Dear bottom-feeding spamming assclowns:
When, in pursuance of your revolting little tactic of spamming people via email, you include an opt out link that isn't actually a link and, instead, provide a PO Box ("Just in Case" of course) you are probably correct in assuming that most people will never bother to write you to opt out. You have, however, made a miscalculation, for I am not most people. I hate spammers to a completely unreasonable degree.
As an example, when I apply for a job online, and start getting emails from wrinkled_singles.com/gray_carpets_are_sexy or what-the-fuck-ever it is that you people are ineffectually trying to sell, I get all... indignant and stuff. I start counting my pennies, and doing math, and exploring whether or not I can afford to get the names of key people in the organization, and plaster them on a billboard with some very unflattering rumors about their sexual habits involving that baby Jesus doll in the manger scene that one time, a hamster, and a bathtub full of rogan josh. "You sick little monkey, you," it would say. And there would be pictures. So you can imagine that the cost of a stamp is a small thing to me when dealing with the cyber-roaches I find infesting my inbox. That would be you, just to be clear. The cyber-roaches to whom I refer, I mean.
But there are further things to consider. I can hold a grudge for years, and years. It took, for example, exactly one mentos ad for me to launch a personal boycott on that company. And they didn't even invade my inbox. They just went all bone-vibratingly campy and annoying on the television. I have never bought or even tried a mentos. And I often wait a few months to get a good pile of 'Dear Resident' mail in my mailbox, and send it back where it came from; processing it costs the company money, and I'm very happy with that.
So, just so you understand me: I will never, ever,
ever give money to a business, website, or any other organization who buys my email addresses and spams me with them. I will advise my friends against giving them money. I will post it on facebook. I will post it on consumer watchdog websites. I will post it on rip-off awareness sites. And I will send you letters calling you nasty names and insulting you. While most people probably won't go as far as to send the letter, there are many,
many people like me, who make determinations on the trustworthiness vs. the scumbaggary of a company based on the sales tactics they use. Spam puts you in the scumbaggary camp, in case this letter has been a bit vague thus far.
So, having made myself clear, I hope, I choose to opt out of having my inbox smeared with clown crap. Stop sending emails to
[email protected].
Sincerely, and with the most aggressive disrespect and loathing possible,
KCT
