A question of consequences

Since you asked.
Do you know if it was an isolated incident? If so, I'd let it go. But, I'd be gently inquiring of my kid, over the next month or so, to see if it remained an isolated incident. (Not just involving my son, but also instances involving other kids.)

I agree with Willibee. Let your son know that he can tell you if it happens again with this same boy.

It may have been a one-off incident with the boy losing his temper. And everyone knows fat is used as an insult. So it may not be worth making a huge incident about.

I would be one to mention it to the boy's mother so she can talk to him about his behavior.

When I was a boy and had problems with a bully, my Dad taught me how to fight. He said, if you run from the bully or get him punished, it will never stop. Get his respect. Even if you lose the fight, at least he knows that the next time he does it, his behavior will get him a punch in the nose.

But, that was in the 1950s. We didn't have the benefit of psychological counselling and concerns about children's psyches then. I don't think the word "coddling" was known in my neighborhood.

Al Stevens said:

When I was a boy and had problems with a bully, my Dad taught me how to fight. He said, if you run from the bully or get him punished, it will never stop. Get his respect. Even if you lose the fight, at least he knows that the next time he does it, his behavior will get him a punch in the nose.

But, that was in the 1950s. We didn't have the benefit of psychological counselling and concerns about children's psyches then. I don't think the word "coddling" was known in my neighborhood.

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Hmm. I don't think that not telling a 5 year old to punch a 7 year old in the face qualifies as "coddling."

Further, these days schools have two methods for dealing with fights. 1. Pretend they never happened. 2. Suspend both students regardless of who started it.

Sweetleaf, we had a similar incident a while back where a neighbor boy threw a chunk of ice at my son hard enough to scrape up my son's face. Like you, were are friends with family. My husband took our son over to their house and spoke with the offending boy's mother, simply explaining what had happened so she could address the behavior however she saw fit. She was glad we told her, shared that it was a recent pattern of behavior with him they'd been working to address, and made the boy apologize.

Speaking as a teacher, I know this is a tough one.

On the one hand, I know that school enforcement of discipline is nothing with out parental support and I would love to get back to the days when a 'letter home to the parents' was a major threat because the parents would deal with it a lot more strictly than the school legally could. However, more often than not I've known parents do nothing about these things so the threat is useless (plus there is often the ASBO pride thing you get in some kids where being in trouble is a kudos thing...). If you think that she will actually do something effective in disciplining him then I would tell her.

However, you are right about the potential for him to suffer more at the hands of this bully as a result and from this point of view you do need to be careful.

Now, if it is not an isolated incident (and frankly, I suspect there will be more similar incidents and probably not reported and possibly under the radar of the school...) then there is an option of talking to all parents whose kids have been affected by this and presenting a united front to his parents in which case the kid in question won't know who said anything (and if he goes looking for revenge, the school can be keeping an eye on him...).

So, perhaps your first step may be to talk to the school and find out more information? They take any bullying seriously and will want to investigate. This may mean keeping a closer eye on him, it may mean checking the discipline records or talking to all teachers who do playground duty and asking them if similar incidents have occured. It may also mean a chat about 'how bullying is bad' in assembly one morning because at that age they sometimes don't fully understand that such things are bad as well as they might in later years.