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View Full Version : I supect the end of the world will originate with me.



Anninyn
07-14-2011, 08:56 PM
Given that this vicious summer cold feels bad enough to be a plague causing the end days.

And what a plague it'll be. Summer cold zombies shuffling around in their pajamas, snuffling through their blocked up noses, moaning slightly. 'vitamin c' they'll howl. 'please, vitamin c!'

The world stocks of vitamin c and multivitamins will be depleted. People will stop going to work. CHAOS WILL REIGN IN THE STREETS.

And the fact that this snotty end of days originates with me, Mrs 'let me teach you how to survive the apocalypse' will be the ultimate in ironies.

I apologise for the bleak future I didn't plan to create. If you feel any pity for me- any at all- please send me some new pajamas and some lemsip.

Seaclusion
07-14-2011, 09:29 PM
I don't know what lemsip is, but if you are the source of this scourge, there'll be no pyjamas for you.



Richard

Anninyn
07-14-2011, 09:50 PM
lemsip is a hot flavoured drink containing paracetamol and decongestants. It is a popular cold and flu remedy. It is usually flavoured with 'lemon'.

I didn't cause the apocalypse deliberately. I had a few late nights that lowered my immune system and pciked up the lurgy from somewhere and bam: it mutates in me to cause worldwide chaos.

I'm sorry, alright!

Seaclusion
07-14-2011, 09:54 PM
lemsip is a hot flavoured drink containing paracetamol and decongestants. It is a popular cold and flu remedy. It is usually flavoured with 'lemon'.

I didn't cause the apocalypse deliberately. I had a few late nights that lowered my immune system and pciked up the lurgy from somewhere and bam: it mutates in me to cause worldwide chaos.

I'm sorry, alright!


Well, you're forgiven, but still no pyjamas. You'll just have to go around in knickers.


Richard

J.W.
07-14-2011, 09:54 PM
Hope you get well soon. I really, really mean that. I like being alive.

Anninyn
07-14-2011, 10:16 PM
*horribly infectious hacking cough*

So far I've quarantined myself inside the house. However, my husband enters into the real world on by behalf. His immune system is strong enough to withstand the Plague, but I suspect he's a carrier.

My glands are up and my hair hurts. If your hair starts hurting, I'm sorry.

Fortunately, I have a onesie, so instead of having to walk around in my knickers, I'm walking around dressed like a zombified six year old. If you could call my stumbling from room to room 'walking'.

This is how I forsee the next few days:
1: I will become increasingly unwell as Jos unwittingly spreads the infection throughout the city.

2: The infection turns me into something no longer human- dare I say- more than human?

3: as the infection spreads further, the first of the infection 'turn'. They become my slaves.

4: Half the country is mine

5: Half the world.

6: My husband is forced to kill me for the good of what remains of humanity. He drinks himself to death.

7: Downer ending.

I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do at this stage.

Seaclusion
07-14-2011, 10:28 PM
*horribly infectious hacking cough*

This is how I forsee the next few days:
1: I will become increasingly unwell as Jos unwittingly spreads the infection throughout the city. The perfect biolgical weapon delivery system. Have you been near any Iraqi scientists lately?

2: The infection turns me into something no longer human- dare I say- more than human? For the sake of mankind, this has to be an improvement in the species. You are the beginning of a new age.

3: as the infection spreads further, the first of the infection 'turn'. They become my slaves. Make them get rid of the undesireables, whatever that may be.

4: Half the country is mine As long as the other half is mine, I don't mind.

5: Half the world. Same as above.

6: My husband is forced to kill me for the good of what remains of humanity. He drinks himself to death. A margaurita a day will keep the zombies away.

7: Downer ending. Not if we get rid of all the lawyers.

I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can do at this stage.

Richard

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 12:00 AM
My husband said a bath would make you feel better (what he actually said was 'Jeeze woman, you haven't washed for three days, you don't get to pull that shit, even if you are sick. have a bath, or I'll put you outside and turn the hose on you' but he meant the other thing).

