Does this blurb work?

I've had an ebook out for about a month and I'm not happy with the product description on Amazon. That is, it's been (deservedly) pummeled.

Following is my latest attempt to get it right. (with thanks to Peggy and Cate and Lisa, who are not responsible for what I've done with their ideas)

I'd deeply appreciate any feedback.

BLURB:
Forensic geologists Cassie Oldfield and Walter Shaws embark on their riskiest assignment yet—finding hijacked radioactive material that is hotter than the desert in August.

The terrorist who stole the lethal toxins intends to release them in America’s most fragile national park, Death Valley. But he is furious to learn that he’s left a trail in minerals that the two geologists can follow. He vows to stop them.

Cassie and Walter make their own stubborn vow: their life’s work is of the earth and they won’t let this perp contaminate it. But as the hunt turns dangerous, they are sorely tested. They traverse scorching desert and contend with human malice and, most unsettling, try to protect themselves from a danger that can be neither seen nor smelled nor touched.

They begin to believe, as a radworker warns them, that the unstable atom is governed by Murphy’s Law: whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

And it does

Hal, thanks!

You have a tough editor's eye, which is precisely what I need. I'll do another pass, working with your suggestions.

And no, this is the first in the series but I see your point.

Hal, I take your comments as smart and thoughtful.

Feels as though I've written this blurb six hundred different ways. And, uh, here are 601 and 602:

601:
Death Valley earns its name when a terrorist begins to unleash radioactive toxins that are hotter than the desert in August.

The only ones who can find and stop him are forensic geologists Cassie Oldfield and Walter Shaws. They are outraged at this crime against America’s most fragile national park, and shaken when the terrorist makes his threat personal. They’ll need grit along with their field tools to survive this hunt.

They soon learn that they are up against more than pure malice. The unstable atom—in the hands of an unstable human—is governed by Murphy’s Law: whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

And it does.


602:

Forensic geologists Cassie Oldfield and Walter Shaws embark on an unexpected and perilous hunt—tracking a terrorist who is threatening to release radioactive material in America’s most fragile national park, Death Valley.

Armed with nothing but grit and their field skills, Cassie and Walter find themselves up against pure human malice and the risk of contamination. Their mission is to prevent this disaster but they soon learn that the unstable atom—in the hands of an unstable man—is governed by Murphy’s Law. Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

And it does.