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View Full Version : How NOT to get an agent #4632.b



BenPanced
08-12-2011, 04:09 AM
http://news.yahoo.com/police-explode-briefcase-left-literary-agent-202131604.html


A writer desperate to get a movie script read suffered the ultimate rejection Thursday when police blew up a briefcase he said contained the screenplay after an agent refused to read it, police said.

jclarkdawe
08-12-2011, 04:37 AM
Dear Most Wonderful and Kind Agent:

Yesterday my preferred agent got a little bit peeved with me, and blew up my briefcase. I'd continue to try to get him to represent me, but the Judge said I couldn't. So as a second choice, I'm leaving this package for my wonderful novel, TWELVE HUNDRED THIRTY-SEVEN WAYS A SQUIRREL CAN DESTROY A QUERY IN FIVE HUNDRED SEVENTY-ONE LESSONS (WITH ILLUSTRATIONS). Complete at 12,569 pages, I'm sure you'll decide that you should be the agent to represent my brilliant tome on querying.

A quick read, I'm waiting for your acceptance of me for representation. As soon as I receive your call, I will send the code to stop the ticking in the other half of this package. Otherwise, I'd suggest that next Friday you might want to quit work early.

Neurotically yours,

Adolf H. Squirrel

HuntfortheWildborn
08-12-2011, 04:44 AM
lol, poor guy. Too bad if it really was blockbuster material.

Mharvey
08-12-2011, 04:44 AM
Dear Most Wonderful and Kind Agent:

Yesterday my preferred agent got a little bit peeved with me, and blew up my briefcase. I'd continue to try to get him to represent me, but the Judge said I couldn't. So as a second choice, I'm leaving this package for my wonderful novel, TWELVE HUNDRED THIRTY-SEVEN WAYS A SQUIRREL CAN DESTROY A QUERY IN FIVE HUNDRED SEVENTY-ONE LESSONS (WITH ILLUSTRATIONS). Complete at 12,569 pages, I'm sure you'll decide that you should be the agent to represent my brilliant tome on querying.

A quick read, I'm waiting for your acceptance of me for representation. As soon as I receive your call, I will send the code to stop the ticking in the other half of this package. Otherwise, I'd suggest that next Friday you might want to quit work early.

Neurotically yours,

Adolf H. Squirrel

Perfect, Jim. May I steal this for my novel?

Christine N.
08-12-2011, 05:07 AM
I heard a guy threatened to jump off of Rockefeller center yesterday, because he was upset his novel wasn't going to be published.

No, really.

Mharvey
08-12-2011, 05:20 AM
I heard a guy threatened to jump off of Rockefeller center yesterday, because he was upset his novel wasn't going to be published.

No, really.

Yeah that was me...

Curtis Brown, how could you???

AlishaS
08-12-2011, 07:12 AM
Wow. Crazy people do crazy things I guess.

shaldna
08-12-2011, 04:17 PM
eeep.

Phaeal
08-12-2011, 04:21 PM
And that rejection cost the LA taxpayers how much?

jclarkdawe
08-12-2011, 05:03 PM
And that rejection cost the LA taxpayers how much?

But the sight of the writer's face as the only copy of his brilliant manuscript goes up in smoke? Priceless.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

Calla Lily
08-12-2011, 05:08 PM
He only had one copy? :e2thud:

Stijn Hommes
08-12-2011, 05:08 PM
How could this writer possibly send them his only manuscript? Surely he's got a backup?

The police clearly overreacted by blowing it up before doing some proper investigating, but the writer deserves it. He did everything wrong when it comes to sending a query.

jclarkdawe
08-12-2011, 05:28 PM
News reports don't indicate. Just seems so likely, however, and the line goes so well there.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

shaldna
08-12-2011, 06:23 PM
How could this writer possibly send them his only manuscript? Surely he's got a backup?

The police clearly overreacted by blowing it up before doing some proper investigating, but the writer deserves it. He did everything wrong when it comes to sending a query.

Dunno what's it's like in LA, but in Ireland the police routinely carry out controlled explosions on suspicious packages - these have, in the past, included school bags, rubbish and several legit bombs as well.

Wayne K
08-12-2011, 06:45 PM
Coolest R ever

Wayne K
08-12-2011, 06:48 PM
Is it an AW member?

AlwaysJuly
08-12-2011, 11:35 PM
I think it said in the article he left the briefcase with a computer in it -- in which case, it might not be his only copy, he also might be writing by hand from now on!

DeadlyAccurate
08-12-2011, 11:58 PM
Dunno what's it's like in LA, but in Ireland the police routinely carry out controlled explosions on suspicious packages - these have, in the past, included school bags, rubbish and several legit bombs as well.

I think that's standard here in the US, too.

DreamWeaver
08-13-2011, 07:11 AM
When I got out of the military and went back to university, it took years for me to get used to students leaving their backpacks sitting around unchaperoned. I learned not to call campus security, but I still detoured around those backpacks at the most respectful distance I could manage. :D

Kenra Daniels
08-20-2011, 05:11 AM
When I got out of the military and went back to university, it took years for me to get used to students leaving their backpacks sitting around unchaperoned. I learned not to call campus security, but I still detoured around those backpacks at the most respectful distance I could manage. :D

I had the same issue, though I was just an Army wife, and it was pre-9/11. All those security briefings at the beginnings of deployments made me paranoid. Didn't help that I worked at the post Child Development Center, so we were even more security conscious. Fifteen years later and unattended bookbags and briefcases still give me chills.

skylark
08-20-2011, 01:00 PM
Aren't people worried they'll be stolen? If I saw an unattended bookbag or briefcase, my reaction would be to take it to the nearest manned place (shop or whatever).

DreamWeaver
08-20-2011, 07:55 PM
Part of my paranoia comes from having seen Rutger Hauer in "Nighthawks". That first bombing at the department store...

Filigree
08-20-2011, 10:14 PM
From a security and social engineering standpoint, I have to add that anyone leaving packages and luggage unattended deserves to lose them.
You can't cure stupid, and you shouldn't have to babysit it.

dawinsor
08-20-2011, 10:51 PM
I'm from Detroit originally. In an Iowa coffee shop one morning, I sat across from a table with a laptop on it and no owner in sight for probably 20 minutes. I was afraid to go in the ladies room for fear the owner had been stabbed to death in there.

The only thing a Detroiter leaves outside at night is the grass. It would never occur to me to leave a backpack or anything else sitting around.

JenniferShepherd
09-10-2011, 12:15 AM
I dunno, call me jaded, but I personally feel that some agents need a little more fear to bring their egos in check. :)

But that's because I fired so many and went into self-publishing, earning way more than they were able to line up for me as an author.

bonneville quad
09-10-2011, 12:31 AM
and eating kale is like walking in a national forest with your eyes closed and your mouth open.
--bonneville quad