It didn;t make me feel better. It made me feel hot and wobbly. And now my hairs wet, and the unkillable virus is in the water supply.

Well done, Jos. Well done. You've doomed us all.

thepicpic
07-15-2011, 12:52 AM
I always got the sneaking suspicion that zombies would roam free on my watch.

I hope you recover... but if not, what stance would you and your minions take regarding the currently uninfected?

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 01:00 AM
Here's the thing: As a post-apocalyptic surival guru, the as yet unchanged me say put plans into motions and put down everyone you hear sneezing. (please note, I am not responsible for prison sentences resulting from this advice)

However, the growing part of me that is an unhuman monster says stay in your homes. Eat too much, and if necessary, soak in the tub in a delicious sauce.

thepicpic
07-15-2011, 01:06 AM
Both arguments are convincing. Certainly, if I have to be evicted from life I want to have had a pizza beforehand...
So I take it your inhuman side would not accept a non-violence agreement from a gamer willing to put aside his feud with the not-entirely-deceased?

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 01:17 AM
Both arguments are convincing. Certainly, if I have to be evicted from life I want to have had a pizza beforehand...
So I take it your inhuman side would not accept a non-violence agreement from a gamer willing to put aside his feud with the not-entirely-deceased?

It might, but you'd have to befriend humans and bring them to us.

thepicpic
07-15-2011, 01:31 AM
As tempting as it seems, I suspect it might decide to bite the hand that feeds at any moment. As bleak as my survival chances appear, I think I'll stick with my current plans to go down swinging.

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 01:46 AM
What aspects of humanity remain in my heart salutes your brave choice.

The rest says don;t swing too much, the meat will get stringy.

(On a Actual Illness note I just started crying because I hurt everywhere and the bath made me feel worse. And I can;t sleep, cause when I try I cough. God this is miserable)

mirandashell
07-15-2011, 01:50 AM
On a serious note, how long have you had this lurgy?

bettielee
07-15-2011, 01:53 AM
*stocks up on board and nails to board up apt*

*buys more eggs*

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 02:00 AM
On a serious note, how long have you had this lurgy?
Hmmm- sore throat started sunday night, couldn't speak monday, could speak tuesday but felt rough as anything, felt terrible yesterday, feel worse today. Hope it'll pass by next week. I won't worry till it's more than a week.

I'm bitching, but unless it gets as bad as the three illnesses I've been genuinely worried for my permanent health for, I won't stress about it.

Oh bettielee. No eggs! Don't buy eggs! Eggs rot and the smell attracts predators. Also, don't forget to give yourself an easy-access escape route if you board yourself in.

thepicpic
07-15-2011, 02:03 AM
The concept of a world without fried eggs is truly terrifying.
Puts not surviving the initial wave into perspective, though.

mirandashell
07-15-2011, 02:06 AM
Ah, you're still in the 'I want to die now' stage.

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 02:19 AM
Absolutely! Today or tomorrow'll be the worst and then I'll get better, I'm sure of it.

Back to doom predictions.

Doooom. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

bettielee
07-15-2011, 02:36 AM
Oh bettielee. No eggs! Don't buy eggs! Eggs rot and the smell attracts predators. Also, don't forget to give yourself an easy-access escape route if you board yourself in.

*tosses eggs out the window*

*starts to chew thru drywall into the next apt*

Komnena
07-15-2011, 04:00 AM
I hope you feel better soon, Anninyn. Meanwhile I will prepare for the zombie onslaught.

Brindle MacWuff
07-15-2011, 02:40 PM
Drink is the answer. (as in most cases) When my magnificent fur is felled by the lurgy, my solution is this.

hot water
3 measures dark rum
2 measures honey
2 sachets of blackburrant cold remedy (boots do one)

Stir it then neck it. Then go to bed with Radio 4. Repeat as required.

You could do it with whisky. I may like whisky, but whisky doesn't like me. It doesn't give me a hangover, more like near-fatal poisoning. Dark rum on the other hand (OVD is the best) is purely medicinal.

If you're hungry, I suggest cold vodka or gin (from the freezer), poured over lemon sorbet.

