I'm currently struggling with one of those things that happens only in fiction, or so I thought. My dear friend, she has been like a sister to me for years really, and I had a talk about life as it seems like we will be roommates while attending uni. Somehow we came to the point in the discussion that we started to talk about how we would deal with living with each other and spend basically 24/7 on top of one another and we came to the conclusion that we wont hate each other, but love one another is as more than friends is a very real prospect. After this talk that has been on my mind constantly. I'm openly (or more like I don't hide but if you don't bother asking i don't bother telling) Bi since I knew the term for what I am. So the girl part don't bother me, I was never one for labels. Stella means insane amounts to me, and what we have today is so fundamentally a part of me that I don't know what to do without her. We have been with each other through good and hellish and to most this would be a logical step I suppose. Me I'm terrified of losing her and what we are now. The more time I spend on thinking about it I feel like I'm stuck in a soap opera or bad romance novel. I'm an emotional wreck, she knows where I stand, and I suppose not having an unknown evil twin hiding among the curtains is a good thing. Advice is most welcome, I figure if nothing else I can turn my life into a screenplay for a telemundo show. what are your thoughts?
Reality coming to close to fiction?
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Most likely, she's probably just as worried as you are about screwing up a romantic relationship and losing a long-time friendship. While I don't really have an answer for you, I'll give you my personal experience:
I had a best friend that turned into a relationship, which turned into a HORRIBLE, messy break-up. We didn't speak for like, a year.
Yet, as soon as we did start speaking again, we went right back to being best friends. There was a little bit of awkwardness, but we talked about it, got each others' perspective on what happened, and now simply know that we are meant to be friends, and not something more.
Good luck, I hope things work out well for you =]
I had a best friend that turned into a relationship, which turned into a HORRIBLE, messy break-up. We didn't speak for like, a year.
Yet, as soon as we did start speaking again, we went right back to being best friends. There was a little bit of awkwardness, but we talked about it, got each others' perspective on what happened, and now simply know that we are meant to be friends, and not something more.
Good luck, I hope things work out well for you =]
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In bold are the things that make me really like you.
I'm curious though, would Stella describe herself as bisexual as well?
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Relationships require a degree of risk in order to build momentum. I think your shared concerns are a sign that you're approaching your future together in a very mature way.
I feel optimistic for you.
Personal caveat: Don't think of real life as fiction, or you risk subconsciously fabricating conflict to fit the mold.
I feel optimistic for you.
Personal caveat: Don't think of real life as fiction, or you risk subconsciously fabricating conflict to fit the mold.
I suppose some of the questions are:
1) Has there ever been any spark of chemistry? Being attracted to women =/= being attracted to all women.
2) Have conversations ever gone in a direction that lead you to think that romance *might* be an option? (i.e. some are just more "charged" than others, you know?)
If both aren't true, you probably are just in for an awesome roommate. I know more than a few lesbian and/or bisexual women who live with other women with their orientation who never hook up and never have the slightest desire to. It happens.
Assuming that there is the potential for a relationship based on the above, I say go for it. What's the worst that happens? It doesn't work out (most relationships don't, I suspect) and you get on each other's nerves for a while or find a way to move out.
I'll throw in, too, that generally the reason a friendship is ruined by a relationship is not the sex itself, but rather that one or both parties show a side of themselves during the relationship that had not been previously apparent. (i.e. you learn that she cheats on significant others when you catch her in bed with someone else, etc.) Amicable break ups are possible, particularly between people who like and respect each other where it "just wasn't working out". So even by pursuing a relationship, you're not necessarily dooming the friendship.
I'd look at the moving in question more as whether you want to live with her. It's not just about stuff like, "is she hot" or "do we get along" but also stuff like "can we split chores amicably?" "Do we have similar theories on what 'tidy' means?" "Can we tolerate each other's sleep schedules/noise levels?" etc.
1) Has there ever been any spark of chemistry? Being attracted to women =/= being attracted to all women.
2) Have conversations ever gone in a direction that lead you to think that romance *might* be an option? (i.e. some are just more "charged" than others, you know?)
If both aren't true, you probably are just in for an awesome roommate. I know more than a few lesbian and/or bisexual women who live with other women with their orientation who never hook up and never have the slightest desire to. It happens.
Assuming that there is the potential for a relationship based on the above, I say go for it. What's the worst that happens? It doesn't work out (most relationships don't, I suspect) and you get on each other's nerves for a while or find a way to move out.
