View Full Version : Writing Dreams and Dellusions

09-05-2011, 05:23 PM
Here are some favs. Feel free to add.

10) I'm the next Hemingway...well, I'm more wordy than that and I tend to use ellipses...but I'm writing the next great American novel.

9) I'm going to be richer than J.K.Rowling and Stephanie Meyer put together.

8) It will be easy to find an agent. So easy, the agent will seek me out rather than the other way around.

7) Edits? What edits? The editor will understand my prose is an intentional choice of style and not the result of sloppy writing mistakes of craft.

6) Oprah will love my book. She'll restart her book of the month club just for me.

5) The book tour will be financed by the publisher and include my whole family on one of those very cool million dollar Canadian buses. The kids will love seeing the country. We'll eat well. It will garner a lot of great press and buzz.

4) The New York Times will love my book. They will say nice things about me, my books, my style and my dog if I had a dog, because they love the book.

3) My book will be a movie and it will be nominated for best adapted screen play and I will go to the Academy awards ceremony and get my picture taken with Oprah, George Clooney and any other stars that stop me and say, "Can you autograph my book? I love it and have read it over and over again." I will have writer's cramp by the end of the evening because I've signed my name so much. I will start signing books with initials to deal with the pain but be true to the fans.

2) A prestigious university, (its English department weeping with joy), will offer me a position teaching writing and a course just on my book alone, which I will accept. They will also give me an honorary Ph.D. because of the book.

1) It should only take about a month or two to write.

and a final fantasy, I won't misspell anything ever again. Delusions! Sheesh!

09-05-2011, 05:26 PM
Number one isn't a delusion.

09-05-2011, 06:24 PM
I'd love to answer this, but I have to get this semester's syllabus to my TA staff, there's a Times reporter in the reception room, and Oprah's on hold....

09-05-2011, 08:24 PM
11) I'm so awesome I don't have to put that much work into this book. I'll write it out in maybe a week and be done. No revisions. It'll be ready for publication. Buzz will build and those people will be contacting me.


Cliff Face
09-06-2011, 02:13 AM
12) When my book is turned into a movie, I'll be asked to star in it, and then have a whirlwind romance with the lead female character, even though I can't act and suck at talking to women.

09-06-2011, 10:39 AM
I make enough money from writing that I can retire from the day job...

They make a film of my first book, and the female lead actually looks the way I imagine her, and not like an underweight, glossed-up 20 year old model with false boobs and no scars who wouldn't ever lift a sword in case she broke a nail...

Actually, 'they make a film of my first book' will do for a start!

09-06-2011, 02:27 PM
The world will tremble at the might of my genius. When I hit the bestseller lists, US law will be changed to allow me, a complete foreigner who has never been to America, to be elected el presidente father of the US for life. I will change the political structure of the world to be like the one in my book - an ideal utopia where everyone has free speech so long as you don't say anything i don't like. Finally, I will lead the world into a glorious golden age of space flight and colonisation and there will be statues of me on Mars and my face on the stamps.

09-06-2011, 03:44 PM
Every single person who reads my book will be gobsmacked by my genius. Even the Twilight fans!

09-06-2011, 07:05 PM
I see I've been aiming much too low.