Bisexual characters assumed to be homosexual

I've had the same thing happen with the MC in my novel. It starts with him having recently broken up with his girlfriend, and he ends up dating his best (male) friend. Even though he outright refers to himself as bisexual at one point, a few people have still made comments to me about him being gay. Or that the best friend is the "exception" to his otherwise straightness. Luckily, I've had readers who get it.

It is frustrating, because if someone assumes a bi character is straight or gay, it's so hard to tell whether it's something I'm not getting across in my writing, or if it's people coming to the story with their own preconceived notions about sexuality. But since I have had people understand that he's bi, I'd like to think that there's nothing lacking in how I've portrayed him. I do try to subtly steer people in the right direction if I can, but it does get a bit annoying after a while (just like in real life).

It sounds like you're conveying it clearly, and some readers are just missing it. But I think that as bi characters become more common, things like this will happen less often.

I imagine that it's more difficult in YA because of the youth of the characters. If they were older, you'd have time to introduce a range of lovers over the years, but if they're teens, you really only have time to fit in a couple of relationships without them seeming really superficial. So it, guy then girl, (or girl then guy) which makes it easy for readers to mentally rearrange the story to suit themselves.

frimble3 said:

I imagine that it's more difficult in YA because of the youth of the characters. If they were older, you'd have time to introduce a range of lovers over the years, but if they're teens, you really only have time to fit in a couple of relationships without them seeming really superficial. So it, guy then girl, (or girl then guy) which makes it easy for readers to mentally rearrange the story to suit themselves.

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This is very true. And there's also the misconception that a teenager who identifies as bisexual must still be in the process of figuring out their sexuality.

I feel your pain. In one of my mms, set in a secondary fantasy world, the female protagonist is mostly straight. She has no qualms about female lovers, though. This confused one of my beta readers, until I pointed out how the protagonist's culture didn't have a gender bias about sexuality. A woman might have a male mate and a female one - and in a harsh environment, the more adults able to care for children, the better.

In the space opera I'm shopping now, the two main characters have a m/m relationship. The dynamic will change to m/m/f in the sequels. They're not queer, they're not straight, they're *bi*.

That does sound frustrating.

I mean, it should be simple! Your character is attracted to men and women. AND. That's the key word here.

Of course, you're trying to convey this to people with preconceived notions and prejudices. Most of your readers will have a different view of any way you choose to present a bi character.

Personally, I'd be tempted to just tell people, "She chose to date a girl! Who cares how she defines herself, just read the damn book!" But I can definitely see the frustration involved in wanting to educate people.

Why not address the issue head on in the book? Have some characters make some of these points to your character and/or her other half ('hah, you're a lesbian!' or 'Pah, Bisexual? Means you haven't made your mind up, you slut'). Then let the MC or her other half (may be better if the other half does it, presuming she is more experienced in being gay/bisexual and therefore facing down homophobia) address these issues in whatever way you think appropriate (anything from sarcastic come back to slapping them around the face, depending on personality). Follow it with a bit of a discussion between the two of them where you can cover some of these issues (a 'Do you get that sort of thing a lot?' 'Yeah, well morons will always be morons' conversation).

I think this might be a good way to get this misconception resolved because it uses the characters and action to challenge what might be the reader's own opinions. Have to be careful not to be too preachy, though...

Interactions with the ex could be a good place to insert these things.

I've had a similar experience. One of my books is popularly described as having a 'gay' love interest, and yes, I'm referring to Daniel Cross. Given that he can fancy either men or women, you'd think it was obvious he was bi, and I'm getting more than a little sick of him being labelled according to the gender (or do I mean sex? Sorry, always confused on this point) of the person he's sleeping with.

Male characters (or real people!) who sleep with other men aren't necessarily gay. I wish readers and people in general, would recognise BISEXUALITY EXISTS.

Bisexuality is often a difficult concept for the reader to occupy, even for someone like me who has no moral attachment to the idea. I don't know why that it is. I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with it and, of course, if you put the words in the right order, I'll understand the fact of the sentences of your characters' thoughts and actions.

While I know that people can be attracted to both sexes throughout their lives, it's very difficult to imagine what that feels like.

