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The Lonely One
01-13-2012, 10:26 PM
In response to the non-writers thread.

"What do you write about?"

My response: Are you just trying to make me look like a moron?

kuwisdelu
01-13-2012, 10:50 PM
I'll just get on AW for five minutes and then start writing.

Phaeal
01-13-2012, 10:53 PM
The main stupid thing that writers can say, more or less, appears to be:

"You moronic sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being BAD REVIEWER, die, just die!"

At least, that one gets lots of press and blog/forum space. ;)

Mclesh
01-13-2012, 11:03 PM
I'll just get in AW for five minutes and then start writing.

This.

KaiaSonderby
01-13-2012, 11:59 PM
In response to the non-writers thread.

"What do you write about?"

My response: Are you just trying to make me look like a moron?

I often respond to that with the ever brilliant "Uh, you know...stuff."

(Admittedly when asked by people who aren't familiar with speculative fiction, but still, it's not my brightest response.)

Drachen Jager
01-14-2012, 12:07 AM
"I plan on making lots of money writing novels, like Stephen King."

PamelaCaves
01-14-2012, 12:39 AM
"I'm so good, I don't need an editor to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

mirandashell
01-14-2012, 12:43 AM
This whole forum is full of sucks who don't understand my genius.

thebloodfiend
01-14-2012, 12:53 AM
Until you've written a full length novel, you can't say shit about mine.

Drachen Jager
01-14-2012, 12:57 AM
This whole forum is full of sucks who don't understand my genius.

Depends on who's saying it. :P

Becky Black
01-14-2012, 01:21 AM
"Yes, I can absolutely get those ten thousand words on the crisis in the Albanian lawnmower industry to you by the end of the week."
Where the hell is Albania anyway?

"Of course I'll read your novel, Random Aspiring Writer Approaching me though Twitter. Wait, it's how long?"

"Dear Agent, I am seeking representation..."
But I couldn't be bothered to find out your name...

"Dear Agent, I am seeking representation..."
And yet this is a query letter to a publisher...

"Don't pull any punches with your critique. Be brutal. I can definitely take it."

"I'm going to post on my blog every day, without fail!"
(I'm sure I'll be able to come up with something fascinating to say every day and won't be reduced to posting pictures of my cat by the end of the first week.)

"Oh I can't be bothered to do my backups today. I'm sure it will all be fine."

"Ah! I have the house to myself, no appointments, no deliveries or visitors, no distractions, nothing to do but write. This will be such a productive day." JINX!

heyjude
01-14-2012, 02:03 AM
Great thread idea!

Mine is "I'll make time to write tonight." (Yeah, when I'm so exhausted I can't spell my own name right.)

sassandgroove
01-14-2012, 02:14 AM
"Ah! I have the house to myself, no appointments, no deliveries or visitors, no distractions, nothing to do but write. This will be such a productive day." JINX! yeppers

archerjoe
01-14-2012, 05:02 AM
Stupid muse, be more inspiring!

Drachen Jager
01-14-2012, 06:49 AM
How can you criticize that? I meant for it to be that way!

Hip-Hop-a-potamus
01-14-2012, 06:55 AM
When trying to describe my book:

"Well, you know who Mary Pickford was, right?"

And then I get a blank stare. I know then to shut up, because this person and I have nothing in common, and it's not even worth wasting words. I just say historical novels.

Celia Cyanide
01-14-2012, 07:59 AM
"Why does writing have to be so HARD?"

The Lonely One
01-14-2012, 08:15 AM
I've heard "anyone can write a book" both from aspiring writers and non. Yep, anyone can write a book. It's easy. You just print out hundreds of pages from MS Word and stash them under your bed.

Chase
01-14-2012, 09:07 AM
My novel has went threw spiel Czechs, its got allot a Polish, you can reed gist four continence.

toogrey2
01-14-2012, 09:14 AM
Writing easy. Editing Sucks!!!!

Snitchcat
01-14-2012, 04:18 PM
I'm going to write 3000 words daily (forget the overtime schedule you're on, which leaves you so exhausted you can't even remeber how to turn on your computer.

Sirion
01-14-2012, 09:40 PM
"I'd like to quit my job soon and take up writing full time."

"I put a bunch of poetry together last night, I bet I can get it published."

