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ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 03:32 AM
Now that we've moved and the neverending road trip is over, I think we need to find an answer to that burning question that's been on everybody's minds:

Who would win in a smackdown cage-match?

Dawno
11-24-2005, 03:39 AM
OK, who voted for Orlando, for gosh sakes!:ROFL:

Unique
11-24-2005, 03:43 AM
OK, who voted for Orlando, for gosh sakes!:ROFL:

Not me. What's a smackdown cage?

(yes, i really do live under a rock)

Yeshanu
11-24-2005, 03:44 AM
:D

Just thinking that Sven and the Black Knight would go for each other, forgetting that there was even a third person in the room, and Orlando would watch the fray while combing his hair, and mop up what's left of the winner with his bow.

awatkins
11-24-2005, 03:46 AM
Hmmm....Orlando Bloom. Sven. The Black Knight. Must think on this....

robeiae
11-24-2005, 03:47 AM
Who would win in a smackdown cage-match?
Special Guest Referee: Roger "the Shrubber" Carlson!

Rob :)

Dawno
11-24-2005, 03:49 AM
Poor Roger, hasn't he been through enough with those two? I think we should get Maestro should do it.

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 03:55 AM
I shall not deign to vote for myself, but I am curious about this "smackdown cage-match" of which ChunkyC speaks.

And who is this Bloom fellow? His name sounds weak and girlish to my ears. I shall cleave him in twain with one swing of my Viking Battle Axe.

Black Knight! Show yourself!

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 03:57 AM
I know nought of this "smackdown," nor of a Sir Bloom, but I would surely cleave the one called Sven asunder with but a stroke of my mighty blade. He is but a braggart and fears to stand against me (which isn't surprising since he just a little girly man :wag: ).

The Black Knight

awatkins
11-24-2005, 04:01 AM
Oh, my...the battle birds are getting all riled up!

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 04:02 AM
Black Knight! Show yourself!
Fool! I am here before thou. Have you finished praying to your gods? For your doom has arrived and you will know mead and herrings no longer...

The Black Knight

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 04:03 AM
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smilepopcorn.gif

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 04:05 AM
What is this? Methinks the sparkly witch was here and has vanished into the ether. I warn you Sir Sven, call off the temptress, or she will face my wrath as well...

The Black Knight

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 04:06 AM
I know nought of this "smackdown," nor of a Sir Bloom, but I would surely cleave the one called Sven asunder with but a stroke of my mighty blade. He is but a braggart and fears to stand against me (which isn't surprising since he just a little girly man :wag: ).

The Black Knight

My. My. In all the annals of heroic battle satire the phrase "just a little girly manhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticonwag.gif" will surely go down in history as one of the most lame.

Black Knight, has all that tin you foolishly wear fried your brain?

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 04:06 AM
Sven the Viking strikes.... http://bestsmileys.com/hitting/10.gif

Dawno
11-24-2005, 04:07 AM
What is this? Methinks the sparkly witch was here and has vanished into the ether. I warn you Sir Sven, call off the temptress, or she will face my wrath as well...

The Black Knight

My apologies. I keep telling Sven to use his own computer. Sometimes he can be pretty thick.

Sarita
11-24-2005, 04:08 AM
Oooo..... this could get good...

(CC, where the heck did you find that fish hitting emo?)

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 04:08 AM
My. My. In all the annals of heroic battle satire the phrase "just a little girly manhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/emoticonwag.gif" will surely go down in history as one of the most lame.

Black Knight, has all that tin you foolishly wear fried your brain?

Sir Sven, you speak the words of the witch. I now know she controls you through her arcane necromancy. But 'tis no skin off my codpiece; I shall slay you both, but shortly.

The Black Knight

awatkins
11-24-2005, 04:11 AM
Are we allowed to say codpiece?

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 04:13 AM
Are we allowed to say codpiece?
I thought it was a herring.

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 04:14 AM
Are we allowed to say codpiece?
Hush, woman. 'Tis a matter of honour for the men. There will be time enough for maidens' work anon.

The Black Knight

biotales
11-24-2005, 04:16 AM
Hush, woman. 'Tis a matter of honour for the men. There will be time enough for maidens' work anon.

The Black Knight

Sexist

awatkins
11-24-2005, 04:18 AM
I never realized The Black Knight was so sensitive!

How much longer 'til anon?

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 04:23 AM
Sexist
I am no Saxon! Careful, or you shall feel my fury, as well.

The Black Knight

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 04:26 AM
I am no Saxon!
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/Emoterofl5.gif

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 04:35 AM
So far, http://bestsmileys.com/oneofakind/9.gif seems to be ahead in the voting....

astonwest
11-24-2005, 04:39 AM
Get this party started soon, or I'm going to have to come in and light you both up with my trusty blaster...

