PDA

View Full Version : Can someone please tell my wife I'm not a pimp?



louisgodwin
12-31-2005, 05:37 PM
My wife is about to drive me insane. I'm not a computer person, never have been. She thinks that because of my sudden, compulsive interest in the internet in recent months that I must be having some kind of on-line affair. She doesn't understand how addicting AW is. She saw a special about on-line affairs on Geraldo *roll eyes* and thinks that because I show some of the warning signs, that I must be digitally boinking some chick.
The only thing I can think of to do to convince her that I'm not is ask the good people at AW to please post something in this thread assuring my wife that I'm not some horny bast*rd cruising the boards, trying to get laid.
I can't believe I actually have to do this. It's sad.:rant:

brokenfingers
12-31-2005, 05:43 PM
You didn't tell her about "us" did you? :D

Carole
12-31-2005, 06:21 PM
Oh, this is close to home. I met hubby online 9 years ago. He has a laptop and keeps it with him out of town. He isn't looking for someone else, though. You just gotta trust eachother. The imagination is usually far worse than the reality.

Women and men are wired differently. Since hubby can't hear me on this, maybe you can. If your wife is upset, you gotta let her know that she is a higher priority than the computer without question. (with actions..not with words) If not, she'll think there are grounds for her thoughts. Maybe it's fair and maybe it's not, but in the grand scheme of things, your relationship with her has to be first. If you shut it all down to hang out with her when she wants, she'll know that the computer isn't the most interesting and intrigueing thing you have going. If you get angry and defend your right to hang out online, she'll believe that it is more important than her.

I know it doesn't sound fair. Hubby and I have fought this fight for years. I know he isn't *one handed typing* with some chick and I know he isn't out of town trying to find someone to hook up with. Thing is, there have definitely been countless times when he defended is *right* to do whatever the hell he wants regardless of how it affected me.

He's a terrific guy and he's never online at home. And he's pretty damn cute. Some days that's all that saves him.

astonwest
12-31-2005, 06:32 PM
Just let her read your posts over your shoulder...

Vanessa
12-31-2005, 06:37 PM
Dear Wife of LouisGodwin,

His playground is right here. As a matter of fact, if you look around, there are lots of toys to play with. This place can be addictive. VERY! We're all one big normal family who has a life, but rather spend a lot of it here. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

So please don't think for a second that he's boinking a cyber chick. I know he has all the symptoms.http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif And, if he tends to spend too much time here, then we'll send him to the AWWC Anonymous Meeting (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20249). Promise!!!! We won't let you down girl!http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/wink.gif

Nice chatting with ya,
Vanessa

Hannah
12-31-2005, 06:50 PM
I met my husband online too a few years back, but it was an internet dating site. I didn't intend on looking for a guy to marry, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity; he's a cool dude, and a good friend.

Both of us each have our own computers, and we're both on it all day. I don't think he's flirting around with some chick online. I haven't had any headaches since I married him ;)

But I do get jealous sometimes, very occasionally, if heís typing on his computer with long bursts. I might say something like, "Who are you typing a letter to? Your girlfriend?"

Last night, for instance, he was out after midnight photographing stills (film stills) on a movie set (he's a photographer), and I text messaged him every thirty minutes to see what he was up to :tongue I just wanted him to come home, hadnít seen him in a couple of hours. Okay, it did cross my mind for a moment that he fell in love with one of the actresses and ran off with her. But heh, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

But I have not seen your behavior unbecoming of a husband. I'm one of those chicks who look after everybody's husband to make sure they do right by their wives--the cheater police. :D

Carole
12-31-2005, 07:07 PM
I think maybe I should have been a little clearer in my post. Of course WE all know that Louis isn't into something he oughtn't be...but a wife who desires more time is a wife who desires more time. Plain & simple. She probably knows deep down that she doesn't have anything to worry about, too, except for being left out.

Addiction to AW, addiction to the internet in general isn't necessarily a good thing, especially for someone who's wife/husband feels left out or neglected.

I remember the theory that for a person with an internet addiction, it affects the brain much in the same way as cocaine. I was there several years ago and so was hubby. I can say that I definitely felt that strong pull. Like no matter what I was doing, I just couldn't WAIT to log on. For someone with a regular life, that most often dies down eventually as the sparkle of it all gets ho-hum.

elisadasilva
12-31-2005, 07:08 PM
Dear lord,

I met my husband online too. Is this a AW trend or what?

