Anyone with children? Get much writing done?

Go to bed when your kids do. Get up at 4:00 AM. That's what I did for many years when my children (three of them, including one who is retarded/autistic) were young. I then had to get ready for work and leave by 6:00 AM. I got home around 3:00 PM, made supper, played with kids, helped with homework, while also changing diapers and feedings, etc. If I could fit in an hour writing in the evening, I did. Otherwise, it was to bed early and up at 4:00 the next morning. I do have a husband, but his arrival time at home after work was anywhere from 9:00 PM on ...

Weekends were precious. Days off due to snow, golden. As the older ones grew up I still had (and will always have) the son who is developmentally delayed and autistic. He can't feed himself nor use the toilet, but I was determined to write. Some days I'd sit in his room while he played with toys - I'd have a laptop in my lap and write.

Look at your schedule and your children's needs. Try to carve out 30 minutes here or there. I used to have a 'reading time,' too, when my two older girls got into books. My son would nap; they would read and I write. It's not easy, not saying it is, but if you look carefully at the family schedule you may find times here and there that can be yours.

Hi Kado,
I have three kids ranging from four and a half to nine years of age, work part time and also volunteer at my children's school, helping out with their literacy program they have going there. Between all that and the shopping, cooking housework etc, I too struggle with energy at night and find I can only usually do an hour before my eyes refuse to stay open. Sometimes if I've had lots of coffee at work I can stay up later and live off a few hours sleep - my kids are little early birds - 5.22am (yes, that's what my alarm clock says every time my son pops into my room to wake me up - no need to set the alarm!)
But, eventually, the coffee gets to me and I hate being wired and unable to fall asleep when I need it so I have cut down and am trying to fit writing in when I can and sometimes have weekend marathons.
Okay, so I'm not much help here. But I think I'll actually try Jaksen's suggestion and hope that I don't wake my early birds even earlier, lol.

Oh, lordy, yes, I know what you mean. When my kids were that young, I felt lucky if I wrote a single sentence. Literally. I'd lay down with my 2yo, get him to sleep, then drag myself out of bed and write the next sentence or two. Spent all summer writing a single picture book.

It didn't help that my husband was sliding deeper into his bipolar disorder and refusing to get help. So I divorced him, and suddenly I had Friday night and Saturday morning free to write while they were at his house. Such a luxury!

Now my boys are teenagers, and I thought things would be getting easier, but no. We live near both the junior high and the high school, so all their friends have figured out we're the place to stop by on their way home from school. Never a quiet moment...

You just have to force yourself to find a few minutes, no matter what. Even if it isn't very productive! A little bit at a time can add up very quickly. I'm lucky if I get 2K written a week, but in a year that added up to a finished 55K novel that got 2 full requests almost as soon as I started querying. (I write MG fic.) So... I keep plugging away.

Up at 3:00 am. Write until 7:00 or 7:30 when baby wakes. Editing in the afternoon during nap time. In bed by 8:00 pm.

It's the only time I have that's quiet and free of interruptions.

I have four children,ages 19,11,10,and 6.

I know exactly what you mean. They are like a marauding band of hooligans,especially the three boys. You would think the 19 year old wouldn't be an issue,but he is. He asks my opinion about his clothes,how lovely his dreads look,etc. I am living with an egomaniac. Just like his mama.

The Gruesome Threesome tend to run around the house,yelling at the top of their lungs and generally asking a thousand questions.

By bedtime,I am QUITE relieved.

I write when they are asleep and I am not ashamed to admit that the Wii and Playstation 3 are excellent distraction tools.

You have to be ruthless about your writing time. As Moms,sometimes we feel guilty for shutting ourselves away from our kids,as though we aren't being good moms. Or we think that planting them in front of a video game is SUCH bad parenting. Bah,I say.

Your writing needs nurturing,too. You have to make time for it. When the little darlings are napping or with the grandparents,get to writing. Outline,make a few notes,just do something with the time you have.

Since my kids are older,they understand what when I disappear into my room that I am NOT to be disturbed unless there is an announcement that Tupac is alive or WW3 is about to pop off. I am naturally a night person and when I am off work,once they go to bed,I write from ten until it is time for them to get ready for school. Once I get going,it's ON.

As I said,my kids are older. I cannot imagine how hard it is with small munchkins.

With them being so young,I think bedtime can be moved up by an hour and then maybe you can nap for an hour or so to recharge yourself. Also,carve out 30 minutes or so when you put them down for a nap or when they are watching their favorite movie. Since you are fizzled out by 11,maybe writing at night isn't your natural time. Try getting up extra early before they wake up and write. You might just be more of a morning writer.

Kado said:

Oh, what does MG stand for? I'm sure that is the dumbest question ever...^^

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Middle grade.

