S*** White Girls Say to Black Girls

That was difficult to watch and funny at the same time.

nighttimer said:

What was difficult about it? The funniest thing about it is how true it was.

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That's the same reason it's difficult to watch. I imagine there's a lot of truth. For someone to touch a black woman's hair and say, "Oh, but it's so nappy" and the slavery comment, I don't know, my stomach sank.

Oh, man, I know these girls. I let these girls give me a makeover in college one night, AAMOF. You know they say astoundingly rude things to everyone not like them (I know you know, but it's worth adding).

I have been known to holla. But if I came across this way, tell me and I'll jump off a bridge or something

nighttimer said:

That may be so, but isn't it better to defuse awkward situations by finding something to laugh about instead of getting defensive or aggressive or rude?

Once we stop laughing and drop our shields, maybe we can start having honest conversations about the shit White girls say to Black girls and the shit Black girls say to White girls that drives them both nuts.

We gotta start somewhere.

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I'm sorry. I didn't mean to poo-poo on the thread. I understand why you and others find it laugh out loud funny.

Gah. The link doesn't work anymore. I wanted to see.

Nevermind! Works now. Weird that it didn't. Be back with an opinion.

She's hilarious. And yeah, funny is a great way to point out easily avoided wrongness.

I think every group is worthy of a "horrible shit we say and don't even realize how horrible it is when we're saying it to or about other people who are different from us". I was drinking / talking with a female friend this weekend who is Mexican. She told a story about how the only white dude she had dated had pursued her sincerely for several months before she gave it a go. Then, on their first date, in the company of another couple who were worrying over who could take care of their kid while the wife went back to work, the guy straight up tells them that they should just "get a Mexican lady to watch after" the kid. Didn't even realized he'd offended the date he'd tried so damn hard to get with.

Then, the girl in question, in the midst of flirting with me, told me I'd only be the 2nd black guy she had ever dated (were she to have the opportunity) since she thought black men were lazy based on her experience with the first and only black guy she'd ever been with (a firefighter who didn't like to clean his house... that's not lazy, that's just being a bachelor who's tired after coming home from a hard day of battling freaking infernos). Didn't realize she had insulted me either. Just kept right on flirting like it was gravy.

Jcomp said:

I think every group is worthy of a "horrible shit we say and don't even realize how horrible it is when we're saying it to or about other people who are different from us".

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'Tis true. Here's a transcript of a conversation I had a few weeks ago:

R: I kept a four-point-oh in grad school. Straight through!

(side note: I don't know why she was telling me this. It was one of those times when someone starts talking to you from the middle of a conversation she was having in her head before you walked up.)

Me: That's great!

R: Do you have your Master's?

Me: No.

R: Oh? Where'd you do your undergrad.

Me: I didn't.

R: You didn't go to school? What did you do?

Me: I went to work.

R: Doing what?

Me: All kinds of things.

At this, R kinda recoils, clutching at the invisible pearls she wears during the conversations in her head.

R: Anything legal?

Me: What?!

R: Well, you didn't go to school and you were being just so- so- vague.

*sigh*

Perks said:

'Tis true. Here's a transcript of a conversation I had a few weeks ago:

R: I kept a four-point-oh in grad school. Straight through!

(side note: I don't know why she was telling me this. It was one of those times when someone starts talking to you from the middle of a conversation she was having in her head before you walked up.)

Me: That's great!

R: Do you have your Master's?

Me: No.

R: Oh? Where'd you do your undergrad.

Me: I didn't.

R: You didn't go to school? What did you do?

Me: I went to work.

R: Doing what?

Me: All kinds of things.

At this, R kinda recoils, clutching at the invisible pearls she wears during the conversations in her head.

R: Anything legal?

Me: What?!

R: Well, you didn't go to school and you were being just so- so- vague.

*sigh*

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Wow. That's nuts. It's almost like "R" was setting up that convo just to be able to say something insulting about someone not going to school. Yeesh.

The invisible pearl ladies -- YES! They are so awful.

I have one 'shit white girls say' vs. 'shit black folks say' that always struck me as funny. I was on a very preppy drill team in high school, and every time I came to practice after rushing to get to school that morning, I'd hear, "Oooooh, somebody got a perm!" Oohs and ahs would commence.

OTOH, at my workplace where I was the only white girl, if I came in like that, this one guy would always say, "Thanks, BSB, for getting all fixed up for us this morning." LOL.

My hair extra-curly means I overslept, not that I got a perm

But back on topic (sorry!) the only thing I'd say against that video is that the discussion of the word 'nigger' is a valuable, if volatile, one.

I mean, not the way the girl in the video says it. Lol! Oh dear.

BSB, that reminds me of another story. I ducked into a drugstore once for just a tube of toothpaste. The cashier was a young black guy and I thought he was kind of looking at me funny.

"That'll be $11.47."

"Eleven dollars for a tube of toothpaste?"

Then I looked down at the counter. Someone had left a box of extra-strength creme relaxer.

"Oh, that's not mine," I said.

"Yeah, I was kind of wondering what you were gonna do with that."

"If my hair was any more relaxed, it would slide right off my head."

We had a laugh. And I brushed my teeth eventually.

Perks said:

But back on topic (sorry!) the only thing I'd say against that video is that the discussion of the word 'nigger' is a valuable, if volatile, one.

