Close friendship...

As a teenager, I often had friends that were either younger or older than me by a few years. I'm told it was pretty uncommon, but I don't see why you can't work with it. So long as you write the friendship in a realistic fashion, I'm sure it will be believable.

Yeah, it's plausible, depending on maturity.

When I was sixteen, we often had little brothers and sisters of friends in our social group. 12/13/14 years old. They were accepted into our group, but a lot of people saw them as "pets" - in a nice way, if you get me. This was normally because they acted their age and therefore quite cute.

However, some of them were very mature, and did act nearer sixteen. These had no problems fitting in.

maggi90w1 said:

... between a 17 year old boy and a 14 year old boy. Do you think that's plausible?
Opinions?

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I'm wondering. I know girls will accept younger kids into their social groups - there's a kind of mothering thing that kicks in. With boys - I think unless they were at fairly similar maturity stages, it might be trickier. If your twins were young for their age, or if there was some compelling aspect to the friendship (I'm thinking gaming or something), you could make it work. Or if they were fairly isolated kids.

From what I've seen though, you'd need to address it. It's not impossible, but I think you'd need to address it ...

mccardey said:

I'm wondering. I know girls will accept younger kids into their social groups - there's a kind of mothering thing that kicks in. With boys - I think unless they were at fairly similar maturity stages, it might be trickier.

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True, but at seventeen, it's mostly mixed sex social groups. My social group was mixed sex at sixteen, and the guys were very protective over the younger boys.

So, I don't know. I think there is the whole, protective masculine paternal thing that kicks in as well. Although, girls tend to accept both younger girls and boys, whereas guys tend to focus on the younger boys and avoid the younger girls.

Sure it's plausible and possible. Particularly if the boys are neighbor and have a long history. If he boys are in a more rural area and live nearby, you've got another possibility. Maturity and life-experience is also important in friendship, as are shared interests. If both boys are interested in a unique sport or hobby, that would be another reason they're best friends.

Becca_H said:

True, but at seventeen, it's mostly mixed sex social groups. My social group was mixed sex at sixteen, and the guys were very protective over the younger boys.

So, I don't know. I think there is the whole, protective masculine paternal thing that kicks in as well. Although, girls tend to accept both younger girls and boys, whereas guys tend to focus on the younger boys and avoid the younger girls.

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That's true - I was assuming it was just boys. If it's a mixed group, yes, that would change the dynamic.

maggi90w1 said:

... between a 17 year old boy and a 14 year old boy. Do you think that's plausible?
I'm assembling a cast for a new YA Project (Urban Fantasy). My MC and his best friend are both 14.
At the beginning of the story they meet 17 year old twin boys. Is it plausible that they are close friends by the end of the book? I'm afraid that the relationship is always going to have a different dynamic, a different "feel" compared to a friendship between characters of the same age.

Opinions?

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my son often had friends that were a few years older, when he was a young teen.
In his case, this turned out not to be a good thing (they influenced him badly), but I'm sure that is not the case in every friendship.
In some cases, the older friends might be a good influence.
More often not, though, I think... which is why parents almost universally try to discourage their young teens from hanging out with older teens and young adults.
It is common, though; I especially see it in cases where the younger child has an older sibling... they will begin tagging along with the older sibling and his friends, and pretty soon they are accepted into the older group.

maggi90w1 said:

... between a 17 year old boy and a 14 year old boy. Do you think that's plausible?
I'm assembling a cast for a new YA Project (Urban Fantasy). My MC and his best friend are both 14. At the beginning of the story they meet 17 year old twin boys. Is it plausible that they are close friends by the end of the book? I'm afraid that the relationship is always going to have a different dynamic, a different "feel" compared to a friendship between characters of the same age.