It's like Tolkien, except I made the elves and dwarves friends just to be different."

"You're interrogating the text from the wrong perspective."

aurinko
01-14-2012, 10:22 PM
"Don't pull any punches with your critique. Be brutal. I can definitely take it."
What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.

Manuel Royal
01-14-2012, 10:25 PM
"You're interrogating the text from the wrong perspective."Can I use that one?

Al Stevens
01-14-2012, 10:30 PM
"E-book piracy is stealing because..."
"E-book piracy is not stealing because..."

(Not in order of stupidest.)

Ari Meermans
01-14-2012, 10:31 PM
What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.

It isn't stupid in and of itself. Too often, though, one sees that statement, only to have the writer defend the work against critiques they don't agree with. The only acceptable responses to a critique are "Thank you" and "Can you elaborate? I didn't quite understand"--the latter is acceptable only if it's true. If the critter responds with a clarification, the only acceptable response is then "Thank you".

The Lonely One
01-14-2012, 11:24 PM
"E-book piracy is stealing because..."
"E-book piracy is not stealing because..."

(Not in order of stupidest.)

Maybe. I certainly feel a little stupider after having an e-book piracy debate. Guess whether or not it's stealing is kind of a silly focus, eh?

fireluxlou
01-16-2012, 11:50 PM
"You know I've been self-pubbing if you don't do it you're a loser. Self-pubbing is the best"

Hmm I'll do this writerly thing my own way thanks.

Hip-Hop-a-potamus
01-17-2012, 12:26 AM
"You know I've been self-pubbing if you don't do it you're a loser. Self-pubbing is the best"

Hmm I'll do this writerly thing my own way thanks.

If I have one more relative tell me this, I'm going to punch them. When you get straight A's in English from birth through a Bachelor's degree like me (instead of a GRE), then maybe I might consider it.

Yeah...no thanks.

fireluxlou
01-17-2012, 12:33 AM
If I have one more relative tell me this, I'm going to punch them. When you get straight A's in English from birth through a Bachelor's degree like me (instead of a GRE), then maybe I might consider it.

Yeah...no thanks.

It's for some people and not for others. It's like a last resort thing for me. I don't put it down because I found many good authors through self-pubbing and for some people it works and works well. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

I'm not an A student so I don't see how that's relevant to writing? :/

bearilou
01-17-2012, 12:42 AM
Can I use that one?

You'll probably have to ask Anne Rice about that.



I'll just get on AW for five minutes and then start writing.

Guilty as charged.




What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.


Usually what happens is someone does give their honest, unsugar-coated words but still in the spirit of helping just like they asked...

...and get crucified for not understanding their genius and who the hell are you anyway have you published anything and you're just a jealous loser who didn't get what they were trying to do and that's their style anyway so you shouldn't have nitpicked their spelling and lack of correct comma usage...

And pretty much proving that no, they couldn't handle honest critique.

Becky Black
01-26-2012, 03:26 PM
What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.

Well, I was just being funny. But it is the kind of thing people say and then regret later, because they can't in fact take it, they just think that's what they are supposed to say.

And if there's a gap between what the writer thinks of as brutal and what the critiquer, sharpening their machete, thinks of as brutal then the regret might be especially acute!

Hip-Hop-a-potamus
01-26-2012, 04:21 PM
It's for some people and not for others. It's like a last resort thing for me. I don't put it down because I found many good authors through self-pubbing and for some people it works and works well. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

I'm not an A student so I don't see how that's relevant to writing? :/

Not you, my in-laws. Most of them didn't finish high school and can barely string an English sentence together. I find it hilarious that they want to give me publishing advice.

Christyp
01-26-2012, 04:37 PM
What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.

No, it's worse when someone says this, then gets bent out of shape when someone offers a constructive criticism.

Christyp
01-26-2012, 04:38 PM
"Why do I need to read a lot to write well?"