Louis, may I suggest that you install a keyloggger and let her read it whenever she likes? In fact, let her choose the pwd to access the program so she can't accuse you of deleting parts of it.

In time, she will come to trust you once she has proof that her fears are unfounded.

DeniseK
12-31-2005, 07:12 PM
If you were wanting to bonk somebody online, you wouldn't be wasting your time on a writer's site. I mean, yeah, all the women here are hot, but we are also above reproach, chaste, virginal, ok, maybe that's stretching it a bit....;)

Carole
12-31-2005, 07:15 PM
I think it's just a trend in general. So many of us spend much of our lives behind a keyboard at work and in our off time. It's possibe to meet people online so it is a natural thing for someone who is looking. It's not that different from meeing people at a bar or at a party. In many ways, it's a lot safer if you use your head.

Hubby and I met a little over 9 years ago online, but it was a year after that before I ever laid eyes on him. We spent a lot of time on the phone and writing letters and emails before either of us felt comfy about meeting in person. I even talked with his parents on the phone several times before I went to Florida.

DeniseK
12-31-2005, 07:18 PM
I don't think all these stories of meeting your SO online are helping Louis' case. :cry:

Hello, Mrs. Louis? Your husband is here strictly for the enjoyment of and learning opportunties provided by hanging out with other writers.

Carole
12-31-2005, 07:20 PM
Yikes! You are probably right. I meant to imply that he isn't looking. Ok, I think I need coffee.

Sorry, Louis. I'll go be quiet now.

Maryn
12-31-2005, 07:59 PM
Dear wife of our friend--

He's not looking. He's not even flirting. He's interacting with friends (both male and female), joking around, exploring ideas he'll incorporate into his writing, learning ways to improve it, and making valuable connections he'll use when he needs them to further his writing career.

If you have any doubts, join this site yourself and read his posts. He's a good guy. (But you already knew that, right? Right.)

Take your Geraldo with not a grain of salt but a salt block big enough to handle the local deer population. I graduated from Geraldo Rivera's alma mater, in the same Journalism department. The display in the department office included a list of working journalists who'd graduated from UofA and what form of journalism they were doing now and where. The list of newspapers, magazines, radio, and TV networks employing our graduates was pretty impressive, and Geraldo was the most famous.

Last time I was there, his name was gone. I asked my former professor, who is now head of the department. His reply: "What he's doing is no longer journalism."

Maryn, who agrees

PattiTheWicked
12-31-2005, 08:14 PM
Dear LouisGodwin's Wife,

Louis is hanging out with other writers. We all help each other out, share stories, ideas, happy news, sad news. We offer ideas, suggestions, critiques, and help when it's needed. Sometimes, we all get downright silly.

But I've never seen Louis flirt with any of us, and beleive me, there are some saucy wenches here at AW.

Seriously, he's a good guy, and it's all cool.

patti,
who sometimes wishes her own husband would find a place online as cool as AW

maestrowork
12-31-2005, 08:29 PM
Louis, your secret is safe with me. ;)

Dear wife,

Louis is a good guy. He never flirted with me.

Signed,
Hot Online Love (aka HOL)

Cathy C
12-31-2005, 08:37 PM
I think it's perfectly understandable why your wife would be concerned at a sudden change of normal behavior. I absolutely know my husband wondered the same thing when I found AW and started to spend time posting here. Let's face it, over 1,200 posts in six months?! That's a lot of time spent here, when I'd never done much in the way of on-line stuff before! But every day when I drop by, there are between 50 and 150 posts from the time I was down. Some threads I won't read. But others I do. There are over 4,000 members on AW, and if even 10% of them post every day, that's a LOT to look at!


But rest assured, Mrs. Godwin, that this is 95% a site where people get together to talk about the process of writing and publishing. The other 5% is silly stuff that has nothing to do with sex (other than the occasional tease, like Maestrowork posted above.) My hubby has sat by my side for hours, reading threads and finally decided that most of the time is waiting for things to load (we're on a dial-up connection). ;)

We'll keep an eye on him. Promise from one Texan to another! :)

Mike Coombes
12-31-2005, 08:38 PM
I found out some time ago that if a partner is feeling insecure about your time spent online, it doesn't necessarily mean that they suspect, but id does mean you're neglecting them.

