Etiquette question

rhymegirl

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We're having a 21st birthday party for my son on Sunday.

I mailed out invitations about 2 and a half weeks ago. I did ask people to RSVP. At this point in time, I have not heard back from most of the people invited. (only 3 people responded they are coming.)

My question is this: If I do not hear back from the other invited guests, should I assume they are NOT coming?
 

Snowstorm

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I should think you can assume that.

For MY peace of mind, I would call them to verify they received the invitations and, if they had, nudge them to say yes or or no. It's not fair to you for people to leave you hanging whether or not they'll show.
 

rhymegirl

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I have 2 main concerns. One, I don't have that much room here, so I really need a count in case I need to find more chairs. And two, I need to know how much food to buy.

I truly don't think I should have to call people.
 

areteus

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Yep, it is good etiquette to respond to a RSVP (I mean, if you understand the meaning of the abbreviation it does sort of say it, well if you understand french :) Respond Please...). However, 21 year olds are less likely to know this and also know that they are expected to respond whether they can make it or not (I don't, for example, imagine many of them have been to many weddings of their peer group yet, which is the main place you will encounter RSVPs these days).

So, I would say a quick follow up call to ask if they are making it or not. Alternatively (assuming this is not a surprise party :) ) have your son do the rounds of all who have been sent invites (or he can e-mail them or text them or whatever) as this may seem more casual and therefore may elicit a better response (some people get intimidated by official invites :) )
 

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You shouldn't have to--but one often does.

You might want to try using Evite; it will "remind" people for you.
 

Sue_L

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I used to work with teenagers/college age kids and the only way to get them to remember to RSVP to an event was by using evite and/or a Facebook event invite.
 

rhymegirl

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However, 21 year olds are less likely to know this and also know that they are expected to respond whether they can make it or not (I don't, for example, imagine many of them have been to many weddings of their peer group yet, which is the main place you will encounter RSVPs these days).

My son is 21, the people I invited are not. They are my husband's relatives, all in their fifties.
 

Lavern08

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My son is 21, the people I invited are not. They are my husband's relatives, all in their fifties.

DANG!

This is a major pet peeve of mine = People who don't RSVP when invited to an event. :rant:

I'd assume they're coming and prepare accordingly - If there are tons of leftovers, you can send it home with the guests who had the common courtesy to respond. ;)
 

Shakesbear

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For peace of mind I'd phone and nudge them. At least you'll know how much food to buy and how many chairs. And you won't be stressed about having too much or too little.
 

lucidzfl

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Send out another notification, stating that there will be free booze, but you require an RSVP to know how many handles of Johnny Walker to buy.

The requests will come flooding in.
 

MaryMumsy

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My son is 21, the people I invited are not. They are my husband's relatives, all in their fifties.

In that case I would prepare for the ones who have responded. If any of the others show up, just look puzzled when you answer the door and say "oh, we didn't think you were coming, there aren't enough chairs or food". But I'm kind of mean that way.

MM
who needs to go immediately to email and RSVP to an open house
 

Grrarrgh

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I like Mary Mumsey's solution. :)

This is what I told a friend who's going through this with wedding invitations:

People who RSVP yes won't come, people who RSVP no will show up, people who don't RSVP at all will show up, most of them with a guest you didn't even invite. All you can do is try to get replies and make your plans/purchases based on the information you get, while planning for slightly more than you have confirmation from.
 

Lavern08

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In that case I would prepare for the ones who have responded.

If any of the others show up, just look puzzled when you answer the door and say "oh, we didn't think you were coming, there aren't enough chairs or food".

But I'm kind of mean that way.


Bravo! ;)
 

rhymegirl

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Send out another notification, stating that there will be free booze, but you require an RSVP to know how many handles of Johnny Walker to buy.

The requests will come flooding in.

This I like!
 

backslashbaby

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I usually just wing it, but I hate that so much.

I swear I'd like to be like a club: unremovable bracelets on those who didn't RSVP as they get to the door, so the barperson and servers know not to serve them ;) :D
 

rhymegirl

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Since they are your husband's relatives, make him nudge them. :)

Good idea!

At this point in time, I have 6 definites, not counting my own family.

Four did not respond at all, so I'm figuring they're not coming. Today was the deadline for RSVPing.
 

MaryMumsy

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Inquiring minds want to know. How many actually showed up? And of those, how many were you expecting?

MM
 

rhymegirl

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Inquiring minds want to know. How many actually showed up? And of those, how many were you expecting?

MM

All of the people who responded saying they were coming did come. Six, then 2 called yesterday saying they could come, and did. So 8 people came.

One sent a birthday card, saying they couldn't come.

Four never responded at all and didn't come.