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How to write a character's thoughts?

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csorensen

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I'm writing in 3rd person and want to express what my POV character is thinking...what's the best way?

I've seen it done a few ways, usually,

a) I hope my book is a bestseller! (where it is italicized, to show visually that there is a different thought process going on)

b) I hope my book is a bestseller, she thought. (where you just say it's what they are thinking)

b) I hope my book is a bestseller! (where you just state it, and the fact that there is the pronoun "I" in there, the reader should automatically know.

Any thoughts/suggestions on what is the most common/recommended way?

Thanks!
 

Andreas

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The first option ("a") is right. If you write his thoughts out instead of summarizing them ("He hoped his book would be a bestseller."), always italice his inner dialogue.
 

Kerosene

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I would take it this is 3rd limited?

Try to mix the internal thoughts with narration.

Stella held onto her original manuscript, wishing that it's be a bestseller.

That doesn't break flow as badly.


A is correct, B should have Italics, C is 1st POV.


If this is 3rd omni, it would be better to put it in choice B with italics to separate the character thoughts and situation focus.
 

Ken

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... as long as you're consistent about it I think you're okay. I usually use italics, myself. If the protag is doing a lot of thinking though then italics gets tiresome. Straight text may be the better option then. The important thing is that the reader gets what you're getting at with the least amount of effort.
 

Erin Kassikay

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Like Ken said, if you're consistent. Find what works for you.

In my novel, I can't use italics because italics means the voice in her head is talking to her. She's not crazy. She actually has a computer living in her brain. Personally, I don't like the idea of using "she thought" after the statement. It adds to the word count and if the statement isn't in quotes, I already assume it's thought.
 

goldhorse

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Goldhorse looked above at the responses. Haven't we done this before?

She shrugged and smugly pointed up a sentence.
 

Drey of Boon

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I go with A.

It frees me up to present my protagonist's inner thoughts as more stream-of-consciousness or a kind of internal dialogue.
 

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I've been struggling win deciding that too actually. I've seen the "she thought" done well. One puts the she thought after the first actual thought, which is in the first person, and continue on from there. So, "I hate this pizza, she thought. I hate the toppings. I want to tell them how much I hate their cheese."

Has anyone else tried this?
 

Erin Kassikay

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Goldhorse looked above at the responses. Haven't we done this before?

She shrugged and smugly pointed up a sentence.

I like this one. I tend to find myself reading OVER the ones that add, "she thought"
 

Jozzy

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In the Sharing Knife series, Bujold mixes it up. She tends to use italics for exact wording, but leaves general thoughts plain, like "Well, there wasn't any forever" below:

She opened her mouth and widened her nostrils as though she could breath him in and store him up. Forever. And a day. Well, there wasn't any forever. Then I'll take the day.
 

Little Anonymous Me

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This is how I do it:


Tiffany sighed and punched her pillow, wishing she could sleep. Thoughts of the fight kept rolling around in her head. She didn't have to me so mean to me. I didn't deserve that.

Obviously better written, but I switch from first to third in italics to show that this is their direct thought.
 

Bufty

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If you are properly in the character's POV it should be obvious that what is written is a thought, and if it is obvious then it also couldn't be anyone else's thought so there should be no need to say it is a thought at all.

George peered closer through the glass. The figure at the counter asked the assistant something then turned and pointed toward the display. George drew back. It was her. What the hell was Susan doing here? She should be in Newhaven -ninety miles away.
 

toomanycarbs

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George peered closer through the glass. The figure at the counter asked the assistant something then turned and pointed toward the display. George drew back. It was her. What the hell was Susan doing here? She should be in Newhaven -ninety miles away.


^ this
 

csorensen

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If you are properly in the character's POV it should be obvious that what is written is a thought, and if it is obvious then it also couldn't be anyone else's thought so there should be no need to say it is a thought at all.

George peered closer through the glass. The figure at the counter asked the assistant something then turned and pointed toward the display. George drew back. It was her. What the hell was Susan doing here? She should be in Newhaven -ninety miles away.

GREAT explanation! Thanks...
 

imagoodgurl4

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Good thread! So now, I have a question pertaining to thoughts. If you are using option A, then what is the proper way to write it in manuscript format? I've heard not to use italics, that if you underline the publisher will know it is to be italicized. Is this true or is it okay to use italics?
 

lorna_w

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If you are properly in the character's POV it should be obvious that what is written is a thought, and if it is obvious then it also couldn't be anyone else's thought so there should be no need to say it is a thought at all.

George peered closer through the glass. The figure at the counter asked the assistant something then turned and pointed toward the display. George drew back. It was her. What the hell was Susan doing here? She should be in Newhaven -ninety miles away.

+3

No italics except the occasional word or two. No "she thought" unless you are trying to distance reader from narrator or in a construction such as "was blah blah blah the case? She thought so."

You can italicize these days. I still underline.
 
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