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Hiroko

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I need some help with a situation in a book of mine...as I am not a parent myself, I must ask the opinions of the parents here on AW!
(The situation pertains to a father, but I don't see why mothers can't provide input, as well.)

:e2Order:

You are a single father with two children, a daughter and a son. The daughter is the important child in this circumstance. Your wife died several years back, and you have raised the children alone.

Your daughter is seventeen now, halfway through her senior year. Being your only girl left, she's the apple of your eye and still your darling "little girl." You have always assumed she had some kind of "abilities" but have never pursued the topic with her.

A stranger working with a company out-of-state knows about her abilities and wants to take her to that company, without your accompaniment (You still have to feed your son!) but with your consent.
On one hand, you'll both figure out what is up with her. On the other hand, she'll be gone with someone you hardly know.


What would it take for you to let her go? Would you let her go, or say no? All responses will help, thank you!
 

LilGreenBookworm

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Well, I'm a mother not a father, and I have one child, a son, aged two as of yesterday. But if someone wanted to take him from me and I didn't know them or exactly what they were intending to do...they'd probably have to kill me.

A tour of where they are going to be, getting to know this guy better, maybe some kind of test showing that she does have these abilities (and so do the people wanting to take her), and her pushing him to let her go would help a lot. She's old enough to handle herself in certain situations, which is good.
 

ironmikezero

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Hell no!

When she's 18, she can do as she pleases - legally.

...of course, we'd still have to have the talk...
 

FictionQuest

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I am a father with a daughter. I agree that 17 is too young. I would be against it.
 

Richard White

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Heck no.

First off, this sounds skeevy - A stranger wants to take my daughter out of state? Not only no but hell no.

Second of all, I've read Firestarter. Not turning my daughter who may have "unknown powers" over to a company that might be fronting for some unnamed government agency to be turned into a weapon. ;)
 

Drachen Jager

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I would probably insist on knowing exactly what the 'company' was up to. I would want to visit and see it for myself, get to know the people she'd be working with etc.

If nothing smelled bad and I was confident my daughter could handle herself I'd probably be okay with it. I would expect regular contact and I'd be ready to drive over there at the drop of a hat should she need it.

Mind you, my daughter is three right now, so that's pure speculation. I think you're going to see a wide degree of opinions, as parenting is a highly polarized subject. I heard on the radio recently an interview with a woman who lets her nine year old son ride the subway to school and back through New York City. She wrote a column in the newspaper and within days was labeled "America's Worst Mom" by the media.

Some parents will never let their children out to make mistakes for themselves, some believe the only way their children can ever be free is to learn from their own mistakes.
 

sheadakota

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No way in hell would a stranger or even someone I didn't know very well take my 17 yr old daughter anywhere- nope not gonna happen- ever.
 

Karen Junker

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My 17-year-old daughter was recruited by the Army and wanted to enlist. I wouldn't let her, but the minute she turned 18, she went ahead and did it.

They promised her a free education (which her recruiter failed to do the paperwork to actually provide) and all kind of other benefits which never materialized.

On the other hand, prior to her 18th birthday I did allow her to participate in a Masonic lodge type activity with her friends -- Rainbow Girls. I had met the other girls and some of the mothers who were the sponsors. It didn't involve going out of state, except once, I believe.
 

Maryn

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Nope, she's not going. A stranger? It's one thing to send them to college, which acts in loco parentis. I have no reason to assume this person who wants to know more about her abilities has her best interests at heart. I would presume he has his own, or his agency's/country's/terrorist organization's/etc. bests interest right up top.

I would use the time before she turns eighteen to discuss with her candidly and openly the many ways in which someone like her could be used, and why she should not allow it.

Maryn, thinking this sounds not unlike sex ed
 

MamaStrong

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I have a 17 month old daughter. As her mother, I'd be hesitant and would be concerned. However, after extensive research of this man, I'd have the talk with her. In the end, in less than 12 months she'll be able to make her own choices. As a parent, you may not like what your child does, but once they reach a legal age, you can simply just hope you've made a positive impact on their life to the extent that they will make positive choices in theirs.
 

KTC

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I need some help with a situation in a book of mine...as I am not a parent myself, I must ask the opinions of the parents here on AW!
(The situation pertains to a father, but I don't see why mothers can't provide input, as well.)

:e2Order:

You are a single father with two children, a daughter and a son. The daughter is the important child in this circumstance. Your wife died several years back, and you have raised the children alone.

Your daughter is seventeen now, halfway through her senior year. Being your only girl left, she's the apple of your eye and still your darling "little girl." You have always assumed she had some kind of "abilities" but have never pursued the topic with her.

A stranger working with a company out-of-state knows about her abilities and wants to take her to that company, without your accompaniment (You still have to feed your son!) but with your consent.
On one hand, you'll both figure out what is up with her. On the other hand, she'll be gone with someone you hardly know.


What would it take for you to let her go? Would you let her go, or say no? All responses will help, thank you!

Wouldn't happen. Not with me.

