Stupid things writers say

I'll just get on AW for five minutes and then start writing.

The main stupid thing that writers can say, more or less, appears to be:

"You moronic sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being BAD REVIEWER, die, just die!"

At least, that one gets lots of press and blog/forum space.

kuwisdelu said:

I'll just get in AW for five minutes and then start writing.

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This.

The Lonely One said:

In response to the non-writers thread.

"What do you write about?"

My response: Are you just trying to make me look like a moron?

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I often respond to that with the ever brilliant "Uh, you know...stuff."

(Admittedly when asked by people who aren't familiar with speculative fiction, but still, it's not my brightest response.)

"I plan on making lots of money writing novels, like Stephen King."

"I'm so good, I don't need an editor to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

This whole forum is full of sucks who don't understand my genius.

Until you've written a full length novel, you can't say shit about mine.

mirandashell said:

This whole forum is full of sucks who don't understand my genius.

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Depends on who's saying it.

Oh there are so many...

"Yes, I can absolutely get those ten thousand words on the crisis in the Albanian lawnmower industry to you by the end of the week."
Where the hell is Albania anyway?

"Of course I'll read your novel, Random Aspiring Writer Approaching me though Twitter. Wait, it's how long?"

"Dear Agent, I am seeking representation..."
But I couldn't be bothered to find out your name...

"Dear Agent, I am seeking representation..."
And yet this is a query letter to a publisher...

"Don't pull any punches with your critique. Be brutal. I can definitely take it."

"I'm going to post on my blog every day, without fail!"
(I'm sure I'll be able to come up with something fascinating to say every day and won't be reduced to posting pictures of my cat by the end of the first week.)

"Oh I can't be bothered to do my backups today. I'm sure it will all be fine."

"Ah! I have the house to myself, no appointments, no deliveries or visitors, no distractions, nothing to do but write. This will be such a productive day." JINX!

Great thread idea!

Mine is "I'll make time to write tonight." (Yeah, when I'm so exhausted I can't spell my own name right.)

Becky Black said:

"Ah! I have the house to myself, no appointments, no deliveries or visitors, no distractions, nothing to do but write. This will be such a productive day." JINX!

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yeppers

Stupid muse, be more inspiring!

How can you criticize that? I meant for it to be that way!

When trying to describe my book:

"Well, you know who Mary Pickford was, right?"

And then I get a blank stare. I know then to shut up, because this person and I have nothing in common, and it's not even worth wasting words. I just say historical novels.

"Why does writing have to be so HARD?"

My novel has went threw spiel Czechs, its got allot a Polish, you can reed gist four continence.

Writing easy. Editing Sucks!!!!

I'm going to write 3000 words daily (forget the overtime schedule you're on, which leaves you so exhausted you can't even remeber how to turn on your computer.

"I'd like to quit my job soon and take up writing full time."

"I put a bunch of poetry together last night, I bet I can get it published."

It's like Tolkien, except I made the elves and dwarves friends just to be different."

"You're interrogating the text from the wrong perspective."

Becky Black said:

"Don't pull any punches with your critique. Be brutal. I can definitely take it."

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What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.

TTCleveland said:

"You're interrogating the text from the wrong perspective."

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Can I use that one?

"E-book piracy is stealing because..."
"E-book piracy is not stealing because..."

(Not in order of stupidest.)