...this was a no-DQ cage match, right?

astonwest
11-24-2005, 04:41 AM
By the way, I'd probably throw myself on my sword if I was losing to Bloom...
if I actually had one...

awatkins
11-24-2005, 04:43 AM
*ouch*

reph
11-24-2005, 04:55 AM
I always buy cage-free smackdowns anyway. They taste better.

Puddle Jumper
11-24-2005, 05:02 AM
Who are those first two?

poetinahat
11-24-2005, 05:09 AM
How much longer 'til anon?
Yea, for 'tis now a quarter to anon
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
And when Knight and Viking spar, the Bloom will soon be gone
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay

-- Minstrel-in-a-hat

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 05:18 AM
Who are those first two?
Just a couple of friends who followed us home one day.

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 05:28 AM
Yes, Sven has taken a commanding lead ... let's look at the replay of that last move....

http://bestsmileys.com/animals/7.gif

Alphabet
11-24-2005, 05:32 AM
Don't know any of 'em, but I'm sure they'd all say come help me fix up this (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=400117#post400117) in th SYF forum.

tiny
11-24-2005, 05:34 AM
Remember, no eye poking, no hair pulling, no biting or spitting, no small joint manipulation. Blood does not end a round. Entrants in the cage must be wearing UFC aproved wear. Sven, feel comfortable in those sprawl shorts? Shoot with your head in, not out or you may end up in a guilletine.

-chris, I love the fights, woo hoo, I wanna see some blood, break his arm, make him cry...

biotales
11-24-2005, 05:40 AM
I am no Saxon! Careful, or you shall feel my fury, as well.

The Black Knight
oh yeaaaaaaaaaa
take this...

awatkins
11-24-2005, 05:40 AM
Yes, Sven has taken a commanding lead ... let's look at the replay of that last move....



Man, that had to hurt. :roll:

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 06:10 AM
*yawn* Has the black sardine in his teeny tin can finished with his schoolboy chants, yet?

Dawno
11-24-2005, 06:11 AM
I always buy cage-free smackdowns anyway. They taste better.

Yes, the organically raised, free range, hormone free, cage free smackdowns are best. They're just so *pricy*!

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 06:26 AM
By the way, I'd probably throw myself on my sword if I was losing to Bloom...
if I actually had one...

I would gladly allow you to impale yourself upon my Battle Axe if you so desperately need to meet your Valkyrie this night.

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 06:57 AM
Observe, horned fish-monger...

*The Black Knight draws his blade and quickly goes through a serious of attacks and defenses, cleverly switching hands several times during the exhibition. He then spins his sword high into the air and catches it buy the blade with his palms. Following that, he balances the sword one two fingers at the point where hilt meets blade, tosses it up and, in one smooth motion catches it by the hilt in a reverse grip and slices down, skillfully giving ChunkyC a pedicure of his left foot that ends at the kneecap*

Oops.

The Black Knight

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 07:01 AM
There you go again. Now we'll have to find those gypsy women from the forest and buy the herbs we need for the re-attachment spell. Remember how long our other battle was interrupted because you carved that poor jester in half? Don't wander off this time.

Which way is the World's Largest Teepee - I think the gypsy wagon was parked outside of it last time I saw them.

astonwest
11-24-2005, 07:05 AM
Yes, Sven has taken a commanding lead ... let's look at the replay of that last move....
I think I might have hurt myself laughing so hard...

Battle axes are messy...nothing beats a good disintegrator cannon for ease of cleanup...

Dawno
11-24-2005, 07:13 AM
Aston, you *do* realize you're talking to a Viking and a medieval knight, right? I'm not sure they would understand either disintegrator OR cannon...

louisgodwin
11-24-2005, 07:32 AM
Wasn't gonna vote for Orlando, but hell, at least he knows how to kill Orcs. These 2 guys are just standin' around B.S.-ing.

C'mon, guys. Someone swing an axe! I wanna see someone's skull get splintered!

robeiae
11-24-2005, 07:38 AM
I don't think Orlando could beat a wet noodle. Gimme Russell Crowe any day...(at least he looks like a man who's killed somebody)

Rob :)

poetinahat
11-24-2005, 07:42 AM
Orlando the Bloom can ne'er beat a noodle
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
He's gravemeat - yon Viking and Knight be so brutal!
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay

-- Minstrel-in-a-hat

PattiTheWicked
11-24-2005, 07:42 AM
:::brewing up a cauldron of Skele-Gro:::

astonwest
11-24-2005, 07:47 AM
Aston, you *do* realize you're talking to a Viking and a medieval knight, right? I'm not sure they would understand either disintegrator OR cannon...
Well, at least one of them would understand, soon after the other discovered it firsthand...
;)
But for a preview of things to come (quoted from the original):

She wasn’t dead with the impact of the shot, as the energy continued to dissipate through her body, decomposing her amongst agonizing screams until there was nothing but a pile of burnt organic remains on the floor.
Always fun for parties, too...

