Fork-time again

What if the road you're walkin' down is directly between the two new prongs? How do you know which to take?!?!!

I can't imagine how filthy dirty a fork lying in the road would be.

Go buy a new one!

Ew.

What the fork?! Another fork-ing thread?
Damn, it's been a long day...

I am not fond of being forked in such a manner.

Darn. I thought this was going to be a "Stick a fork in it. It's done." thread.

I prefer knives...

Yes, you know the title of this thread could be misinterpreted by some of us with dirty minds.

not if it's not fork-worthy

You are absolutely correct.. and this is intensified by the popular culture we experience which associates food (and by inference the utensils we use to eat food with) and sex. Case in point, the "spooning" position, which as we all know is exquisite for the woman and frustrating for the man, lying just above "can't we just talk" on the frustrat-o-meter... since the act of using the spoon frequently adds to a womans hips (hence the popularly named "mommy region") the association is intuitively obvious.

"Forking" has much more manly undertones, and is characterized in the same level as "laying pipe" although since that is not silverware related it has no place in this thesis. Forking is therefore a predominately male activity, hence the popular "fork in the road" saying being utilized since males predominately do the driving and thus are required to select which fork to take.

Sport-Forking or "Spork'ing" is an activity enjoyed by both males and females and usually lusted after by available members of both species. Although Sporking tends to decline in females in direct syncronization to the ravages of gravity. In males this proclivity is not realized, resulting in the gap in desire popularly known as the "Viagra Meatloaf" or "Ciallis Sticky-Bun".

Contrary to popular belief, the knife, although most closely associated as a phallic symbol, has not enetered the popular lexicon as such, mainly due to the instinctive reaction males experience when subjected to the thought of the "Bobbit" syndrom. The violence of the reaction undermines the attempt to link the knife to the phallus, resulting in the various attempts at metaphors of sex using the knife being doomed to failure. Popular sayings such as "knife dick" and "Spread her 'I cant believe its not butter' with my knife" have had little success in pentetrating the collective consciousnes.

Despite the failure of the knife, as a general rule, food is still akin to sex in most slang dialogs. "Blowing on your food" and "eating out" are obvious examples, as are the more obscure references to "candy-cane" and "Rocky Mountain Oysters".

In light of these parallelisms, can the vegetarian be considered a virgin? Can a person who uses the knife in one hand and the fork in the other be considered bisexual? Can chocolate really be better than sex? The answers are there, right on your dinner plate and in bed.

The fork is a cold, shiny tool to pierce, tear and ingest
Whoever has the fork in hand controls the meal of his choice
We're told the first few punctures are for are own good
Better chewed up in pieces than blown up in the oven
-- from "Forkboy", by LARD (J. Biafra vocals, A. Jourgensen et al. music)

My first thought was "fork in the eye."

Shadow_Ferret said:

I can't imagine how filthy dirty a fork lying in the road would be.

Click to expand...

I'm certain there are many around here who wouldn't mind a filthy fork or a dirty fork...

fork off?

What happens when I come to the spork in the road?

Fork It.

aspier said:

When you find a fork in the road, take it! But I suppose you know this, no?

Click to expand...

Yeah, but... I don't know where that fork has been!

Eating utensils are overrated

Not that I would know--I'm just sayin' sometimes, late at night, when nobody is around, and the moon is just right, and a person's hormones are...it could happen

I don't believe anyone's covered spoons or spooning yet; it must just be too boring.
And how about the high road or the low road or the fork less traveled?
How about when you have five forks instead of two to choose from and you haven't taken a placesetting course on which fork to use first?
That may be a new dieting idea! Give people so many utensils they don't know which one to use first so they never begin eating.

I read "fork-time again" and I thought yyyyeeeaaaah, baby! And after that, I was gonna go visit the smoking thread, then my night would be set!!

....but no. We're not talking about that. Well, some of us are, but no one who is especially cute and forkable. Sorry, folks.

See, and here I thought I was adding some bizarre form of Russian Roulette to my plan for the evening.