Realize that you can do whatever you want. It's your story. I would either go with and take my son...or say an emphatic no. I think the only way the girl would get there is if she were to do it without her father's permission. But I was (am) overprotective of my children (wait until my 23 year old daughter discovers the truth about Santa!!!). You could build an argument if the person is close to the father. I don't know if you could pull it off 'with permission' unless the father and other person were close. Even then...your argument would have to be strong and convincing to the reader, I would think. You wouldn't want to stop them at that point with a, 'what the hell! this wouldn't happen.' I do believe, though, that you could convince your reader of almost anything. (-;


Does it absolutely HAVE to be a stranger???
 

Hiroko

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So many responses! Thank you all. Again, I'm not a parent, particularly not of a teenager, and I didn't get the inclination of "sex ed" being the vibe cast.
:roll:

I totally get that a parent would not let their child run off like that.


Does it absolutely HAVE to be a stranger???

Good question.
I probably shouldn't have included a possibility of "no," because (for the purposes of the novel) she has to take this trip. Still, the "no" responses put the question in perspective.

I'm considering the stranger having some relation to you, the father, but chances are that a relation would be even worse (the stranger is not a human, and you-the-father do not like his kind). You-the-father know of the company - it's a big company that most know about - but if you had a close enough relationship with the stranger or even the CEO, that would make little sense. The stranger is one of the main characters, so I can't really change him; I could make you-the-father familiar with the CEO, but with the given prejudice, that'd be weird.

How about this (more info): the stranger is almost your daughter's age, but a bit older. Male, as I indicated. Is that worse than someone older taking her out of state?

 

LilGreenBookworm

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So, person A wants to take my daughter, B. I know who A is, but I don't like him because he has some sort of weird ability that I find unnatural. A is a part of this company that I know a fair amount about, but not everything since I tend to avoid anyone associated with it.

A comes to me and says B has the same abilities. THAT would be a hard thing to accept, even if I'd expected it for awhile, especially if I'd been somewhat prejudiced against people like her for so long. I think that a scene where the three of them (A, B, and I) sit down and talk about everything and set down some ground rules would be good. And not just a "I'm taking your daughter, bbs, xoxox" note on the fridge. ;)
 

ViolettaVane

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I think at that age the dad might only have the power to say yes or no if his daughter lets him... or if there's a very specific carrot/stick involved, like college money.

My kids are young, still. But I'm speaking as someone who moved out of the house when I was 15. I didn't have a bad relationship with my parents -- I was just very independent. But I knew lots of other kids my age or slightly older who wouldn't even think about asking their parents for permission for something like that. Maybe a "hey Dad, just wanted to let you know I'm off to another state to do something potentially dangerous. Oh, you don't want me to go? It'll be fine. Umm, phone line's breaking up BYEEEE."

Then again, some teenagers are a lot more dependent on their parents when making decisions like that. I have no idea how mine will turn out yet.
 

SuzanneSeese

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I think a lot of parents joke about "getting the kids out of the house" but when the day comes it's gut wrenching. From the day they are born it's a parents job to protect, feed, cloth, teach, etc. To have your 17 year old leave under uncertain circumstances would be like a piece of the parents heart being removed, more like ripped out. The love a parent has for a child is like no other you've experienced.
 

buz

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Can you have this guy take her by force or subterfuge or something? Or have the daughter want to go and sneak out on her own? I find it hard to imagine that a loving, deeply attached father would let his daughter go with some sketchball regardless of his "company"; I imagine something would have to be beyond his control for her to go.
 

Mark G

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While I don't have this situation, I think it's not a stretch to imagine what I would do.

It would depend a whole lot on the relationship between the parent and the child. If you take a look at a billion parents and their relationship with their children, you'll see a billion different relationships. So you can imagine the relationship to be whatever serves your plot. It doesn't necessarily need to be the exact relationship that "most" readers would have with their kids or parents.

Teens tend to be problematic for parents, because they want freedom. Teens tend to think they know everything, or know more than their parents. They're learning everything "fresh" and parents have knowledge that's "stale". Teens tend to be rebellious, because they want to be treated like adults. They want adult priviledges and adult rights and they want to be taken seriously. That stress of the changing relationship with a parent that used to be the undisputed guru/advisor/know-it-all can play out in a billion differrent ways. Most of that depends on the amount of affection the kids and parents have for eachother.

Where the mother is gone, maybe the dad gave his kids lots of attention and kind help, and helped them overcome the grief of the loss of a mom they adored. Maybe their mom was a psychotic bitch or a mean drunk alcoholic and the kids were happy she died and dad became a drunk after her death. Billions of possibilities.

So, the teen either loves and respects and admires dad, and hangs onto dad as her pillar and lifeline, or she mentally and emotionally started distancing herself after mom's death and started depending more on her friends. She'll have emotional pillars to hold herself together and anchor her. Why would she leave that to go investigate her "abilities"? Maybe one of her emotional pillars draws her away from dad?

Dad will react based entirely on the relationship he has with the kid. If it's a close relationship that's working well, he'll resist. If it's a painful relationship with a lot of yelling and screaming and crying involved, then maybe he'll be happy to let her go? Maybe not.
 

hammerklavier

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She's going to have to run away from home, or get kidnapped or coerced. That would make for a more interesting story (subplots, twists, eventual reconciliation with Dad, etc).
 