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 09:44 AM
Orlando the Bloom can ne'er beat a noodle
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
He's gravemeat - yon Viking and Knight be so brutal!
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay

-- Minstrel-in-a-hat


::psst, Knight. Sally forth in truce...let us slay the flowery blonde with the bow and arrows and then tie the minstrel to a tree and practice our archery on him::

tiny
11-24-2005, 09:47 AM
Don't you dare touch Poet.

The Black Knight
11-24-2005, 09:48 AM
::psst, Knight. Sally forth in truce...let us slay the flowery blonde with the bow and arrows and then tie the minstrel to a tree and practice our archery on him::
::There is lttle room here for proper swordplay, anyway. Let us slay all these fools, then go wenching::

The Black Knight

poetinahat
11-24-2005, 09:55 AM
::psst, Knight. Sally forth in truce...let us slay the flowery blonde with the bow and arrows and then tie the minstrel to a tree and practice our archery on him::
Yon Viking, he wishes to bind me quite tightly
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
Yet his wench, she already does that for me nightly
Tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay!
:thankyou:
I thank thee all, and bid thee good morrow...
Thou hast, each and all, comprised a bonny and sanguine audience!
Prithee, forget not to tip thy tavern-maids
And remember; if thou dost tipple, take not the reins!

-- Minstrel-in-a-hat

Sven_the_Viking
11-24-2005, 09:56 AM
::There is lttle room here for proper swordplay, anyway. Let us slay all these fools, then go wenching::

The Black Knight

::now *THAT* gets my vote. Know a good mead bar?::


Happy Thanksgiving everyone. May the food fill you and the wine cheer you.

And may the Vikings win their match against the Browns this Sunday.

mkcbunny
11-24-2005, 11:25 AM
Has anyone else noticed that poet is losing his mind?

Unique
11-24-2005, 04:52 PM
Has anyone else noticed that poet is losing his mind?

children will do that to you - he'll get it back, oh, about 2023.

who's winning?

astonwest
11-24-2005, 06:20 PM
Has anyone else noticed that poet is losing his mind?
That would insinuate he had it to start with...

ChunkyC
11-24-2005, 08:13 PM
skillfully giving ChunkyC a pedicure of his left foot that ends at the kneecap*
I've had worse.

scfirenice
11-24-2005, 08:26 PM
I don't know about a cage match, but Orlando could win my underwear in 1.3 seconds flat.

robeiae
11-24-2005, 11:11 PM
I don't know about a cage match, but Orlando could win my underwear in 1.3 seconds flat.
Would he have to cut it off, or would it just surrender without a fight?

Rob :)

arrowqueen
11-25-2005, 02:08 AM
I was thinking more along the lines of spontaneous combustion.

awatkins
11-25-2005, 04:19 AM
:ROFL:

poetinahat
11-25-2005, 04:34 AM
That would insinuate he had it to start with...
Ay, marry, 'tis true, for I protest not to be aught but a simple fool, with neither the might and muscle of these two dread foes, nor any loin-explosive charm such as your O.B. - one can, oh, be so coveted!

Wha- wait- Stand BACK, knaves! Whither comest thou with yon straight-jacket???? FIE upon ye! Desist! Zounds, for I am lost. HEEEELLlppp....

*exit, bundled into ox-cart*

Dawno
11-25-2005, 07:24 AM
Dangit Poet, you forgot 'divers alarums' in that post! It was perfect otherwise
;)

The Black Knight
11-25-2005, 08:04 AM
Right, methinks this fodponging has run its course.

*The Black Knight draws his sword and procedes to calmy slice up the AWers lying around laughing uncontrollably. Soon, there is a sizable mound of body parts and unopened Tootsie Pops on the ground.*

Now where can I find this Blooming flower boy. His time is at an end, though it does pain me to dispatch one so effeminate...

The Black Knight

Dawno
11-25-2005, 10:48 AM
If it wasn't Sven's turn in our game of Clue I'm sure he'd post. We have to convince him that guessing Loki with an Axe in Asgard isn't in the game. He doesn't really get the point of it all...

