PDA

View Full Version : Suspense/Thriller : Beta



Eggle
11-13-2011, 02:47 PM
I am looking for a beta reader for my suspense novel (It is a WIP and I only have about 5000 words).

Synopsis/ Premise:
A woman falls in love with her psychiatrist, who gives in to temptation and then finds himself being stalked and threatened by her.

If you choose to be the beta reader, you can opt out at any time if you stop enjoying the story. I only ask that you don't share my writing with anyone.
thank you!

Chapter 1 is posted below for review.
================================

The thick mahogany door swung open to reveal a pretty Asian woman in her late thirties. In her haste she strode out and almost barged into a man standing by the elevator. "Jason! What the - what a pleasant surprise" Her high-pitched voice revealed an excited nervousness.

"Hi Reena" He gave her the barest nod of acknowledgment and stood watching her with a pained expression in his eyes.

Reena should have been overjoyed to see him - it was hard enough to get him to return her calls and here was the man himself, standing right in front of her. Instead, she felt a strange dryness in her
mouth, a sudden unease in the pit of her stomach.

Jason fumbled for something in his coat pocket and pulled out a blackberry phone. "Is this yours?"
The color drained from Reena's cheeks. How could she be so careless! "I was just wondering what it was doing in my bedroom?" Jason continued. "As you might have noticed, I wasn't even in town
yesterday." Jason was looking calmly into her eyes, waiting for her to look up.

Reena swallowed. It was clear she was doing some quick thinking. But she stood quietly, eventually dropping her gaze to his feet.

"I'm asking you, Reena!" Jason sighed impatiently. "Am I mistaken to conclude that if your phone was in my house last night, you were there as well?"

Reena's cheeks flushed bright red. She could have dismissed his thoughts as mere suspicion. But here he was, waving evidence in her face. It was totally unexpected.

Jason held out the phone for her and waited. He was about to turn around and leave, when Reena finally made a move to take it back.

"I'm...I'm so sorry Jason" This time Jason averted his gaze, uneasy at the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I.. I never meant to...but...but...I was missing you...I never took anything...I was just...Oh Jason!!" Her whole body shook with her sobs "You just cut me off completely. You never return my calls. You never want to see me. And...and you said you love me!" Right now, she wanted nothing more than to break down in his arms, to feel his stubble against her neck as he kissed her and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. Just the thought of his touch evened out her breathing.

Jason sighed. "Reena...you should know by now it's over. And I don't have to ask you how you did it. I'm sure, as a Police Detective, it's not too hard for you. All I want to say is...Please stop stalking me, will you?" He had raised his voice without intending to.

Jason swallowed and willed himself to stay calm, though he had a mental image of running through the streets of New York with Reena chasing him in a squad car, waving a loaded gun. He fought hard to dispel the image from his mind.

He realized that he was still holding out Reena's phone - and his hand was shaking visibly. He quickly buried his hand into his coat pocket. It was still shaking. He tried to talk himself out of his fear. "It's just a story you're telling yourself. She's not capable of killing you. Your life is in no real danger." But his heart was pounding in his ears and drowning out the sound of his inner voice.

As a psychiatrist, he realized for the first time, how hard it was to 'just breathe'. To trust the goodness in others. To forgive. He felt violated. What had he done to deserve this? A few dates...and
admittedly, some great sex...and now he had this twisted, powerful and beautiful enemy who would stop at nothing to get her way. And she was smart...but not smarter than him. Not by a long shot. The thought calmed Jason down enough to speak again.

"Oh by the way..." Jason pulled the phone back out of his pocket and dialed a number. "I'm keeping this" He pocketed the phone and disappeared behind the sliding doors of the elevator, just as Reena's
phone started to trill the strains of "I will follow you".

"Love of mine...some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white....

For a few seconds Reena stood frozen in horror, trying to locate the sound. Then it hit her. "You smartass bastard!" she fumed. All it took was an identical phone to make her blab everything. So much for being a Police Detective and hacking into Jason's home security system. The phone continued to buzz and trill in her bag. Reena took it out and silenced the damn thing.

Bufty
11-13-2011, 05:11 PM
If you only have 5,000 words written you are nowhere near ready for a beta reader.

Beta readers normally read finished and polished novels, and are not in the habit of 'sharing the writing' of those for whom they beta read.

Eggle
11-13-2011, 05:17 PM
Dear Bufty, thanks for the advice. Have a nice day.

Eggle
11-13-2011, 06:49 PM
Please pm me if interested, and do not post to say you're not interested.