Hiroko

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Interesting responses, everyone.

Goodness, no, Stranger does not share Daughter's powers. He isn't the type to just pick a girl up and kidnap her away, either.

Where I have it now, making Daddy Dearest upset is not a direction I want to take. I'm considering elongating the situation with more talking, demonstrations, etc...
I think of my father. At that age, I might have been able to convince him of letting me go.

I hate to ask any more of you guys (having already answered many questions :tongue), but in the case of being sat down with Stranger and Daughter in agreement on wanting to go and getting a well thought-out argument for letting her go...what would you require of that argument?

This is probably my last question. I shall tax you all no more (probably).
 

shaldna

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Would you let her go, or say no?


Hell no.

If I have spent 17 years wondering, then I could spend another one or two wondering.

I would probably breach the topic with her before even thinking about and try to get to the bottom of stuff.
 

Captcha

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It's boys involved, but I'm thinking about the Canadian junior hockey system, in which 15- or 16-year-old boys are drafted and billeted with families (who may or may not be known to the original family) miles and miles from home. I've read of other examples of this sort of thing in various other sports, as well, and in some of the other sports, the children are female.

I think the parents allow it because they see it as an opportunity for the kids to hit the big time. Maybe as the ONLY opportunity, or at at least the best one. Now, this would be different because the parents would have seen the kids working towards this goal for years. It wouldn't have snuck up on them, as it seems to have with the father in your story.

So... maybe you could change it so that the father hasn't been 'vaguely aware' of the abilities. Maybe the daughter has been working at them for ages, getting frustrated by her lack of guidance, and maybe even doing things that the father is pretty sure are dangerous.

If you want the father to come off well, I think you need to convince him that it's best that his daughter go, right? It's not a casual 'sure, have fun,' thing, it's 'God, I don't know what else to do, I'm so worried about her here, it's only a matter of time before X, and these people (whom I've thoroughly investigated) seem like they have a good way to prevent X and help her towards Y.'

In other words - I don't think it's at all out of the question. You just need to back it up and make it clear that if she doesn't go, something bad will happen, or if she does go, something great will happen.
 

sheadakota

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Hiroko;[B said:
but in the case of being sat down with Stranger and Daughter in agreement on wanting to go and getting a well thought-out argument for letting her go...what would you require of that argument?[/B]

This is probably my last question. I shall tax you all no more (probably).

She's still not going. Bottom line, she's 17, he's a guy I don't know. Only way she's leaving is if she go's without my permission. Call me over protective, I don't really care. Nothing would convince me to let my 17 yr old daughter go anywhere with a guy I do not know.
 

LilGreenBookworm

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It's boys involved, but I'm thinking about the Canadian junior hockey system, in which 15- or 16-year-old boys are drafted and billeted with families (who may or may not be known to the original family) miles and miles from home. I've read of other examples of this sort of thing in various other sports, as well, and in some of the other sports, the children are female.

I think the parents allow it because they see it as an opportunity for the kids to hit the big time. Maybe as the ONLY opportunity, or at at least the best one. Now, this would be different because the parents would have seen the kids working towards this goal for years. It wouldn't have snuck up on them, as it seems to have with the father in your story.

So... maybe you could change it so that the father hasn't been 'vaguely aware' of the abilities. Maybe the daughter has been working at them for ages, getting frustrated by her lack of guidance, and maybe even doing things that the father is pretty sure are dangerous.

If you want the father to come off well, I think you need to convince him that it's best that his daughter go, right? It's not a casual 'sure, have fun,' thing, it's 'God, I don't know what else to do, I'm so worried about her here, it's only a matter of time before X, and these people (whom I've thoroughly investigated) seem like they have a good way to prevent X and help her towards Y.'

In other words - I don't think it's at all out of the question. You just need to back it up and make it clear that if she doesn't go, something bad will happen, or if she does go, something great will happen.


This.

My dad and I have an amazing relationship. There has always been a ton of trust and mutual respect. And every time I've had to leave him, it has ripped him apart. When I left for college, he hugged me, cried, and refused to let go. It scared me, because the only time I'd ever seen him cry before that was when his parents died. And the day I moved in with my fiance halfway across the country, he texted me from the airport parking lot after dropping me off and said, "It's a good thing you didn't turn around. You would have seen one hell of a big crying baby not wanting you to leave."

It's so hard for parents to let their kids go, especially when they have such a good relationship, so I agree with the above: it really needs to be a situation where she will hugely benefit from going and be in danger if she doesn't. The limited knowledge he has will be a small comfort but, with it being kind of a "she goes or she might die" type of thing, he might (very reluctantly) let her go.
 

Hiroko

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Captcha, LilGreenBookworm, and everyone else: Agreed. I very much see your line of thought.

My father was like that, too, when I first left the home. I've been trying to tap into how he must have felt, as I was also the first to go and have a very close relationship with him. It's obviously not the same as you looking on at your child leaving, so obviously I asked AW.

Thank you all for the responses!

:Clap: