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View Full Version : Looking for Beta on 90K YA Paranormal/Dystopian



MadSquirrel
09-12-2011, 10:39 PM
Hello all! I'm done with the first round of edits mostly on my YA Paranormal/Urban Fantasy/Dystopian/Afterlife mash up MS. Yeah, it's a bit of a mouthful, but I'm hoping that a beta reader or critique partner or SOMEONE can help me out and tell me what exactly I have on my hands. Yeah, I'm quite clueless when it comes to this part, but my goal is to actually work up the nerve to query this one.

If you want to read the first three chapters or the entire MS or any amount, that would be great, but I just need any and all help I can get. Here is a short synopsis.
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Lexy Schroeder never expected to be hit by a truck. Sadly, her untimely death is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the mess she has gotten herself into.

When you supposedly save a future saint and secure the safety of humanity for another hundred years, life after death is bound to be interesting. Even without that, the bureaucratic nightmare that is Eternity is a living Hell. From winged people calling themselves Guardians to former drunken kings masquerading as unassuming office workers, Lexy has a lot to learn. However, becoming the latest target of a rebel movement bent on uncovering Eternity’s lies has just thrown her another roadblock on the road to glory and power. If she can’t have the Ivy League and a perfect SAT score, she can at least have fame and a hero’s life.

For her assigned case worker, a handsome, powerful Guardian named Mattakael, Lexy’s arrival heralds something all too scary and familiar. For thousands of years, he has witnessed wars, chaos, and turmoil brewing beneath the perfect veneer of the city Lexy now inhabits. He knows firsthand what so-called lies can do, especially when unsuspecting seventeen year olds are caught in the crossfire.

War is brewing. God has made it clear that Eternity will never fall. Long exiled from Eternity, Lucifer has been plotting his return for twenty thousand years and Lexy’s arrival has just sent the rebels over the edge. When the perfect surface of everything begins to crumble, only one side will remain, and Lexy and Mattakael are caught in the middle. Secrets and lies are unraveling, but how strong is the power of love to conquer true evil?

M. Scott
09-12-2011, 11:30 PM
That depends on the length of the chapters, if I get hooked, or if there are some general habits that indicate another draft needs to be done. We all have that happen ;)

PM me and shoot over the first 30 pages or so once we've exchanged e-mail addresses.

MadSquirrel
09-13-2011, 09:22 PM
I got some great feedback from M. Scott but would love to have more eyes on it and more opinions!

UnorthodoxDream
09-15-2011, 07:57 AM
I'm always up for a challenge - feel free to PM me. It sounds terribly intriguing. :D

Wholehearted
09-25-2011, 04:17 AM
I'd definitely be interested in reading and critiquing the first three chapters. If you're still looking for fresh eyes, PM me!

MadSquirrel
10-10-2011, 06:24 PM
I'm back and looking for an experienced beta reader who knows how to make heads and tails of pacing in particular. If you would be interested in helping me cut through some issues I'm having with my manuscript, please let me know! I could use your help.