Kado said:

How can you write so quickly and still do everything that needs doing?

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1 - not everything needs doing now. People will not die if there's a bit of dust about etc. lol. Some things you can let slide a bit. I tend to have one massive clearup once a week. Washing up/cooking/washing (washing, neverending washing, I could drown in unwashed clothes!) get done daily. If it won;t kill anyone to leave till Clearup Day, it gets left.

2 - Delegation.

3 - And this will pay dividends in more than just writing. Don't always be interesting to your kids. Learn to bore them. If you are the go-to OMG Excitement person, they will keep expecting you to entertain them. They need to learn to entertain themselves rather than always be entertained. Don't feel guilty for teaching them what they need to learn. Bonus; you get some time to yourself

Things I used to use when kiddies were small:

Big plastic sheet, an easel, some paints, and naked kids. Let them splosh to their heart's content.

Lego - you can never have too much lego. Challenge them to see who can build the highest tower/best spaceship etc

They like pirates? Get a tin, pop some sweets in (chocolate coins work esp well.) Bury it in a patch in the garden. Make a simple map with X on it. Give them a couple of plastic spades. Tell them to find the treasure. This used to keep my son occupied for ages!

If you have a laptop, just send 'em out into teh garden. Kids that age will ALWAYS find something interesting; a snail, a spider's web etc. Mud. (Mud pies were a fave too). Then you sit and keep an eye on them writing on your laptop.

I can't write when my kids are awake and around, unless they are both occupied with friends (they're 4 & 7) or playing happily together. I find I need solid chunks of time. I like the idea of getting up at 3 or 4, writing until they wake up, and going to bed at eight but...don't any of you have partners? My marriage is already faltering with the demands of writing and kids and the rest of it.

Anyway, don't feel bad if it takes you a long time. Your kids are only young once. Writing will be there forever. My last was published in 2007, right before my second kid came along, and I'm just finishing up the final draft of the current book so that's...4 years. Egads.

Phew - I was beginning to think it was just me who struggled. I actually found it easier when the kids were babies. When I had to get my thesis finished, I knew they'd have daytime naps, which meant I had a spare hour or two to get things done and this worked well at making me focus. Now they're older, in theory I have more time, but I find I'm constantly disturbed by friends coming in, having to break up fights, answer the constant cry of 'I'm hungry' etc.

I also completely agree with idiotsrus. At a certain age the kids can learn to entertain themselves. If they're upset or poorly, they come to me, if it's entertainment they want, they can go to their dad! (he's in a much better position to deal with 2 boisterous boys aged 7 and 9).

I too wish I could get up at 4am or work late into the evening, but my husband would moan, so basically I just make sure the laptop is left on and I can quickly stick a few sentences in when I get the chance. I know it'll be rough and need substantial polishing, but, hopefully, it's a step in the right direction.

For me, it's about balance. I have two children (now 11 & 14), a full-time job, a husband who travels and all the responsibilities of home and family. Since about 2003, I've written 5 novels and at least two dozen short stories. When my family has needed me, like when the kids were small, my husband is away, I need to do overtime at work, I scale back the time I spend on my writing. When my family is more independent and my job is at a lull, I spend more time on writing.

Your children are little and, as someone said, they'll only be little for a short time. Write when you can but spend time with your family now. You won't regret it. Writing will still be there when you're ready.

My secret? Caffeine. By the gallons.

I have an 18 month old. Over the summer, I wrote a 92,000-word UF. How did I do it? I got obsessed with it. Seriously. I thought about it all the time. I worked out scenes and dialogue in my head as I was chasing her around, untangled plot points as I was making dinner, and outlined the climax in the car while running errands. So when she either took her nap or went to bed for the night (around 8:00pm), I sat down at the computer and hammered out all of my ideas. By the time I sat down to write, I was *writing*--instead of staring at the screen wondering what I was going to write about. I also found that writing really woke me up. So if I was tired before I got started at 8:30 pm, I was wide awake and perky by 9:00 because I was just so jazzed about how my novel was progressing. And when I did start to get tired, I turned to my old friend, caffeine.

There were repercussions, of course. When I went back to work full-time in August (college prof), I was tired as hell. Still am! But I'm not too tired to revise, work on the query, keep track of my submissions, and write a novella. Of course, at this point, if you were to cut me, I'd bleed coffee and sugar, but I plan to do a detox over the Christmas break, and then probably do it all over again in 2012!

(Oh, and I also have to say that I have a very supportive DH who knows that once the kid is knocked out, he's not to talk to me. I was good about scheduling a night off every now and then so that we could hang out, but even then, I was trying to figure out how to get my MC out of the latest situation I got her into.)

