building that habit is hard work.

friendlyhobo said:

Re-building that habit is hard work.

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No kidding. I'm finding the stress I'm under right now is just crushing and got out of the habit of writing daily and it's painful to open a doc and write right now.

Take a break from any projects you're working on if need be but don't break your rhythm of writing every day, even if it's dreck that will never see the light of day.

And that's my advice for getting back into it. Write anything, even if it's crap, even if it's not ever something you'll use or develop into a project. Write for 10 minutes, 100 words...something.

bearilou said:

Take a break from any projects you're working on if need be but don't break your rhythm of writing every day, even if it's dreck that will never see the light of day.

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this. Also, in the case of something horribly traumatic like the accidental death or one's own mother or father, or a rape, or having your house burn to the ground in a wildfire, the wonderful project one had been drafting might be forever lost. But a year or two later, this same writer might begin the best work s/he ever did.

Do whatever you feel you have to do. We all react differently to tragedy, and we all have different ways of coping. You're the only one who can really answer the question of what to do next, and when to do it.

You'll get back into the flow when the time is right. Forcing it can make it take longer, make it much more difficult. Do what feels right.

I like to re-read books that gave inspired me. Most of the time, I end up re-reading "No Plot, No Problem" by Chris Baty and "On Writing; a Memoir" by Stephen King.

I read this blog post a while back and it found it really helpful.
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2012/02/how-to-return-to-writing-after-long.html

Good Luck!

When my fiance' died in 1974 I quit writing. I didn't write again until my son was dying of cancer in 1981-2. So what is that? Eight years? I'm a person who believes that one's best work can come at any time. I burned all of the letters and essays I wrote in the 80s and ended up writing a book that got published in 2005. I'm not a person who writes a lot or fast, but I like to think some of my work has merit. Yours will too. Hang in there.

I am getting back into writing after a looooooong break. Over 2 years to be exact. Went through a divorce that wasn't exactly pleasant and just didn't feel like doing it any more. Part of it was because of the divorce and part was because of the fact that I owned a weekly newspaper for a year and had to write about stuff I didn't want to. That takes the wind out of your sails too.

A new muse, so to speak, has gotten me inspired to write again...but this time about what I want and only what I want.

First off, I'm very sorry for your loss. Given the strong emotional trigger for the break in your writing, I kinda agree with the sentiment that everyone will have a different process of getting back into the writing groove.

I myself am really low on discipline, so I have to physically drag myself to a situation where I have nothing else to do but write. After a 3-month break from writing, I started going to cafes with a pile of papers and a pen so that I won't be tempted by free wifi. I made myself stay there for 5 hours each day, regardless of how much I've written. It took about a month for the habit to firm up enough such that I could do that at home and know that I wouldn't end up slacking off.

Last September, I lost my grandmother. Two and a half weeks later, my husband's grandmother passed away. Then a week later, my 20yr old cat was dying and I had to watch her suffer all weekend. Needless to say, I was stressed out more than I had been in years.

I was sunk into a deep depression for a good six months and didn't write a word. One day after I dropped the kids off at school, I sat down in front of the computer and just started writing. It seemed that everything clicked and I was on a roll.

Everyone deals with loss differently. Just pick the best option for you.

I actually rarely write on weekends. I like to give myself a little break over that period of time, let some of the scattered thoughts coagulate (also there's the issue of time, which proves evasive during those two days). But I think perhaps, if it was a real fixture in your daily schedule, it might just be a matter of finding a time to write which suits you again. Writing is definitely not like riding a bike, but it's not something that should escape you after a weekend.

Jamesaritchie said:

Do whatever you feel you have to do. We all react differently to tragedy, and we all have different ways of coping. You're the only one who can really answer the question of what to do next, and when to do it.

You'll get back into the flow when the time is right. Forcing it can make it take longer, make it much more difficult. Do what feels right.

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Well said. Follow your instincts.

My condolences to you and your boyfriend.