I'll throw in, too, that generally the reason a friendship is ruined by a relationship is not the sex itself, but rather that one or both parties show a side of themselves during the relationship that had not been previously apparent. (i.e. you learn that she cheats on significant others when you catch her in bed with someone else, etc.) Amicable break ups are possible, particularly between people who like and respect each other where it "just wasn't working out". So even by pursuing a relationship, you're not necessarily dooming the friendship.
I'd look at the moving in question more as whether you want to live with her. It's not just about stuff like, "is she hot" or "do we get along" but also stuff like "can we split chores amicably?" "Do we have similar theories on what 'tidy' means?" "Can we tolerate each other's sleep schedules/noise levels?" etc.
Honey, it's one of those things where nobody can really input or decide, other than you two. However, I will counter the negative personal experience above with my positive one:
When I was nineteen, my best friend and I were inseparable. Never apart. If we were, we'd either be on the phone or chatting online. She was a straight girl, and I was also a straight girl with a little more movement on the straight (basically, I never really thought about my sexuality). One day, we had a conversation, about who the hell we were to each other. We were so close that we were scared - terrified, even - of the other one pairing off with a guy.
After much discussion, tears, worry, terror (you name it, we felt it) we decided we had actually sleepwalked into a relationship six months prior and hadn't realised. We decided we were partners, and not just best friends.
Four years later, we're still together, looking to settle down, and thinking about children. She's my soulmate and I'm hers.
So, it can happen. It's not bad romance or a screenplay. It's not fiction. It might be a daunting thing to bring up, things could go wrong, but if you're close, then you should try talking about it. As much as it might scare the hell out of you, it's considerable possibility. From what you say here, you sound like bisexual versions of us.
Good luck
When I was nineteen, my best friend and I were inseparable. Never apart. If we were, we'd either be on the phone or chatting online. She was a straight girl, and I was also a straight girl with a little more movement on the straight (basically, I never really thought about my sexuality). One day, we had a conversation, about who the hell we were to each other. We were so close that we were scared - terrified, even - of the other one pairing off with a guy.
After much discussion, tears, worry, terror (you name it, we felt it) we decided we had actually sleepwalked into a relationship six months prior and hadn't realised. We decided we were partners, and not just best friends.
Four years later, we're still together, looking to settle down, and thinking about children. She's my soulmate and I'm hers.
So, it can happen. It's not bad romance or a screenplay. It's not fiction. It might be a daunting thing to bring up, things could go wrong, but if you're close, then you should try talking about it. As much as it might scare the hell out of you, it's considerable possibility. From what you say here, you sound like bisexual versions of us.
Good luck
we got enough drama in our lives without me making anymore, but you have a fair point, and I will keep it in mind
The answer to those questions is yes, the attraction is definitely there even if i have a hard time wrapping my head around it sometimes, and we have had that type of conversations more than once,where things just about click, real life have tossed us into the arms of others tho.
the trails of living together, yes well we have debated it back and forth and we have lived at each others homes on occasions so we both know the others quirks so to speak.
I also agree that it isn't the sex itself that destroys the friendship, there is almost always other things in play.
This I know is true and at the same time we both have been through hell and back together so it seems silly to be worried about it. Yet the very prospect is terrifying
Honey, it's one of those things where nobody can really input or decide, other than you two. However, I will counter the negative personal experience above with my positive one:
When I was nineteen, my best friend and I were inseparable. Never apart. If we were, we'd either be on the phone or chatting online. She was a straight girl, and I was also a straight girl with a little more movement on the straight (basically, I never really thought about my sexuality). One day, we had a conversation, about who the hell we were to each other. We were so close that we were scared - terrified, even - of the other one pairing off with a guy.
After much discussion, tears, worry, terror (you name it, we felt it) we decided we had actually sleepwalked into a relationship six months prior and hadn't realised. We decided we were partners, and not just best friends.
Four years later, we're still together, looking to settle down, and thinking about children. She's my soulmate and I'm hers.
So, it can happen. It's not bad romance or a screenplay. It's not fiction. It might be a daunting thing to bring up, things could go wrong, but if you're close, then you should try talking about it. As much as it might scare the hell out of you, it's considerable possibility. From what you say here, you sound like bisexual versions of us.
Good luck
I know that it is up to us in the end, but talking about it helps me straighten out myself you know? She and I have talked about it and we both think it is important to know what we want as well as the other, at this point I'm terrified of losing her, while I have seen her with other people and yes i can admit to a certain amount of jealousy just like she have over my dates, it is different. I'm not sure this makes any sense on the outside of my brain. I'm really glad reading your story, it is things like that, that makes it worth the risks. Thank you
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