Wow,you guys are inspiring!

BRAVO to you all!

Note:I expect we will all be completely insane by the time we are published but it'll be worth it!

Sorin said:

My secret? Caffeine. By the gallons.

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Me too! I have one of those coffeemakers that can be programmed to turn on at a certain hour. It's a life-saver.

Kado,

Just wanted to send some encouragement your way. I have 4 kids, ages 15, 8, 7, & 7, one of whom is autistic and severly mentally disabled. This is the first year all four of my kids have been in school all day. That makes a HUGE difference. I finally have large blocks of time when I can write without stopping! Your kids are so young right now that it's difficult to accomplish anything. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Like someone else said, just do a little at a time whenever you can. Eventually, a little adds up to a lot. Do the best you can with what you have. And a supportive husband does help. I have Crohn's disease and can't stay up late or get up early to write when the kids are asleep. If I get over-tired, my Crohn's can flare. I used to go to Starbucks every Saturday and write while my husband had the kids. It helped me hold on to my sanity!<g>

It took me a while (years), but I just started querying my novel yesterday and got my first request for a partial today!

It'll work out for you, just be easy on yourself.

No. ( the short answer )

My last twitter post dealt with this exact subject.

sknipper said:

It took me a while (years), but I just started querying my novel yesterday and got my first request for a partial today!

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Congratulations on your partial.

Lady M, thank you! I didn't expect to get a response this fast. Now I'm one of those people compulsively checking email and re-reading my manuscript. <g> But it's good.

Kado, CONGRATS on writing that final chapter!!! That's Huge! Especially with little kids! You need to celebrate your accomplishment.

And yes, I had trouble writing and reading when I was pregnant. I would jumble all of my words. It made me crazy!

IdiotsRUs said:

1 - not everything needs doing now. People will not die if there's a bit of dust about etc. lol. Some things you can let slide a bit. I tend to have one massive clearup once a week. Washing up/cooking/washing (washing, neverending washing, I could drown in unwashed clothes!) get done daily. If it won;t kill anyone to leave till Clearup Day, it gets left.

2 - Delegation.

3 - And this will pay dividends in more than just writing. Don't always be interesting to your kids. Learn to bore them. If you are the go-to OMG Excitement person, they will keep expecting you to entertain them. They need to learn to entertain themselves rather than always be entertained. Don't feel guilty for teaching them what they need to learn. Bonus; you get some time to yourself

Things I used to use when kiddies were small:

Big plastic sheet, an easel, some paints, and naked kids. Let them splosh to their heart's content.

Lego - you can never have too much lego. Challenge them to see who can build the highest tower/best spaceship etc

They like pirates? Get a tin, pop some sweets in (chocolate coins work esp well.) Bury it in a patch in the garden. Make a simple map with X on it. Give them a couple of plastic spades. Tell them to find the treasure. This used to keep my son occupied for ages!

If you have a laptop, just send 'em out into teh garden. Kids that age will ALWAYS find something interesting; a snail, a spider's web etc. Mud. (Mud pies were a fave too). Then you sit and keep an eye on them writing on your laptop.

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What you said about 'boring.' So true. The best thing you can give your kids is the ability to take care of themselves AND keep themselves interested/occupied in the world and themselves. I used to say "I am not the Entertainment Director around here. Go find something to do!" And if they complained, I'd let them wash the kitchen floor. My older two children are now adults and have actually thanked me for this, saying their friends are often 'bored' when, gee, Mom, there are so many things we can do!

And for me one of those 'so many things' is writing. I'm retired now and love it. Still got my son to take care of, but I have a few extra hours each day for writing that I never had before.

Kado said:

And woah, 92k in a summer?!? Incredible...well done!

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Yeah, I don't necessarily recommend the obsession method of writing a novel, but hey, it did get written.

On the other hand, I've got 9K of another novel staring at me from a long-neglected file on my computer. It's been staring at me for about 2 years now. I keep promising it that I'll get back to it, but I think its beginning to lose hope . . .

Kado said:

Now I need to get me one of those coffee makers.

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Caffeine is lifesblood, I tell you. Lifesblood!

sknipper said:

It took me a while (years), but I just started querying my novel yesterday and got my first request for a partial today!

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So awesome! Congrats!

And, I'm in awe of people with twins. My one is plenty. I couldn't imagine having two at the same time. I would lose whatever tentative grip on sanity I currently have.

Thanks Sorin! I was stunned with I recieved the request for the partial. Now I can't stop checking my email.

Oh, and I agree, twins would push me over the edge. My two 7-year-olds aren't twins, one just turned 7 two weeks ago, and the other will be 8 in February. We adopted them from China several years apart. Our family make-up is a little confusing!