View Full Version : Poetry.com honors me as Editor's Choice. Yippie.

11-08-2005, 10:38 AM
I am forcing myself not to comment much on what I include here -- yet. I want to give you all a chance to have at it...

Most of us know how infamous vanity presses like poetry.com are. Well, I just laughed so hard I had a tear in my eye. Please note that when I submitted this little jewel so worthy of praise, I didn't bother giving it a title.

This is the little note that is supposed to look like somebody printed it on the letter and passed it on to the editor:

"Howard, Ronda's verse is wonderfully expressive -- I suggest you also select it for 'The Sound of Poetry.'
--C. S."

Here is part of the letter I received:

"November 1, 2005
Dear Ronda,
I am delighted to tell you that your poem " " has been awarded our prestigious Editor's Choice Award because it displays a unique perspective and original creativity -- judged to be the qualities msot found in exceptional poetry. Congratulations on your achievement.

Your poem is also featured in a Deluxe Hardbound Edition, which, as expected, will soon be sold out. We have, however, reserved a limited number of copies that are now available only to poets included in this distinctive volume. ..."

It goes on to tell me how to obtain a book and recommends a plaque.

The bottom half of the letter is a certificate "suitable for framing" for outstanding achievement in poetry.

My poem has also been selected for another "honor." Please note that the capitalization of the word "editor" in the following passage is not mine, but theirs:

"Note from Howard Ely

Dear Ronda,
Every so often, as our Editors review the poems that have been presented our Editor's Choice Award, they personally select a few poems they believe would have a wonderful expressive quality if read by a professional reader. Your Editor has suggested that you become one of 33 poets whose artistry will be recorded professionally as a special part of a new CD poetry collection..."

It then goes on to ask for my permission.

Now, you may ask, what literary gem with value beyond measure deserves to be thus immortalized?

My untitled poem reads as follows:

This poem is trash
I know it is
It smells so awful
it makes me sneeze
It looks so bad
it makes me wheeze

But I figure
What the hay
I'll just submit it

Oh, truly I have achieved greatness - now will someone help me remove my tongue from my cheek?

I know there's someone who runs a contest for poems that were submitted to vanity presses. Can anyone point me in that direction?

I hope this gave you a laugh.

11-08-2005, 11:18 AM
That's unbelievable.

The sad things is that clueless poets actaully fall for this crap. I think I became a semi-finalist for the ILP when I was like, 12. Upon the second letter, I recognized it as a scam on my own. Oi, the vexation.

11-08-2005, 03:00 PM
:Clap: :roll:

The spoof contest (with very real prizes) is the Bulwer-lytton contest.

11-08-2005, 03:05 PM
It's a sad state of affairs when a company can operate legally when they will honor a grocery list as poetry. They are morally corrupt. I can't laugh.

11-08-2005, 04:40 PM
KTC, May I?

It is a sad state of affairs

when a company
can operate legally

when they will honor a grocery list
as poetry.

They are morally corrupt.
I can't laugh.

Perhaps you should send it in?

11-08-2005, 04:48 PM
Awesome, as usual, Alphabet!

11-08-2005, 04:54 PM
www.winningwriters.com/contestflomp.htm (http://www.winningwriters.com/contestflomp.htm)

The WergleFlomp Contest

I think that I shall never see
A poem a bad as penned by thee

But if perchance you do amend
To this contest you should send

That lovely gem of twisted words
Then you can join the thundering herds

The ones who seek to win the prize
By exposing as frauds those blackened lies.

Good Luck

11-08-2005, 05:52 PM
I enter the spoof poetry contest (Wergle Flomp) every year. And lose. So, does that mean I'm a good poet??!!

Kidding aside, with Wergle Flomp you have to submit a bad poem to any poetry vanity contest (I submit to poetry.com), then submit it to Wergle Flomp. When I go back to the poetry.com site and google my name, it's not there. I think they're on to me....

11-09-2005, 09:09 AM
I entered the Wergle Flomp contest - thanks for the link.
I think I'll drop a note to poetry.com and let them know.

11-09-2005, 10:52 AM
Have any of you read "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" perchance?

If so, recall the Vorgon's poetry with which they tortured Ford and Arthur?

Someone should obtain permission and send that in. Just for kicks.