06-23-2011, 02:14 AM
Hey Guys,

Recently I was asked for an author biography, and it gave me an idea for a blog post (http://stevewhibley.blogspot.com/2011/06/sumo-wrestlers-fishnet-unitards-and.html), but I thought I'd bring my idea here too, since you guys are so sharp witted.

I propose that we see who can write the best fake author bio. (feel free to post your bio on my blog if you'd like ;) )

Mine from my blog post:

McSweedy Von Flanagan the Third is the author several brilliant literary masterpieces, the most notable of which being, The End Is Near! A story distributed in spoken word by this team of homeless doomsday prophets. An amateur archaeologist, and self proclaimed aficionado of everything really old, Von Flanagan has etched his newest book, I’m Not Crazy, You Are, into clay tablets using only Sumerian hieroglyphs and the letter Q. Asked about his unorthodox approach to publishing, Von Flanagan said, “I’m a genius. If people want to read my books they should have to translate them. They’ll appreciate them more.”

06-23-2011, 02:48 AM
I like the one in the Rob Grant novel, Incompetence. Given what the novel is about, the book itself is designed around that concept. Several chapters are misnumbered and out of sequence (there is a prologue after chapter 3, for example) and the classic 'mistake' is that Rob Grant's biography has been replaced with Mark Twain's.

There is a biography I used once (never got published) which credited me with various things that were not true but which I had been accused of by others - curing cancer being one, being John Travolta's love child and a member of the mafia another.

Yes, I did use the things my students made up about me to write my biography... apart from the cancer thing, that was a friend who did that.

06-23-2011, 05:34 AM
Dean Koontz always had great stories for his pen names. Right up your alley. ;)

06-23-2011, 04:40 PM
I felt inspired...

Inmate 42573, after many years as a family counselor, decided to dabble, successfully, in the literary world. She is the author of several best sellers, such as How I Snuffed Out My Annoying Neighbor and Getting Rid of My Mother-in-Law: A Success Story. Recently divorced, she has been enjoying time with her new companion Inmate 97362, while working on her memoir My Life as a Bitch.

06-23-2011, 04:50 PM
My favourite is the one that's used in some of Robert Rankin's books:

Magus to the Hermetic Order of the Golden Sprout, 12th Dan Master of Dimac, poet, adventurer, swordsman and concert pianist; big game hunter, Best Dressed Man of 1933; mountaineer, lone yachtsman, Shakespearian actor and topless go-go dancer; Robert Rankin's hobbies include passive smoking, communicating with the dead and lying about his achievements. He lives in Sussex with his wife and family.

06-23-2011, 04:59 PM
Munchkin Potatosack stumbled into writing accidentally after overhearing a colleague mention that they "wanted to take the literary world by storm". Her installations of simultaneously-activating reservoir-sourced water sprinklers, fog machines and lightning generators at every literary conference and publishing convention in the US brought her to the attention of her now-agent, who sued her for mental distress and electricity burns. Potatosack's epic, You Could Have Been Clearer About That paved the way for her runaway bestseller, I Can Get You In.

06-23-2011, 06:07 PM
My avatar submits the following:

Gaius Baltar is the brilliant and actually quite astonishingly attractive author of such incendiary yet humorous tomes as Gaius Baltar: My Triumphs, My Mistakes. Because, yes, Mr. Baltar can admit that he has made mistakes, although these have never been his fault but rather the result of machinations by his deeply envious detractors. Besides, they were God's will.

He is currently working on his first novel, Lady (Sort Of) in a Tight Red Dress with Strategic Cutouts.

06-23-2011, 08:28 PM
David Quick is the author of several memoirs from his various lives, a collection of Dora The Explorer fanfiction novels, as well as the forthcoming circus-themed bukake erotica"Hot Load" series, which he insists is "sure to be my seminal work". He has won numerous awards, including several not created and awarded by his mother, and many of his works have skyrocketed to triple-digit sales. He lives in the town of Madison, Wisconsin when not living elsewhere, and enjoys long walks on the beach and dismembering kittens.

06-23-2011, 11:20 PM
Ima Writar writes all of her books in crayon. She's a child at heart, although some say she is actually a child. Some of her masterpieces include See Sally Sell Seashells and Seaweed By The Seashore, My Dog Dougie, and I've Got Gummybears Stuck to My Braces Again. If you want to write her a fan letter, make sure you use very small words.

06-23-2011, 11:47 PM
What was it Richard Bachman died of? Oh, here it is (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Bachman#Identification).

I ought to write a publishable novel before I write my own bio, fictional or not...