Luciamaria
01-27-2012, 10:55 AM
You shouldn't be nervous about telling them what sort of things you write. That can't be good.

latourdumoine
01-29-2012, 02:59 PM
"You know I've been self-pubbing if you don't do it you're a loser. Self-pubbing is the best"

Hmm I'll do this writerly thing my own way thanks.
What gets me is when teachers tell this to their students in places that are just starting out with Creative Writing*, don't have all the resources and are in a Second World country, eager and willing to learn (as most 19-year-olds the world over should be, considering they're there more or less willingly). Teacher is an idiot but is from The Land of Knowledge. Teacher also writes real drivel, but is self-published and of course, this is the only way to go. Again, I'm not against self-publishing, but don't present one or the other as the only option. This really runs the danger of perpetuating the myth of "no one new can ever get published."

Case number two: Teacher realizes student has a good deal or something going with a non-fiction book. This is big-time, this is prestigious. Teacher tries to muscle in on the deal by putting student down via backhanded compliments, "you're not good enough to write this alone, you'll need an editor, this is where I come in. Send this to my agent." Student being naive, does just that. Teacher also "recommends" a source, sending an email to said source with the wording, "she's one of my students, she's very young, only nineteen" implying student can be taken advantage of. Same teacher also writes his own fan page on Wikipedia, in third person. Teacher lives off his girlfriend.

Case number three: "I'm from (insert name of region / country / state / city), this takes place in (insert other region / country / state / city). Therefore I'm not interested in the story."

A friend of mine has a very good way of dealing with the "be brutal, I can take it" school of thought. She'll start off by mentioning something, then sees how the writer takes it, if the response is positive, then she'll build up.

If both parties are on the same wavelength, you can have amazing discussions from critting / being critted. I see it as a level of trust, critter doesn't do it to be mean but to be constructive, writer asks to clarify, critter and writer discuss in a friendly manner, each bringing their own point forward, listening to the other, etc.

scarletpeaches
01-29-2012, 05:31 PM
Writers who whine about how difficult it is having a book on sub really chap my flaps. "Ooh I'm so nervous about this book; I don't know if my editor will take it, wah wah wah."

Would you like some cheese with that whine, Ms Multi-Published, looking-for-an-egowank writer?

If you get to the stage of having 10, 20 or 30 books published and you still expect others to reassure you about what's good enough to be published or not, you're either thick as pigshit, or just looking for someone to stroke your ego.

Excuse me, but I'd rather spend my time attending to my own writing career than bolstering yours with beta-reads, titles, scenes, edits, queries and synopses.

/rant off

Dr.Gonzo
01-29-2012, 05:43 PM
Heh. Giving new meaning to lipbalm.

Katrina S. Forest
01-29-2012, 06:32 PM
Writers who whine about how difficult it is having a book on sub really chap my flaps. "Ooh I'm so nervous about this book; I don't know if my editor will take it, wah wah wah."

Seconded. I totally understand that published/agented authors have their own set of woes to deal with, but I think at that stage, you really need to be aware of who you're complaining in front of. An aspiring author isn't going to be sympathetic.

scarletpeaches
01-29-2012, 06:51 PM
Seconded. I totally understand that published/agented authors have their own set of woes to deal with, but I think at that stage, you really need to be aware of who you're complaining in front of. An aspiring author isn't going to be sympathetic.I'm published but still get irritated by it.

I have very little sympathy for those who pretend to be all humble and lacking in confidence. If they're multi-published at the same publishing company, and have built up a rapport with their editor, they know their book will be accepted (especially if they're all over FB, Twitter and Blogger giving it the old swagger I'll have a new book out soon so stay tuned for news!), so emailing me to express how 'nervous' and 'unsure' they are will be met with a swift "Fuck off," and the question "What the hell do you expect me to do about it?"

As if I don't have my own career to worry about. But did they want to listen to my woes? Did they hell.

Anyway. I need to go cool down, clearly. :)

Captcha
02-01-2012, 01:35 AM
I'm not hugely published, but I've got enough books out to be confident that I'll find a home for my new projects, as long as I don't do something crazy like switching genres. But I still get nervous with each new book. I feel like the more approval I get for the earlier books, the more pressure there is on me to not let people down, and to meet or exceed previous sales, etc.

That said, yeah, nobody wants to hear me whine about it all the time. And there's a difference between honestly expressing fears to a friend and whinging on to everyone and anyone, looking for an ego-stroke.

scarletpeaches
02-01-2012, 01:42 AM
Earlier today I caught someone complaining about a less-than-stellar Amazon review.

