View Full Version : Awful titles for awful stories.

11-24-2011, 11:38 AM
As writers of any genre or form, we spend a lot of time trying to come up with shining jewels of titles that promise the wonders contained in our stories.

Forget that.

Let's have some horrible titles. Not just bad in themselves, but clear warnings that the story stinks.

Minor Illness of a Mid-level Account Executive

Cliff Face
11-24-2011, 03:15 PM
An example of boredom in flatulent iguanas.

Wayne K
11-24-2011, 04:28 PM
The life and times of no one in particular

11-24-2011, 08:13 PM
The Fishmonger's Daily Account Ledger

11-24-2011, 09:15 PM
A day in the life of a Scandinavian cloud formation

11-24-2011, 09:33 PM
The Handmaiden's Cuticle Grooming Regimen

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 03:04 AM
Got Book?

Wayne K
11-25-2011, 03:06 AM
The Tao of sloth and humbuggery

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 03:13 AM
Taxidermy In A Corporate Meeting.

(Actually, that one has a little promise...)

11-25-2011, 03:13 AM
The Buddhist Method of Assembling Submachine Guns

11-25-2011, 04:01 AM
Banker, Failure, Mouldered Thighs

... by John le Sorré

11-25-2011, 04:08 AM
The Seventy-year-Old's Visit into the Mysticism of Grass


11-25-2011, 04:08 AM
No one beats Silicone Valley titles.

Not the valley where they make tech stuff, but the other silicone valley where they make porn...

11-25-2011, 04:09 AM
Sunday Afternoon Driving in Lancaster

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 04:10 AM
To Sleep, Perchance To Sleep Some More.

11-25-2011, 04:14 AM
The Two Gentlemen of Pensacola

11-25-2011, 04:32 AM
I am Sitting Here

11-25-2011, 04:45 AM
A Brief History of Lime.

Last Mango in Paris.

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 04:49 AM
The Splendiferous Ramifications Of Discombobulated Tedium.

11-25-2011, 05:37 AM
Something Happened, But It Wasn't Important

11-25-2011, 06:56 AM
Musings on the Symbolism of Everyday Life
with footnotes and finger puppets

Wayne K
11-25-2011, 07:25 AM
The Can of Soup and the Damage Done

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 08:03 AM
Oh Flargle Of My Diuvumlamble, How I Note Thy Spintum.

11-25-2011, 08:05 AM
The Princess and the Pustule

11-25-2011, 09:47 AM
The Way Of All Flesh Eating Bacteria.

A Handful Of Pus.

Wayne K
11-25-2011, 09:57 AM
The not so good, the not so bad, and the plain looking

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 11:40 AM
Peace In 100,000 Words.

Arcadia Divine
11-25-2011, 02:35 PM
Anatomy Of All Things Truly U-g-l-y

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 02:37 PM
A Day In The Life Of A Sloth.

Arcadia Divine
11-25-2011, 02:38 PM
Have Elite Idea, Will Write

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 02:42 PM
The Danger Of Belly Button Lint.

Arcadia Divine
11-25-2011, 02:42 PM
Grammar For The Funnies

Cliff Face
11-25-2011, 02:44 PM
One Walked Slowly And Cautiously Underneath The Cuckoo's Nest.

11-25-2011, 06:30 PM
Fantasy: "Our Heroes Roam the Land", part 1 of the seventeen-book series The Chronicles of Borednia

Horror: "Boo, Hiss: Meeting your Inlaws"

Comedy: "Knock-knock and other overused jokes"

Romance: "Desidious Slut Tries to Romance Two Guys"

11-25-2011, 07:45 PM
Guess Where My Hand Is?

11-26-2011, 12:11 AM
A suburban office worker struggles to make ends meet and still have a little fun, in...

The Remains of the Pay.

11-26-2011, 02:55 AM
Memoirs of an Amnesiac.

Arcadia Divine
11-26-2011, 03:25 AM
Did everyone die the end?

Cliff Face
11-26-2011, 09:30 AM
From The Worst-Selling Author of "Pimples And Other Party Poppers" comes the new Smash-Flop, "Safety Vests: How To Survive A Tea Party".

M. Chandler
11-26-2011, 09:50 AM
My Delicate Feets: A Blank-Verse Love Story

Cliff Face
11-26-2011, 11:09 AM
Speling And The Grammer For Novuhlzts.

