this is only the first page: the novel is about a rich girl name Dani Bong, who lives in Beverally Hills: Then her mother sends her away to London to live with her father: there she learns life without the glam of Beverally Hills: I put the name Dani Bong cause the character is Asian: and im doing Asain people: But if it needs to change, i can do that too: I wanted to get a good intro of Dani Bong, and introduce the character of how her life is in Beverally Hills: rich and luxery, and spoiled with an attitude: i would further add more people in the following pages, but i just want to know how's the first page: I heard that the covo was awarked to read, but i wanted to get the reader attention, and put some humor in it: If it needs improvent let me know, do you think im a good writer? I tired to get a good eye opener in the beginning: Is it a good one?Is it a good page so far? Here it is:
Every Girl wants to be me : Only a few are lucky to be me. Waking up and seeing the beautiful ocean outside my window, smelling the fresh french bread downstairs cooked by the professional cook: Living in a white house that's private property twice the size of your regular home, and living in the beautiful Beverly Hills makes my life complete. I wouldn't want it any other way: A Rich Girl is always a Rich girl, no matter where she goes: Dani Bong is laying on a beach chair outside on the patio pool. The sun touches her white asian skin with dark brown hair:The sun is too strong, she has to cover her brown eyes with chanel shades. In her hand is a Strawberry chilled smoothie.
" Can you put more cream on" Said Dani to the Guy in a white shirt giving her a foot massage.
" How do you stay so toned, you have runners legs" said the guy in white
" aww... Jenny craig: Give her a call" said Dani. Dani's Mother comes out on the patio seeing Dani getting in a tan with her pink binki on:
" How long are you going to be out there?"
" Just 5 more minutes okay" Dani demanded
" Instead of getting a tan, you'll turn into a lobster if your skin goes red"
Dani look's impatient. " I said 5 minutes" - " Dani there are other things to do then to just lay around and get a tan" - " this is what I planned Mom" " Plan something else: Go shopping, get some new shoes" Dani Mother's left, while Dani look's annoyed. She get's up, and she wraps a blue towel around her. - " Is there anything else you did Miss?" - " No that will be fine" Dani leaves the patio, and goes inside. " Miss do you need anything?" Said the blonde maide. " Get my car out, im going out" " Yes Miss" Dani heads upstairs. She later then comes out in a skin tight jeans with a halter top, with a expensive bag: - - " Mom im going out" " have fun Dani" -
Every Girl wants to be me : Only a few are lucky to be me. Waking up and seeing the beautiful ocean outside my window, smelling the fresh french bread downstairs cooked by the professional cook: Living in a white house that's private property twice the size of your regular home, and living in the beautiful Beverly Hills makes my life complete. I wouldn't want it any other way: A Rich Girl is always a Rich girl, no matter where she goes: Dani Bong is laying on a beach chair outside on the patio pool. The sun touches her white asian skin with dark brown hair:The sun is too strong, she has to cover her brown eyes with chanel shades. In her hand is a Strawberry chilled smoothie.
" Can you put more cream on" Said Dani to the Guy in a white shirt giving her a foot massage.
" How do you stay so toned, you have runners legs" said the guy in white
" aww... Jenny craig: Give her a call" said Dani. Dani's Mother comes out on the patio seeing Dani getting in a tan with her pink binki on:
" How long are you going to be out there?"
" Just 5 more minutes okay" Dani demanded
" Instead of getting a tan, you'll turn into a lobster if your skin goes red"
Dani look's impatient. " I said 5 minutes" - " Dani there are other things to do then to just lay around and get a tan" - " this is what I planned Mom" " Plan something else: Go shopping, get some new shoes" Dani Mother's left, while Dani look's annoyed. She get's up, and she wraps a blue towel around her. - " Is there anything else you did Miss?" - " No that will be fine" Dani leaves the patio, and goes inside. " Miss do you need anything?" Said the blonde maide. " Get my car out, im going out" " Yes Miss" Dani heads upstairs. She later then comes out in a skin tight jeans with a halter top, with a expensive bag: - - " Mom im going out" " have fun Dani" -
