Getting flustered

You don't always need to respond. Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to come back straight away with a witty riposte. It isn't always needed.

scribbledoutname said:

...when it comes to any kind of written correspondence (even text messaging) things get tough.

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You posted that on a writing forum. That's funny.

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But I know *exactly* what you mean because in my prior business I ran into that all the time. I was swamped with work and people would comment or ask a question and I let those pile up because I *knew* it would take too long to answer...

...and then one day I wrote a similar email to someone and got back a 1-sentence reply, something like, "You're right about that."

That was the whole email. And I thought, "That guy is brilliant!"

After that I tried to answer every email right away with as short of an email as I could. If I had time and could relate an anecdote, fine, but if I was swamped like usual, well, the person got what I could afford to give right then.

I even created a signature in my email that said "Sorry for the short reply, swamped right now. - Jay" and tacked that into all those emails.

And like Once said, not everything needs a reply (but yeah, it's nice if you have time).

Jay

Absolutely. But not everything needs a response, and not all responses need to be witty, or long.

Don't let yourself get worked up about it (half talking to myself here).

scribbledoutname said:

Do you guys ever get flustered over the emails or personal messages or blog comments people send to you? And then postpone replying to them or ignore them, because you just don't know what to say in response?

I do, all the time I'm pretty social face-to-face but when it comes to any kind of written correspondence (even text messaging) things get tough. Maybe because it's often hard to think up something interesting or worthwhile to say in response...

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I do a lot of communicating by email due to my job and my volunteer activities, but I prefer face-to-face time when possible. I, however, am not a phone person.

I hate text messaging and only do it when my great-nieces send me messages, because they are kids and it thrills them what old great-aunt texts them back.

I moderate my blog, so all those emails get reviewed and published or not published.

I think of it the same way I think about a forum like this one. You don't have to reply to everything, but if you have something to say, just say it.

Pick your battles carefully and let the rest float to the foamy sea of digital flotsum.

I never get emails or Personal messages.

scribbledoutname said:

Do you guys ever get flustered over the emails or personal messages or blog comments people send to you?

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No, but I've been at it since the days of Bulletin Board Systems, in the late 1980s.

scribbledoutname said:

Maybe because it's often hard to think up something interesting or worthwhile to say in response...

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You're a writer aren't you? You're attempting a career which is nearly 100% based on finding interesting and worthwhile things to say, yet you're lamenting the fact that you cannot find it in yourself to come up with these things?

Either you are simply doubting your abilities, or perhaps you should take a long hard look at your chosen path. I suspect the former, in which case, the problem is not with your ability, it is with your confidence.

Haha, I'm kinda opposite. Online, I'm as witty as can be. On the phone, I clam up. In person, I'm a combination of both. But seriously, as has been mentioned, you don't have to respond to everything. I don't see how you'd have the time.

Yes but this is mainly due to my anxieties.

I'm exactly the same way.

scribbledoutname said:

Do you guys ever get flustered over the emails or personal messages or blog comments people send to you? And then postpone replying to them or ignore them, because you just don't know what to say in response?

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TOTALLY. In fact, I was *amazed* when I went to my first writer's conference last month - I thought for sure I would be overwhelmed by that surging tide of social networking, but I found myself having a business-card-swapping blast.

Then I went back to the Internet, and resumed pulling my hair out.

I think a lot of the charm of the real-world (or at least real-time) interactions is that they are instantaneous: you don't have but a handful of seconds to figure out your reply and go for it. For better or for worse, it's out there and you move on.

THIS stuff, on the other hand, lets you agonize over it for days. And I think that we (*especially* we) generate this expectation that everything we write should be polished, apt, appropriate, and well-considered. I wonder if it's not something like how housewives used to fret over keeping the place company-ready at all times, apologizing for every tiny thing and silently judging other people's guest towels when they went out visiting. (That might not be historically accurate; it's just the image that's stuck in my head.)

So, I am trying real hard to think of all this not-real-time media as a convenience, not an added expectation. I would absolutely invite you to join me in that.

if it's stressing you out then don't respond. who knows, maybe once the pressure is gone you may find the responses flow more naturally

For what it's worth, I think waiting a day to respond to things that fluster you should be the general rule. I often do this when I have an email to write about something that upsets me. I'll sit on it and do it the next day when I'm less emotional.

Imo, one of the biggest problems of the internet is that people are able (and do) to immediately respond to things with emotion rather than logic.