11-27-2011, 01:31 AM
The Glue Sticks

11-27-2011, 01:46 AM
I think my brain's wiring must be all wrong, I find a lot of these titles fascinating.

Considerations on the hair style of the woman at the bus stop and the interaction of said hair style with her apparel.

Pistol Whipped Bee
11-27-2011, 02:11 AM
Neville And Midget Moe Buy A Pony.

11-27-2011, 02:15 AM
Mooning Over A Girl Without Actually Doing Anything About It.

11-27-2011, 04:09 AM
The Plague That Could (And Did Not.)

11-27-2011, 04:13 AM
Tax and Papier-Maché Dinners

Cliff Face
11-27-2011, 04:40 AM
Rock Stars Of Antarctica.

11-27-2011, 05:09 AM
Adventures of Luke Starkiller, as taken from the Journal of the Whills, Saga I: The Star Wars

11-27-2011, 05:31 AM
The Disinterested Whines of Three Dogs at the Back Door
(And Their Tale of Complacency)

11-27-2011, 07:57 AM
Stichomantic Kakorrhaphiophobia
(and Other Lifted Works)

Cliff Face
11-27-2011, 08:53 AM
The Advanced Study Book To Conquer Illiteracy (with neuroscientific examples of homogeneous philanthropy).

11-27-2011, 10:56 AM
Angst: A Users Guide

Cliff Face
11-27-2011, 03:47 PM
The Unshed Blood That Helped Someone Breathe.

11-27-2011, 10:25 PM
The Horse's Trough and Other Galloping Gossip

11-27-2011, 11:30 PM
Bite Down Please: A Dentist's Tale

Arcadia Divine
11-28-2011, 04:17 AM
Fraudulent Ways Of The Talking Watermelons

11-28-2011, 09:27 AM
The Spectacular Spittle of the Spaniard
And other Homilies directed against those Iberians

11-28-2011, 09:37 AM
Downfall (of The President of The Home Owners Association)

Cliff Face
11-28-2011, 02:08 PM
This Book Is A Total Rip-Off (And other self-evident truths from the author of nothing much of interest to anybody.)

11-28-2011, 02:40 PM
I Can't Remember Whether it was a Tuesday or a Wednesday that I Brought the Sprouts Back from the Supermarket.

Dust jacket blurb: In a world where sprouts are quantum, can one woman survive boiling them?

Cliff Face
11-29-2011, 07:57 AM
The Great Big Joke Book Of Things To Do That Aren't Funny.

11-29-2011, 08:12 AM
Pride and Perspiration

Blight Club

A Tale of Two Cities That Have Really Bad Public Transportation Systems

12-03-2011, 05:59 AM
The Lies of Two Liars Lying

DL Hegel
12-03-2011, 08:07 AM
Hairball Chic: a Dummy's Guide to the Perfect Hairball

By F. E. Line the author of the Zen Art of Clawing Furniture and Drape Climbing for Your Health

02-16-2012, 03:58 AM
Codpieces and Cacophony: A History of Unsuccessful Fourteenth Century Lute Players.

02-16-2012, 12:22 PM
Illusion of Lies

squeaky pram
02-16-2012, 04:27 PM
Some of these are quite good, actually. Here are the ones I'm drawn to. I'd at least pick these up off the shelves and have a look:

Sunday Afternoon Driving in Lancaster

The Two Gentlemen of Pensacola

Angst: A Users Guide

Bite Down Please: A Dentist's Tale

A Tale of Two Cities That Have Really Bad Public Transportation Systems

Memoirs of an Amnesiac.

Truly, these seem very promising to me!

Let's see if I can do any better at being bad... Ok, what about The Werewolf Accessorizes, or Baby Vampire Nursery School ??

squeaky pram
02-16-2012, 06:38 PM
Just these few more and back to work!

Wish upon a Scar (horror)

Wish upon a Car (male-bonding, road trip)

Wish upon a Bar (chick-lit) Or Wish upon the Bar (comedy about love and life among a group of aspiring lawyers)

Wish upon Afar (romance)

Wish upon a Par (comedy: sports/golfing)

Wish upon a Guitar (YA)

Wish upon a Tzar (historical)

And of course:

Wish upon Jafar! (children's)


02-17-2012, 02:01 AM
I have to say some of the titles for romance novels out lately are hilarious. One publisher makes them quite literal.

Like, The Virgin Bride and The Billionaire, etc. Some of them crack me up when I see them at the store.