I mean, not the way the girl in the video says it. Lol! Oh dear.

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I think it's kind of not valuable, too, though. Of all the things for white people to discuss with black people, that one strikes me as covered the moment your parents told you as a kid to just never go there. It's such an obvious one, I get bothered if I hear adults rehashing arguments that they should have had as kids.

Black people talking about using it as a reclamation or not with their older kids makes sense, of course. But what else do white people have to know other than that it's inexcusable to go there? I guess I always wonder what's not to get about that.

Perks said:

BSB, that reminds me of another story. I ducked into a drugstore once for just a tube of toothpaste. The cashier was a young black guy and I thought he was kind of looking at me funny.

"That'll be $11.47."

"Eleven dollars for a tube of toothpaste?"

Then I looked down at the counter. Someone had left a box of extra-strength creme relaxer.

"Oh, that's not mine," I said.

"Yeah, I was kind of wondering what you were gonna do with that."

"If my hair was any more relaxed, it would slide right off my head."

We had a laugh. And I brushed my teeth eventually.

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Ha! I like how you put it

backslashbaby said:

I think it's kind of not valuable, too, though. Of all the things for white people to discuss with black people, that one strikes me as covered the moment your parents told you as a kid to just never go there. It's such an obvious one, I get bothered if I hear adults rehashing arguments that they should have had as kids.

Black people talking about using it as a reclamation or not with their older kids makes sense, of course. But what else do white people have to know other than that it's inexcusable to go there? I guess I always wonder what's not to get about that.

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Oh, I agree. But since white people seem to not get it reasonably often, it still needs to be explained, tiresome as it may be.

Plus, I think it's interesting as practically a singularity in the modern lexicon - a word with such terrible weight and still some flexibility in context.

I'm also not suggesting that any white person be comfortable grilling any black person on this topic. It's not a matter of demanding an explanation or accounting. I'd just like to think that if it can come up and there's an interest among friends or friendly acquaintances, that it not be off limits.

backslashbaby said:

I think it's kind of not valuable, too, though. Of all the things for white people to discuss with black people, that one strikes me as covered the moment your parents told you as a kid to just never go there. It's such an obvious one, I get bothered if I hear adults rehashing arguments that they should have had as kids.

Black people talking about using it as a reclamation or not with their older kids makes sense, of course. But what else do white people have to know other than that it's inexcusable to go there? I guess I always wonder what's not to get about that.

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Hmm. I'm kind of curious now. What do the black guys and gals in this thread think of if another PoC uses it, intending it as a term of endearment? It clearly carries baggage when it's a white person, but what effect does it have if, say, a latino or Native American uses it with friendly intentions? Is it more of a "only we can use it" thing or a "white people can't use it" thing? Or a case-by-case "depends on our relationship" thing?

kuwisdelu said:

Hmm. I'm kind of curious now. What do the black guys and gals in this thread think of if another PoC uses it, intending it as a term of endearment? It clearly carries baggage when it's a white person, but what effect does it have if, say, a latino or Native American uses it with friendly intentions? Is it more of a "only we can use it" thing or a "white people can't use it" thing? Or a case-by-case "depends on our relationship" thing?

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I know particular parties here on the boards hate all uses of the word--hate that it's used even by black people--and I respect that. Personally, I use it with everyone I'm genuinely cool with regardless of race, and once I've used it on you, you're free to reciprocate in private company, thought that's not an extension to use it around any other black person as you see fit with no expectation of causing offense, which is where it tends to get tricky for people (and may be a reason why it's better avoided altogether... c'est la vie). It's like getting a VIP bracelet into an exclusive club then thinking it automatically works at every other club on the strip.

Regarding other PoC's specifically, growing up in Mississippi when I did, there weren't very many other PoC's to directly interact with outside of a small but significant Vietnamese population that seemed insulated. So until I got to high school in Texas, I just sort of presumed that all PoC's got along and as such had a free pass to use the word, especially since the guys in Cypress Hill called themselves / each other the n-bomb affectionately and only one of them was even partly-black. The lesson being, southern boys in Mississippi who get their race-relations education from West Coast latino rappers are probably going to have some oddball notions about what is and isn't acceptable...

Jcomp said:

Wow. That's nuts. It's almost like "R" was setting up that convo just to be able to say something insulting about someone not going to school. Yeesh.

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It is ENTIRELY because of people like that that I tell some people I'm a high school drop out (which I am).

Yeah, R's more wacky than nasty. Kind of a mis-medicated vibe going there.

I don't like the word "nigger" but "nigga" is somewhat more acceptable. Even still, the latter can only be used by other black people unless I indicate otherwise.

Other POC definitely don't get an automatic "hood pass." it's specific to the black community for me.

backslashbaby said:

Black people talking about using it as a reclamation or not with their older kids makes sense, of course. But what else do white people have to know other than that it's inexcusable to go there? I guess I always wonder what's not to get about that.

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It's in a small class of words--and I do mean small--that people may use to self-identify, but it's risky to assume that a third party may use. Examples in English include dyke, kike, and fag. Don't use these if you're not being self-referential.

But even used within a sub-culture, it's risky; as Jcomp notes, there are people from within the sub-culture who find these words absolutely never acceptable; nighttimer has a really smart post about this that I've tried to find and can't.

There's a fancy linguistic term for this phenomena--it transcends languages--and damned if I can remember it now.