So, be patient with your readers. It's not all stubborn bigotry.

areteus said:

Why not address the issue head on in the book? Have some characters make some of these points to your character and/or her other half ('hah, you're a lesbian!' or 'Pah, Bisexual? Means you haven't made your mind up, you slut'). Then let the MC or her other half (may be better if the other half does it, presuming she is more experienced in being gay/bisexual and therefore facing down homophobia) address these issues in whatever way you think appropriate (anything from sarcastic come back to slapping them around the face, depending on personality). Follow it with a bit of a discussion between the two of them where you can cover some of these issues (a 'Do you get that sort of thing a lot?' 'Yeah, well morons will always be morons' conversation).

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And you can do that, but you risk having your story feel more like a platform than a plot. That's okay, too, or it can be, if handled with confidence and a sharp eye for scenes or dialog pointing to or away from your goal.

Oh definitely, that is why I said to also be careful of seeming like it was preachy.

It just seems to be as if the OP has basically got what amounts to a beta crit saying 'this character comes across as too lesbian' and therefore needs to consider ways to deal with that. A bit of proactive assertion from a character in a 'I'm bisexual, deal with it' manner might go a long way to solving this issue. Too much would be preachy, of course, so there is a careful balance to be considered here.

And yes, I also understand the difficulty some might have with it and how it is not all bigotry. You'll never convert the bigots, no matter what you do. They'll stop reading straight away and condemn you and your book regardless of what you do simply because there is a hint of homosexuality in it. The people you need to win over are the ones who are 'a bit weirded out' by it, the ones who may be persuaded to see your point of view with a good strong argument presented by a likeable character who could be 'just like them'.

There probably hasn't been any actual data collected on this at all (at least not that I am aware of) but I am of the opinion that there have been a lot more people declaring that they are gay/bisexual or at least expressing sympathy with alternative sexualities since the whole 'Willow coming out as gay' plotline in Buffy. Could be unrelated and just linked to broader social shifts in opinion, but I think that this demonstrates that well presented fiction can possibly change public opinion. I know my sister considers Buffy to have been one of her influences on her coming out as gay.

areteus said:

It just seems to be as if the OP has basically got what amounts to a beta crit saying 'this character comes across as too lesbian'

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We read it differently, I think. The way it seemed to me was that, although the character started off with a boyfriend, most of the book has her with a female love interest, and based on that, readers kept referring to her as a lesbian, rather than bisexual.

areteus said:

A bit of proactive assertion from a character in a 'I'm bisexual, deal with it' manner might go a long way to solving this issue.

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But it wouldn't do a thing to bring the reader closer to an understanding. Like I said, I have no problem whatsoever intellectually absorbing the fact of bisexuality. It's only very difficult to imagine what it feels like to, for example, be in a day where I could feel sexually attracted to both the new woman at the office and the guy who lives in the apartment upstairs from me. It's fine, only hard to imagine.

I don't know why that is. I don't feel at all like I can't "deal with it", but I understand a reader's inclination to declare a character as gay or lesbian based on who they spend the majority of the story with. It's the human tendency to sort and organize, which has proved great in the grocery store, but problematic in societal relationships.

For some people, there will be the value-judgement labeling of "confused" or "slutty" based solely on a flexibility of attraction. That's wrong. For me, it's only a failure of imagination on my part.

I think what would be most effective for a reader like me would be to make sure to fully render the attractive qualities of the object of desire. To get lost in the story, I think all I really need to know is what draws one character to the other character; to fully feel the attraction. I think it's all I can ask of the writer and all the writer can ask of me is that I'm in the moment of that character with him or her. I think getting lost in their stories might be the very best portal to understanding the issue.

Ugh.

Bisexuality is a difficult one. Half the time, I can't get people to admit that it exists, even though I'm standing right in front of them, being bisexual. It doesn't surprise me that people aren't picking it up in your fiction.

It's not your fault. She dates a guy and then dates a girl. She never, I assume, expresses her sexual attraction as exclusive to females. You've even used the term bisexual in the story.

That's enough. I mean, you could do more but you don't need to. If bisexuality was a major theme, than you could go into depth, exploring the way your protagonist is rejected or misrepresented by both the straight and gay communities. But if her sexuality isn't central, I wouldn't worry too much. You've made your point, it's not your fault if people don't pick it up.