Sven_the_Viking
11-25-2005, 12:18 PM
If the sparkly-eared wench had not locked my axe up in her metal wagon I would have ended that "game" much sooner. Who kills people in kitchens with wrenches anyway - there is no glory in such skulking. And, at dinner, I was not even allowed to drink mead or eat herrings, yet I was abjured to be thankful. They call me a barbarian?

Black Knight - do not take all the cherry Tootsie Pops for yourself, you scoundrel!

awatkins
11-25-2005, 11:58 PM
Sven, I apologize for the uh, splotches on your helmet. The parrots, I mean battle birds, didn't mean to, really they didn't. It's just that they were caught up in the moment, you know, what with all the talk about pedicures and codpieces and swordplay and all. Here, let me help you wipe that off.

Ooops...sorry, didn't realize it would smear like that....

*whistling innocently* By the by, Orlando won the poll! How did that happen??

arrowqueen
11-26-2005, 04:52 AM
He sneaked off with the prize, whilst this pair were still arguing.

tiny
11-26-2005, 04:59 AM
... battle birds...


:roll:

poetinahat
11-26-2005, 03:34 PM
*The Black Knight draws his sword and procedes to calmy slice up the AWers lying around laughing uncontrollably. Soon, there is a sizable mound of body parts and unopened Tootsie Pops on the ground.*
[aside]Ye Gods, what horrors I hear from beyond my cell window! Saved, unwittingly, and by these stout, but unread, bailiffs! Now, all I need do is wait, wait....

Maryn
11-26-2005, 08:33 PM
{I'm just loving this whole thread!}

Maryn, who gave her son a sword for his last birthday

awatkins
11-27-2005, 12:24 AM
Maryn, maybe he would like to join us! Why don't you invite him over? The more swords, the merrier, I always say. :D

Sven_the_Viking
11-27-2005, 12:40 AM
{I'm just loving this whole thread!}

Maryn, who gave her son a sword for his last birthday

Ah, I remember when I was just a wee Viking and received my first battle axe from my mother. Although she did get a bit upset at me when I shortened one of the legs of our dining table that day.

You are a good woman, Maryn.

The Black Knight
11-27-2005, 05:03 AM
I recieved my first sword when I was a squire. My master asked me to hold his whilst he relieved himself. I slew him as he buttoned up his codpiece.

The Black Knight

The Black Knight
12-01-2005, 03:47 AM
T'would seem I have yet again vanquished all of my foes...

I am invincible!

The Black Knight

poetinahat
12-01-2005, 03:53 AM
Victory is complete, but solitary.

(a weak, wavering, but insistent voice can almost be heard amid the din:

tralilly... tra-lee... tra-lay...)

Elincoln
12-01-2005, 04:34 AM
That's It?!?!

Oh Geeze, that was the shortest, lamest fight I've ever seen.

I'm pulling out my Katana from the closet and showing these bulky beef targets what a fight is really about.

(Runs to the dungeon. In the mood to do some damage.)

Yeshanu
12-01-2005, 06:31 AM
T'would seem I have yet again vanquished all of my foes...

I am invincible!

The Black Knight

Um, my vote counter says that Orlando Bloom won...

Tee hee hee!

ChunkyC
12-01-2005, 11:29 PM
Um, my vote counter says that Orlando Bloom won...

Tee hee hee!

And with nary a hanging chad in sight....

The Black Knight
12-01-2005, 11:34 PM
Um, my vote counter says that Orlando Bloom won...
The womanly warrior may have won the vote, but I have won the war...have you not noticed? 'Tis the skin of his manhood that adorns my hilt.

The Black Knight

poetinahat
12-03-2005, 03:22 PM
The womanly warrior may have won the vote, but I have won the war...have you not noticed? 'Tis the skin of his manhood that adorns my hilt.

The Black Knight
[a dazed, bedraggled, wild-eyed stranger lurches forth]
*ahem*

Yon Black Knight, he hangs from his scabbard a foreskin
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
And vict'ry, saith he, it doth prove beyond doubt
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
"These votes give no winner; 'tis naught but true wars can!"
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
But marry, who knows what he talketh about?
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay!

Ye yeomen and damsels awaited a battle
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
Yon Viking and Knight, they hath strutted and brayed
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
But bloodshed? 'Twas none, 'twixt the bombast and prattle
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
Sirrah, whence this piece? A cadaver's been flayed?
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay!

Ye puppets! Seek not our applause for thy bravery
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
'Tis shadows at play on a lake have we seen
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
To claim any conquest needs must be but knavery
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay
The war's more convincing at Stalag 13!
tralilly, tra-lee, tra-lay!

-- Yea, verily, 'tis I returned... Minstrel-in-a-hat

http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gifhttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gifhttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gifhttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gifhttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gifhttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gifhttp://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/party/party0044.gif
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