Over in the "Things Straight People Do That Bug LGBT People" thread, there was some discussion about the appropriateness of the word queer, particularly when it comes to referring to people who identify as queer.
As was pointed out in that thread, some people dislike the word and react negatively to it because they associate it with being used as a slur, or they've only been exposed to it as a slur. And I said that while I identify as queer myself, I'll sometimes use other words, such as "bisexual", if I think it'll be clearer or if I think people will react negatively to "queer."
I have a similar issue with pronouns. I prefer non-binary pronouns, particularly "they" and "them", though others are okay. But I suspect that most people outside of my more trans and genderqueer friendly circles won't understand, so I hesitate to mention or bring that up sometimes. I worry about this a little when it comes to referring to friends of mine who also prefer non-binary pronouns, too.
I also hesitate to use words like cis/cisgender in everyday conversation because I know many people are unfamiliar with them.
A lot of times I don't mind explaining things to people, but sometimes I'm not in the mood for that. Also, while I don't mind people who simply don't know/understand, but are nice about it, I am concerned sometimes about encountering more negative reactions, especially since I'm queer and genderqueer myself.
But I wonder sometimes if I'm doing everyone a disservice by self-censoring. By changing how I talk, aren't I implicitly supporting the social system in which many people are never exposed to these things?
I find this can be relevant to writing, too. A while back, someone I knew wrote a story that used non-binary pronouns for a character, and a lot of people didn't understand it. Is this a bad thing? Does a writer have a responsibility to use language that the audience will be familiar with?
I'm interested in knowing how you guys handle things like this, and how you feel. Is clarity more important than accuracy or preference? Does it depend?
As was pointed out in that thread, some people dislike the word and react negatively to it because they associate it with being used as a slur, or they've only been exposed to it as a slur. And I said that while I identify as queer myself, I'll sometimes use other words, such as "bisexual", if I think it'll be clearer or if I think people will react negatively to "queer."
I have a similar issue with pronouns. I prefer non-binary pronouns, particularly "they" and "them", though others are okay. But I suspect that most people outside of my more trans and genderqueer friendly circles won't understand, so I hesitate to mention or bring that up sometimes. I worry about this a little when it comes to referring to friends of mine who also prefer non-binary pronouns, too.
I also hesitate to use words like cis/cisgender in everyday conversation because I know many people are unfamiliar with them.
A lot of times I don't mind explaining things to people, but sometimes I'm not in the mood for that. Also, while I don't mind people who simply don't know/understand, but are nice about it, I am concerned sometimes about encountering more negative reactions, especially since I'm queer and genderqueer myself.
But I wonder sometimes if I'm doing everyone a disservice by self-censoring. By changing how I talk, aren't I implicitly supporting the social system in which many people are never exposed to these things?
I find this can be relevant to writing, too. A while back, someone I knew wrote a story that used non-binary pronouns for a character, and a lot of people didn't understand it. Is this a bad thing? Does a writer have a responsibility to use language that the audience will be familiar with?
I'm interested in knowing how you guys handle things like this, and how you feel. Is clarity more important than accuracy or preference? Does it depend?