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Definitely possible. Others have already mentioned good scenarios where this is more likely to happen: circumstances where they're the only boys around so they've grown up together (perhaps rural), they're related, they share common interests. Also you could consider that maybe the older one either has developmental issues or is something of a loner. Maybe he doesn't make friends easily so boys his age shun him a bit, but a younger person looks up to him because of his age and/or if the older person is a little less mature, it makes them fit together better, where a same age peer would reject him.

As to what you "fear" yes, I think that relationship would have a very different feel than a relationship between same age characters, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's still plausible, it's just an opportunity to show how it would be different. If you showed that, it would make your story even more interesting to me, although I admit if you tried to write all the boys the same regardless of a 3 year difference (which, if you spend any time interacting with teens, you know is striking between 14/17--the first is a freshman in high school, the latter a senior), it would pull me out of the story. So do it, for sure, but embrace it and explore it all the way.

Yes, I've been on both sides of that equation. When I was 13, I joined a group like the scouts, or ROTC. I was befriended by older members - partly it was 'required' - but also we got to be really close. Closer than I was with my actual brothers who were the same age.

By the time I was 17, I too was friends with younger members - 14, 15 years old. I think the key is to have a plausible reason for them to be 'together'. As other's have said - a rural situation where there just aren't that many guys to hang out with. Some sort of club/team/school organization that is going to put them together anyway - and let the friendships develop.

I think - based on growing up in a neighborhood of nearly all boys - it's quite feasible for them to be friends, but the dynamic, as others have mentioned, is a bit different. The older boys would be more 'big brother friends', even if the younger boys were more mature. With kids the same age, a 'natural' leader would emerge, also. With this age difference, they most likely would not accept a younger leader, although the older one would probably listen to that boy's ideas/suggestions/opinions more than the others'.

maggi90w1 said:

Well, they are all members of a special, very small subculture which is on the brink of destruction. I was hoping that this might be enough to tie them together initially.

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Sure, that would be a perfectly good reason. I also agree with what the previous person said, to watch how they're placed in the group. A fourteen-year-old really wouldn't be the leader when there are seventeen-year-olds around. Even just to see boys that age physically together, it's striking how much a senior in high school looks like a full man and a freshman, like a young boy. These would be your exact ages. The younger boys would probably idolize the older ones a bit, look to them like big brothers rather than true peers. Once they were all older (20/23), the difference would be less striking and they would become more of actual peers, but at this age, the difference would be noticeable.

maggi90w1 said:

Well, they are all members of a special, very small subculture which is on the brink of destruction. I was hoping that this might be enough to tie them together initially.

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Then to me it make perfect sense, no explanation needed. It makes sound psychological sense and also sense from a developmental perspective.

Absolutely, unequivocally yes, especially under your circumstances. I was three years ahead in school and mature for my age. I also did a lot of theater. Until adulthood, my closest friends were older teens and adults from the theater. I also lied about my age at school, and developed close relationships of equals with people in my grade.

When I was 23, one of my very best friends in the world was a 13 year old boy (I'm female btw). We met at an occult shop (so already a limited-peer group specialized interest), and were on the same Rocky Horror cast. He was what they call an old soul, but he was struggling with finding his place in the world as a gay teen in a conservative culture. He gave me sage advice, and I helped him learn to accept himself as an outsider. It was definitely a different dynamic than if we had been the same age, but no less close or trusting. Of course, society being what it is, I also became friends with his family and went out of my way to avoid appearances of impropriety. We're still close today, with him in his 20s and me in my 30s.

So yes to a different dynamic, but not necessarily as "different" as you might think. In every peer group, there is a leader, there are more and less mature members, and there is more or less closeness between individuals. I think our society as a whole puts way too much focus on age, as far as what people should be doing at any given age, but that's a whole other rant.

maggi90w1 said:

Well, they are all members of a special, very small subculture which is on the brink of destruction. I was hoping that this might be enough to tie them together initially.

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In that case, definitely yes - that would work very well. Good luck with it!

That's a great point. Younger children and young adults will typically look up to, and in cases of siblings, tag along, and would have a much better chance of being integrated to the group. For better or worse.