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Chiquita Banana
09-30-2011, 06:58 AM
Hi all.

Okay, I'm about ready to submit, but I've got a baseball metaphor that I need to change. (I'm American, my MC is American, but the publishers are Brits.

In the original, I have my MC talking about how her friend "kept pitching her suggestions" which she "kept batting them out of the park".

Two Brit friends have read this and both were stumped by the metaphor. I'm thinking I could easily change this to tennis (nice and universal) and the first part sounds okay.

The friend kept "lobbing suggestions at her"

but what about the end part. Does my character

"keep whacking them out of the court?"

Doesn't sound right to me... Perhaps I should forget the sports reference as I'm obviously not a sports person. Hm.

Any and all input welcome. :)

wheelwriter
09-30-2011, 07:23 AM
Hi all.

Okay, I'm about ready to submit, but I've got a baseball metaphor that I need to change. (I'm American, my MC is American, but the publishers are Brits.

In the original, I have my MC talking about how her friend "kept pitching her suggestions" which she "kept batting them out of the park".

Two Brit friends have read this and both were stumped by the metaphor. I'm thinking I could easily change this to tennis (nice and universal) and the first part sounds okay.

The friend kept "lobbing suggestions at her"

but what about the end part. Does my character

"keep whacking them out of the court?"

Doesn't sound right to me... Perhaps I should forget the sports reference as I'm obviously not a sports person. Hm.

Any and all input welcome. :)

Mr. Wheel's suggestion: The friend keeps serving ideas and they keep getting slammed back.

Technically speaking, the whole baseball idea didn't work for me (I'm from the U.S.), since hitting something out of the park means it's a home run (a great/winning idea). I think you're trying to say she dismisses the ideas. Or am I misunderstanding?

Chiquita Banana
09-30-2011, 07:27 AM
Mr. Wheel's suggestion: The friend keeps serving ideas and they keep getting slammed back.

Technically speaking, the whole baseball idea didn't work for me (I'm from the U.S.), since hitting something out of the park means it's a home run (a great/winning idea). I think you're trying to say she dismisses the ideas. Or am I misunderstanding?

LOL! Oh lordy, I'm so glad I decided to change this! Yes, I'm trying to say she dismisses the ideas.

Thanks for the serving and slamming suggestion. I'll see how it reads. :)

Anaximander
10-01-2011, 09:54 PM
A cricket metaphor is also possible, going with the phrase "hitting it for six".

Bing Z
10-02-2011, 07:04 AM
In the original, I have my MC talking about how her friend "kept pitching her suggestions" which she "kept batting them out of the park".
The friend kept "lobbing suggestions at her" "keep whacking them out of the court?"

a) I can't think of a tennis equivalent of "pitching something/some points" in the context of "selling something/some points." Note that pitchman is a word recognized by the oxford dictionary (http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/pitchman).

b1) Beating someone because you're more powerful: blow sb out of the court (but note that a more powerful player loses half of the the time. Power is just one factor.)

b2) Beating someone with a humiliating score (like NBA's 4:0 playoff sweep or 120:35 game score): bagel someone, or even double bagel/triple bagel (bagel is used as a verb here, a bagel looks like a zero, thus means wins a set by 6:0. double bagel is a 6-0 6-0 match score; triple bagel is 6-0 6-0 6-0 and can only happen in men's grand slam or Davis Cup (national team event)/Olympics--uber humiliating.) Note this term is a jargon and only known to players/insiders and fans. My English friend who proofreads my stuff always changes my "bagel" to "sweep.":Shrug:

chevbrock
10-02-2011, 09:29 AM
Please note that "hitting it for six" also means that it's really good.

A universal rule for backyard cricket in Aus is the "six and out" rule, meaning, if you hit the ball over the fence, therefore having to dodge cranky neighbour, vicious dog or prickly hedge to retreive the ball, you are automatically out. You may be able to use this metaphor in some way to convey what you mean.

blacbird
10-02-2011, 11:00 AM
My rule of thumb is, whenever you have a metaphor or simile that's giving your trouble, you don't need the metaphor or simile. You're straining to be "writerly", and no reader is going to appreciate that.

caw

Damir
11-07-2011, 08:47 PM
6/,6/0 reads as bycicle as well