I suppose, if the girlfriend is a lesbian, you could have her express concern that your protagonist might leave her for an 'easier' straight partner. Which would give you an opening. I know I've heard that one often enough.

KSandoval said:

I suppose, if the girlfriend is a lesbian, you could have her express concern that your protagonist might leave her for an 'easier' straight partner. Which would give you an opening. I know I've heard that one often enough.

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You know, that would be a very competent segue for readers who are more strongly homo or hetero and have difficulty placing themselves in the heart and mind of someone who can romantically love either a woman or a man.

We can all identify with the paranoia of losing our partner to someone else. And I can pretty easily imagine that magnified if the field of potential attraction was roughly doubled.

With care, it can be portrayed as an extension of a normal range of insecurity of the homo or hetero partner, not a suggestion that bisexuals are insatiable lust machines.

I score pretty low on the jealousy and insecurity scale, but I would be lying if I said I didn't tune-in a bit more when my husband is working one-on-one with an attractive female than some charming guy. Now if my husband was bisexual, I might feel high-tuned more often.

This is no way speaks to my husband's behavior or fidelity-tendencies, only the scope of my sonar pinging.

In romance genres people also tend to refer to the extant relationship, e.g. by the part of the book where she is with the girl, she is currently being lesbian. There may or may not be an assumption that she is "really" lesbian in a more fixed way.

Is a bisexual "not lesbian"? They are not exclusively lesbian but having a romantic and/or sexual relationship with another women seems a bit lesbian to me.

I don't even see the need to talk about a lesbian relationship. If a woman introduces me to her girlfriend, it kinda goes without saying...

missesdash said:

Lesbians aren't attracted to men.

I guess it's fair to refer to their sex as "lesbian sex" but it would be incorrect to label them as lesbians.

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That is, itself, a very binary understanding of sexuality. It is telling anyone who does identify as lesbian they they are 'not allowed' to ever desire any man to any extent.

I don't think having readers use the word 'lesbian' as a linguistic shortcut meaning 'women who is loving or desiring another woman' is black-and-white wrong.

IMHO that response suggests "lesbian" is an insult, or lesbians aren't every allowed to like men. Any of these words being used as binary nouns are basically inadequate. But that is the modern style.

I would argue saying she is lesbian and saying she is not lesbian is equally incorrect. So you don't really gain anything by replacing one with the other. Just substitute bisexual when you can. Or avoid the issue entirely.

Veinglory makes a good point... I think the labels may be confusing here (as they always are... pigeonholing is never satisfactory for anyone).

I know a number of people who are bisexual. However, some of them have entered into long term relationships (one into a homosexual lesbian relationship, the other a more traditional heterosexual relationship). The one in the homosexual relationship used to have frequent liasons with heterosexual partners (it was something her long term lover knew about and supported) because she had a need for that sort of relationship in her life as well. She used to refer to herself as 'the world's worst lesbian' because of this. More recently she has settled down and is apparently happy in her monogamous lesbian relationship with no other affairs in progress. The other friend has also settled for his long term, monogamous heterosexual relationship.

Both of them at present refer to themselves as being in the relationship type they are in. She is a lesbian and he is heterosexual because they have chosen those roles and accept that, since both are types of relationships that are fairly 'final' (well, he is married, she is engaged...) their bisexuality is sort of a moot point. Now, these days marriage is not necessarily forever so there is a chance (though I hope not cos I hate it when good relationships go bad) that they may find themselves single again. In which case, I suspect they'll dust off their bisexual status and start looking...

This is one example, though, and I guess there are more variations out there. In stable relationships, however, without any polyamoury occuring, the concept of being bisexual really seems pointless apart from in a 'looking but not touching' sort of way.

missesdash said:

I don't really want to get into a linguistics debate. The people who refer to her as a lesbian mean the standard definition of "girl who is interested solely in other girls"

Whether or not a woman can sleep with men and still consider herself a lesbian isn't really my business because I'm not a lesbian. But that's not what the thread is about, at all.

ETA: I don't think it's insulting to lesbians that she doesn't identify as a lesbian because, well, she isn't a lesbian

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You really don't know what they mean. I would't assume they are using lesbian as explicitly or implicitly as an insult or that they define it they way you do. I know I don't use it that way. Our lexicon in this area is frankly inadequate which is why I prefer the queer approach.