Gotta love the Scottish Health Service!

seun
07-15-2011, 02:58 PM
My husband said a bath would make you feel better (what he actually said was 'Jeeze woman, you haven't washed for three days, you don't get to pull that shit, even if you are sick. have a bath, or I'll put you outside and turn the hose on you' but he meant the other thing).


My wife has the same horrible lurgee. And funnily enough, I said the same thing to her yesterday.

Anninyn
07-15-2011, 03:38 PM
My mum phpned me.
"You still ill?"
"Yuuurrrgh."
"Hmmm. Maybe it's flu. Does your hair hurt? Your hair always hurts when it's flu."
"My hair does hurt, mum, but I don't think it's flu."
"What do you think it is, then?"
"Zombification"

She tutted and hung up.

So. Flu, Vicious Cold, or Zombification?

Seun, I don't blame him (or you) for saying it. I just resent taking a bath and washing my hair only to feel worse.

thepicpic
07-15-2011, 08:51 PM
It might be all of the above? I see no reason why zombification should go round by itself- I'd imagine multiple infections would be harder to fight off.

aadams73
07-16-2011, 04:24 AM
This thread makes me want a onesie.

For when I get zombified, of course.

(PS: Feel better soon!)

seun
07-16-2011, 02:14 PM
This thread makes me want a onesie.


*Pictures Alex in a onesie. Laughs.*

aadams73
07-16-2011, 07:03 PM
*Pictures Alex in a onesie. Laughs.*

Yes, yes, laugh now. Because you'll be screaming for help when the zombies come, sneezing in their onesies.

Anninyn
07-16-2011, 07:07 PM
Onesies are awesome, and all of you should have one.

Mine is cow print. It has a little hood with some horns on it.

In other news my appetite is back, and it seems to prefer Tuna to Human Flesh, so depsite the fact I still feel so amazingly bad I can't describe it, I may need to call off the apocalypse. It's alright; we can reschedule.

GailD
07-16-2011, 08:36 PM
Hi there, patient zero.

You've passed the 'oh lord, I think I'm going to die' stage, the 'oh shit, I'm not going to die' stage and now you've reached the 'onsies are awesome' stage. You've definitely turned the corner! Now it's just a case of commandeering the mopping-up operation (and hacking up the odd hairball).

The apocalypse is on hold? Damn! I have this really nice,lacey little number which would be just perfect for... oh never mind.


Seriously, though, I hope you feel heaps better soon.

Anninyn
07-16-2011, 10:37 PM
I was well enough to go peer into the window of a house we're considering buying- it's abandoned and 'in need of work' but really, really cheap, so we'll probably go for it.

But now I'm tired.

Who knows, this might be the bit where I become an acid spitting zombie queen, I just don't know! but it feels unlikely now.

I think I might rescedule the disease apocalypse for 2018. I feel like 2018 will be boring, so I might as well spread plague acorss the globe.

seun
07-17-2011, 01:55 PM
Yes, yes, laugh now. Because you'll be screaming for help when the zombies come, sneezing in their onesies.

I will be hiding in my shed when the zombies come. Let's see them break through a slightly rotten wooden door.



In other news my appetite is back, and it seems to prefer Tuna to Human Flesh, so depsite the fact I still feel so amazingly bad I can't describe it, I may need to call off the apocalypse. It's alright; we can reschedule.

September is good for me if that fits your plans.

night-flyer
07-17-2011, 02:11 PM
A hold on the apocalypse?? This will never do, I just loaded up on my ammo. By 2018, I'll be too old to hold up my shotgun...:(

*wonders if Oreo supply will hold out that long*

Cliff Face
07-17-2011, 02:11 PM
I might be able to get on board with the zombie apocalypse... If the zombies would give me a paying job, at least.

I'm not averse to leading mere mortals to their deaths. Or writing. I'm sure even zombies need to relax with a good book once in a while.

First book title: "Uuunnnggghhhhhrrrrr......"

The sequel, of course, will be titled: "I say, Marcel, this avocado is de- Arghhh! Zombies!!"

Naturally.