Homecoming

Well, we don't officially have "Homecoming" in Australia. But I know what you're talking about - an excuse for all the kids to dance and stuff. We did have that.

But I didn't go. I went to a friend's place and got drunk.

I don't regret not going. I didn't like many people in High School, they didn't like me, I had no date, and I've never been a dancer - I don't like dancing, and I'm not good at it.

But I do regret getting drunk with that friend. I regret everything about him. But that's not really on-topic...

That's about as helpful as I'm going to get.

We don't have Homecoming here in Canada, as far as I know. We do have reunions (depending on the high school) about every 5 years. My sister and I went last time and had a blast. I plan to go next May.

I remember driving through New England with my husband many years ago, and stumbled on Homecoming. As a result, we couldn't get a hotel room for miles around.

I guess Homecoming is like Summer Camp. The kid doesn't want to go, thinks it's lame, but will look back on it as an adult with fondness.

I went to a class dance in Primary School, and I look back on that night with a mixture of pain and embarrassment. Nothing special happened, so it's not like Carrie or anything...

My point is that some people just won't enjoy those events, even as a memory.

Maybe ask the kidlet why he doesn't want to go?

We didn't have a homecoming "dance" in school, but homecoming week was fun. Homecoming queen/princesses and king took their crowns during football game.

I don't think it's all that important. If I wasn't in the band, I wouldn't have gone and I wouldn't have missed squat.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Homecoming for my son is next week. He's a sophomore in high school. He didn't attend last year. My wife wants him to go. She thinks it will be fun and a great memory. My wife thinks this because she didn't go. Her parents didn't make her go and now she regrets having missed it.

I never went either, nor did I participate in anything in high school.

We know he'll have a good time if he goes, but do we force him?

How many here went to their homecomings?

How many here enjoyed it and think it was an important part of your high school experience and socialization?

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I avoided just about everything intended to be party of my "high school experience and socialization", so I'm probably not qualified to answer.

I went to my first homecoming because I had bought into the idea of high school being this amazing wonderful place I would love and cherish my entire life. It turned out to be one of the most mind-numbingly boring nights of my life. Junior year, I went with a big group of friends and had quite a bit of fun, but besides that, I didn't go to any of the other dances and have never once regretted it.

I didn't go to homecoming or prom or any other formal dances in high school because no one asked me and the guys I asked turned me down. It was important to me at the time, but not now. I don't see what the big deal is. If he's not interested, I wouldn't force him to go.

I loved Homecoming. Still do. I go back to my high school some years. I'll be going this year. My itty bitty town already had homecoming and it was a grand time.

I've heard the word 'homecoming' before but I'm not sure what it is. We had a leavers' ball when I left high school (In the UK) That was a lot of fun and I loved it.

LOL, Shadow Ferret. Definitely about you.

Just adding that I never bothered with a reunion (UK), either. Got an invite, but I despised my secondary school years, so ignored it and have been to none since.

So, IMO, it's not something that's essential to school experience; it's a nice extra. You can go and stay an hour or two to see if you like it. If not, leave with a group of friends and go have fun elsewhere.

By the way, do you know why your son doesn't want to go?

As it happens, I sent a "Won't be attending" e-mail to the old teacher organising my 10-year reunion just last week.

I really did not like High School. I can't see any reason to pay good money to spend an evening with people I never liked.

It would also pain me to have to tell the (few) people who did know things about me (back then) that I wound up dropping out of my Physics degree and didn't actually become a scientist like I wanted to, all because I was drinking too much. That would seriously kill me.

I still wish I could've been smart enough to not party so much as soon as I made it to Uni and actually had friends. Maybe I'd have a PhD in theoretical physics by now?

/sad

I went to them all because I had to perform on kick team. Boring.

It was kind of fun to see the folks who'd gone off to college. Kind of Usually some nice girls made part of the Homecoming court, so they were all happy and stuff. That's nice, if exceedingly boring.

The dances were always incredibly boring, too. Prom was very cool, but the regular dances like Homecoming were just bad. The music sucked, for one thing.

Maybe he could ask the girl to a movie or something? I get y'all urging him to be more social, but don't choose what he does, imho.

Shadow_Ferret said:

Probably because....That's my motivation for sending him out.

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Bolding mine.

So..... you don't actually know? Or you asked him and he didn't really respond? And while you have the best intentions for him (and in this case, sounds like you should make him go) maybe there's a deeper reason than the XBox or whatever is presented on the surface?

Gah, I should've been a psychology major. Sorry about the analysis-sounding question.

Anyhow, if he enjoyed school, then going might be a good thing. If he didn't, forcing him to mix with people he didn't like could make things go south.

However, I'm still ambivalent about making a kid go to any event they don't want to (eating healthily, etc., is different). I understand the reasoning, but for stubborn people, I have found it more effective to present the benefits and idea as theirs and let them stew on it for a while.

I also provided a deadline but not as a "deadline" per se. It was more as, "decision should be made by [date] or the opportunity passes by to be followed by some form of regret". People usually come around.

Good luck!

Shadow_Ferret said:

...We know he'll have a good time if he goes, but do we force him?

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You're assuming too much here. Since you can't predict the future, you have no way of knowing for sure whether he'll have a good time.

Also, there's no way in hell you can force him to attend if he doesn't want to, within reason.

I never went to Homecoming, senior prom, or any other dance when I was in high school. It's not that I didn't have any friends; I just didn't see the point.

Not sure if I'll ever go to my X-year high school reunion. For one thing, I had a senior class of some 500 students. For another, I would have no say in who will actually show up. There are a few wonderful teachers I would hope would be able to come, as well as the people I was actually friends with. If I could make a customized high school reunion for myself, I would do so. That might not work because sometimes your friends aren't always friends with each other (it's led to awkward situations for me sometimes). There's always the entertainment of finding out who got which girl knocked up, who married whom, who got rich, who has a strangely awesome job, who got fat, who slimmed down, etc. Especially entertaining would be to see if the popular stuck-up jerks actually succeeded out in the real world. And then there are the underdogs who end up living better and making more money than the jerks (in which case I'll probably cheer for them).

Shadow_Ferret said:

So we caved and he doesn't have to go to Homecoming. Are we bad parents for letting him sit in the basement and play video games with online "friends" instead of making him socialize with real humans?

I guess the fact that he gets a 3.75+ grade point should be some consolation.

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You're a good dad, Ed. And your boy will realize that when he's older.

(Hopefully you'll still be alive by the time he's old enough to appreciate you.)

Shadow_Ferret said:

How many here went to their homecomings?
How many here enjoyed it and think it was an important part of your high school experience and socialization?

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Not I. Never went to a dance or a prom.

I was very shy in high school and my youngest son sounds a lot like your son--very often in his room playing video games. But he's going to college now and he's starting to come out of his shell. He is starting to get involved with some activities and make some friends.

I felt so bad recently because he said that girls don't seem to like him. I think it just takes time for some people. I didn't start dating until I was about 26, a late bloomer. So I told my son not to worry, he has some great qualities and the right girl will appreciate him for who he is.

I didn't push him too much to join things when he was in high school. I had told him he could join any club he wanted to join and I would give him a ride home if necessary, but he didn't want to. There's only so much pushing you can do.

I think he has not matured as quickly as my other 2 kids. But little by little he is starting to change.