Why Did Your Work Get Rejected? (joke)

Mine was rejected because the Illuminati control the publishing industry along with the Freemasons, and they're afraid I'll become too powerful if they publish my work. In hindsight, perhaps including "...in accordance with the prophecy, I look forward to your timely acceptance" in the query may have been...unwise.

Mine got rejected because they checked my Permanent Record and found that I stayed after school in 4th grade for spitting on another kid.

Damn that Permanent Record!

Mine should never have been rejected. I sent everything paste/copy in the guts of the email. I wired flowers to the agent at her office. I only called their office four times trying to chat with the agent. The toy gun I sent with a hard copy of the MS, (required sign. required.) must not have impressed her at all. I was just trying to cover all the bases. I bet I needed to do more to draw attention to myself. With the next agent I plan on bigger things.

I knew I should have gone with the sparkly vampires instead of sparkly unicorn stationary.

Restraining orders.

Rejection is such an ugly word.

Stolen, now there's a word.

that's right. my opus about a code written by DaVinci (he was a painter long, long ago - he lived in Greece) was stolen. and then the one i wroteabout a bear born in a railway stn, then another one about a boy who is really a magician and likes to pot up plants.
Oh the irony, the irony of it all, i tells ye!!!

Mine's in witness protection.

Can't find it, can't reject it.

Jelus looser did not understand my genius!

I don't photograph well, I have no criminal past, I am not a barely-literate celebrity nor am I a corrupt politician.

I'm too proud to submit my work. I'm waiting for an agent to come to me and ask for it.

Mine was rejected probably because it was just a picture of my cat with a funny quote under it.

In hindsight, a 75,000 word quote on a single image might not have been long enough for most markets...

In retrospect maybe signing in my own blood was a mistake.

I'm sure it was because I'm Black. Doctor Who is so popular, they could make so much money off my fanfic.

Hired a ghostwriter who sent spam with the subject "I RIGHT REAL GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

No agent will understand why every word of my 427,862.5 word manuscript is wholly necessary. Not a single word can be cut or the entire novel is ruined.

My story has too much conflict.

The world is not ready for my story yet. Just wait untill I die and my children have it published and it becomes famous-- that'll teach them!

It seems perfectly obvious to me that the publisher was all kinds of mad jelly about my l33t writing skillz. Yo.

I typed it in crayon.