My most productive time is midnight to 3am, but my partner, understandably, would rather I was in bed with her than sitting downstairs with my laptop, so now, unless I have something pressing to do, the computer goes off.

rhymegirl
12-31-2005, 08:46 PM
I'm wondering what those warning signs are???

BradyH1861
12-31-2005, 08:49 PM
Louis has never flirted with me either.

Brady

Mike Coombes
12-31-2005, 08:51 PM
Louis has never flirted with me either.

Brady

Pimps don't flirt.

Anyway, he's not a pimp, he's a drug dealer.

BradyH1861
12-31-2005, 08:55 PM
Pimps don't flirt.

Anyway, he's not a pimp, he's a drug dealer.

Damn! Now you've outed him.

Guess I'll have to find another supplier.

And "drug dealer" is such a harsh term. I prefer to use "seller of nefarious substances".

Brady

Celia Cyanide
12-31-2005, 09:17 PM
Dear Louis Godwin's wife,

Louis comes here a lot because the conversations are so stimulating, and it's fun kickin' it with other writers. You don't find many message boards this awesome. And besides, cybermacks are not well-liked around here, so the fact that he's still around proves he's not.

Rachel

tiny
12-31-2005, 09:38 PM
Okay, okay. Not a pimp, but said something really, really, funny in his post that I'm just dying to point out but can't because that would be wrong and the whole classs would look at me in disgust....... ahh. That sorta makes me feel better.

Plus, we all know it's Ray who's been digitally sparkin' the ladies.

veinglory
12-31-2005, 09:40 PM
At least she is telling you here suspicions rather than snooping around! You might want to make sure your new online time isn't meaning you are seeing less of her? then she might have some cause for being annoyed regardless of the nookie-less nature of the surfing? Make some time for your girl--oh, and try and get her hooked on some web-forums of her own so that the pot and the kettle are equally black ;) -- What does she like? Cooking, photography--I am sure we can find her something...

BradyH1861
12-31-2005, 10:11 PM
Cooking, photography...

My wife prefers photography to cooking. She takes wonderful pictures, but pretty pictures do not a meal make.

Brady

astonwest
12-31-2005, 10:15 PM
At least his wife didn't run off to have a hot internet fling with someone else, as payback for the one she thinks he's having...

yet.

September skies
12-31-2005, 10:25 PM
Dear Louis' wife:

You have such a great husband. He's never done anything here that is wrong. I've only been online a few months, and I too spend too much time on here (between writing) so I know this place is just a fun place to come in and read, post, and have fun. Look at his post count and you can see he is quite active in the threads. Then you can also read the threads and see that we all just have fun. Just one word of advice: Don't believe half of what certain people say. For example: people named Mike Coombs and Brady and Ray (Maestro) But once you start seeing things around here, you'll catch on.

Dear Louis: Carol gave some great advice. As hard as it is, there are times when you have to force yourself to turn off the computer and let your wife know that she comes before everything else. I'm lucky - my husband is a real computer-geek. We have side by side computers. So while he's reading news from around the world, or on Ebay (he's a big ebay fan) I'm on here. We share things back and forth. More often than not, I'll start laughing out loud and he'll look over at me and I'll share something on here and he'll either smile or roll his eyes and get back to his own screen.

It used to be I'd finally go to bed to watch television and he'd stay up another hour or two - but ever since I discovered this site, I'm last to turn off the computer.

Hannah
12-31-2005, 10:33 PM
At least she is telling you here suspicions rather than snooping around! ...


I've done that too! I'll read my husband's emails while he's sitting in front of me, or I'll say, "Honey, I read your emails today." He'll say, "I don't care."

We have an open door policy. :D

DaveKuzminski
12-31-2005, 10:40 PM
Louis, I promise I won't mention that night you spent with Larry and Willem. ;)

reph
12-31-2005, 10:57 PM
Dear Mrs. Godwin,

Ask Louis to show you a page on Absolute Write where he's posted. Under his name (the name he goes by, which may not be his real name) is the number of posts he's made on this forum. When I looked, it exceeded 500. Composing and typing 500+ messages takes a while. No doubt he spends even more time reading others' messages.

On this forum, we communicate behind the scenes by attaching comments to reputation points. Maybe Louis will also show you his collection of points. There probably isn't anything flirtatious in the comments. There isn't in mine.

Less often, we also communicate by sending private messages. He might show you those, too.