When authors do that on a publicly-viewable blog or tweetstream, I cringe. Especially when they previously had a hardcore go at their publisher online. It made me wonder, "What do you want? You yourself dissed your publisher and said they'd take anything that passed across their desk, but when someone agrees with you and says they didn't like your book, you take another public huff with the entire universe?"

Some authors are more interested in being hard-done-by than...you know...actually writing.

randi.lee
02-01-2012, 11:38 PM
"I'm a better writer than anyone here!"

Ctairo
02-02-2012, 01:36 AM
Never, ever use [adverbs, passive voice, "to be," a pseudonym (when querying)]...

I'm sure there are others--like never, ever use a pitchfork to write a manuscript--but duh, that goes without saying.

dragonangel517
02-02-2012, 01:59 AM
"I've finally figured out my problem. This is the last time I am starting over." Boy, I wish I had a dollar for everytime I have said that.

scarletpeaches
02-02-2012, 03:21 AM
"I keep getting distracted by new ideas!"

Usually closely followed by "I just don't understand why I can't finish anything."

ladyleeona
02-02-2012, 03:57 AM
"But I have sooooooo muuuuuchhhhh going on I can't make time [to write]."

Really.
Yet you're here.
Whining.
Writing out your whine, no less.

Like the rest of us don't have shit going on, 'cuz *gasp* we're not living, breathing individuals, too.

Drachen Jager
02-02-2012, 04:00 AM
"Just one more rewrite."

scarletpeaches
02-02-2012, 04:02 AM
"Negative reviews and ratings are so mean and hateful and unhelpful and mean and they kill babies and mean and sad and mean and wah wah wah."

Becky Black
02-02-2012, 03:07 PM
"Publishers don't know anything. Look at how many of them rejected Harry Potter!"

seun
02-02-2012, 03:27 PM
"But insert author name head hops/changes POV/changes tense/opens with a dream/info dumps so why can't I?"

bearilou
02-02-2012, 04:41 PM
I'm sure there are others--like never, ever use a pitchfork to write a manuscript--but duh, that goes without saying.

Exactly. I mean, if it can be done well....


"But insert author name head hops/changes POV/changes tense/opens with a dream/info dumps so why can't I?"

*grabs the pitchfork*

SaronaNalia
02-07-2012, 08:26 PM
"I wish I had your problem."

catian
02-08-2012, 12:29 PM
''I couldn' tell you how or why I write or I else I would have to....sting you...somethings are.... better done then told. Enough said.'';)

Manuel Royal
03-30-2012, 07:15 PM
"Yeah, I'd like to write something like that someday."

(Stupid because that appears to be the same "someday" I was talking about twenty years ago.)

By the way, being on AW counts as research. It's all part of the process.

quicklime
03-30-2012, 07:45 PM
"Stephen King did it."


I'm not sure if I find this dumber when they point to Carrie, which was written over thirty years ago, or something recent, when he had dozens of books and a $4 million advance in his contract....

cmi0616
04-01-2012, 02:06 AM
"I'd love to finish my novel, it's just that I don't have the time."

lolchemist
04-01-2012, 05:38 AM
Until you've written a full length novel, you can't say shit about mine.

And then when that happens, it's:


Until you've PUBLISHED a full length novel, you can't say shit about mine.

And then when that happens, it's:


Until you've PUBLISHED a full length novel THAT WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL, you can't say shit about mine.

And then when that happens, it's:


Baww! Just because your book is on the NYT best seller list and you made millions and your books are being made into movies now, doesn't mean you actually know anything about good writing! I mean look at Stephenie Meyer!

Tl/dr: you can't win!

lolchemist
04-01-2012, 05:41 AM
What's stupid about that?

The only thing I can think of is maybe the fact that people always ignore that statement and sugarcoat their words anyway. Which is sad when you meant it honestly.

Usually because it's often followed by "OMG YOU HURT MY PRECIOUS FEE-FEES! BAWWWW!"

ohthatmomagain
04-01-2012, 05:44 AM
"Just one more edit..."

flarue
04-23-2012, 02:26 PM
"I've finally figured out my problem. This is the last time I am starting over." Boy, I wish I had a dollar for everytime I have said that.

I don't know how many times I've said a variation of this over the last several months.