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Ultimate Cheapskate
08-13-2011, 05:22 PM
The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Sarah Madara
08-13-2011, 05:53 PM
:roll:

I am definitely citing Frisbeetarianism as my religion from now on.

stormie
08-13-2011, 06:46 PM
:ROFL:
You should have said "Coffee alert!" Now I have to wipe down my keyboard. I'm printing the list out. Too funny!

leahzero
08-13-2011, 08:13 PM
This is hilarious...but I'm not sure the WaPo is actually involved at all:

http://washingtonpostsmensainvitational.com/