My husband and I follow online forums, but different ones. In between, we use what we've read and written as conversation material ("What's up with your writers today?"). Perhaps Louis isn't telling you what went on at AW because he doesn't think it would interest you. If he tells you, his report might or might not interest you, but it ought to allay your suspicions.

Sincerely,
Reph

veinglory
12-31-2005, 11:05 PM
My wife prefers photography to cooking. She takes wonderful pictures, but pretty pictures do not a meal make.

Brady

My latest addiction is stock photography--I just have a point and shoot camera but I upload the pictures to shutterstock.com and people buy them! there is also a great forum their were the amateur and more experience photographers mix and chat.

threedogpeople
12-31-2005, 11:32 PM
Have you considered giving her your password so she can see for herself that you aren't doing anything wrong?

Mike Coombes
12-31-2005, 11:34 PM
Damn! Now you've outed him.

Guess I'll have to find another supplier.

And "drug dealer" is such a harsh term. I prefer to use "seller of nefarious substances".

Brady

Groove-vendor?

Mike Coombes
12-31-2005, 11:35 PM
I'll read my husband's emails while he's sitting in front of me,

You mean he has a screen strapped to his back?

JennaGlatzer
12-31-2005, 11:41 PM
Dear Wife of Louis,

Hi. I run this joint. If Louis were doing anything wrong around here, I'd slap him. He isn't. He's just found some online friends who share his love of writing. Hope these messages help you rest a little easier. Now smooch your good husband.

:)
Jenna

mkcbunny
01-01-2006, 12:02 AM
Dear Louis,
How about locating some of your posts that ask a question about writing, or offer help to someone? These might demonstrate how you're learning from and helping the AW community. Or even something in TIO where you get really involved in politics and express yourself.

Dear Wife of Louis,
Louis is very well behaved. We all enjoy coming to AW for help, guidance, discussion, and the occasional joke. There's nothing unseemly going on here.

- Mary

rhymegirl
01-01-2006, 12:33 AM
Okay, now to be more serious.

To Louis's wife:

Your husband is a nice guy who has made a lot of friends here. Yes, this place is addictive. We give each other helpful writing advice here at AW but we also talk about issues of the day, plus do a lot of kidding around because that makes life easier to deal with.

This is a group of very smart, very talented, very creative and very funny people. It's easy to see why it's so addictive when you spend some time here.

Everybody's life needs balance. As long as your husband spends time with you and has other hobbies and interests, I'd say everything is okay.

WerenCole
01-01-2006, 12:55 AM
Damn! Now you've outed him.

Guess I'll have to find another supplier.

And "drug dealer" is such a harsh term. I prefer to use "seller of nefarious substances".

Brady


I'm here for ya buddy. . .

meet me behind the water cooler. . . right beside the Beware forum. . .


-W

BradyH1861
01-01-2006, 01:03 AM
Groove-vendor?

That is GREAT!

Brady

DaveKuzminski
01-01-2006, 02:25 AM
Shhh! Don't anyone mention the secret topic that Louis maintains for his sweeties or the secret code page he directs them to for reading messages out in the general topics so they'll know when to visit THE SECRET TOPIC PAGE. Okay? Good. ;)

Hey! At least I didn't mention his Secret Internet Fling topic.

PrettySpecialGal
01-01-2006, 12:31 PM
Hi, Jeff- thought I'd share a bit, too. We've had a bit of fun- and most of us know that you're an insurance agent in Texas and have horses. We also know that you are married, write horror, and have a great attention to detail.
As for me, I've had you read and critique my works in progress, and you have, on more than one occasion, provided great insight that has helped me grow as a writer. Even while goofing around on the boards, you have helped me understand the power of even one word, and again, have helped be grow as a writer. That's what we all seem to be here for. We all have a passion for words, and not to say that our spouses are not important, but there is a need to share a passion with others- even if it is the passion for words. We share the passions for other things elsewhere, like home.
So, from me- thanks a bunch for staying on the AW board and having fun with it all. And thanks for the critiques and suggestions.
PSG

louisgodwin
01-01-2006, 01:00 PM
My thanks to everyone who posted. My wife is asleep right now, but I plan on showing this thread to her in the morning. Happy New Year to all!

And I will take the advice given several times by the ladies here and start spending less time on the computer and more time with her.

writerterri
01-01-2006, 01:30 PM
Hi Louis's wife-

He is a good and faithful guy, and I am not recieving any payment to say this. He just promised to buy my books. Oops!

I just got in trouble for being here too- so g'night.

Terri