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profen4
06-01-2011, 05:58 PM
I have two kids in my story. Both kids are computer geniuses, but I want one of them to mock the others knowledge in a way that only someone who knows a lot about computers would be offended at or even see it as a mock.

For example.

You couldn't tell a bit from a bite. (worst example ever, but you get the idea, right?)

Or, You wouldn't know what to do with a _____ if it was cabled to PC in command mode.

Or any similarly structured insult.

Anne Lyle
06-01-2011, 06:14 PM
How old are your computer geniuses, and what kind of computers do they use (and what for)? If you don't know at least that much, it's going to be hard to give you a decent bit of jargon - and for you to write them convincingly :)

profen4
06-01-2011, 06:22 PM
They're sixteen. They are not good kids. They use their skills to hack, steal, and perform other such nefarious acts. They can build, and program computers. Assume they have top of the line hand-held devices (or that they've improvised top of the line devices to be better). And have an MIT level of knowledge (Or similar such institution abroad.)

Cheers

Phil_Hall
06-01-2011, 06:36 PM
"You couldn't grep your way out of a paper bag."

("grep" is a program to search input and dump the output to any defined output device...like the screen.)

"luser!"

(a painfully annoying, stupid, or irritating computer user.)

"Is your brain stuck in NOP?"

(NOP is "no operation", a binary/assembly command to "do nothing and wait for a cycle.")

Hope those help...

skylark
06-01-2011, 07:35 PM
I like (and have heard used ) the one about grepping your way out of a paper bag.

One thing you will need to be aware of is that programmers who think university level knowledge makes them experts are themselves a joke/insult. Most young "computer geniuses" are a complete disaster anywhere near actual code.

Chase
06-01-2011, 07:39 PM
"You couldn't grep your way out of a paper bag."

("grep" is a program to search input and dump the output to any defined output device...like the screen.)

"luser!"

(a painfully annoying, stupid, or irritating computer user.)

"Is your brain stuck in NOP?"

(NOP is "no operation", a binary/assembly command to "do nothing and wait for a cycle.")


I'm not the original poster, but I'm saving this. Thanks so much from a luser who couldn't grep his way out of NOP with both hands.

Phil_Hall
06-01-2011, 07:48 PM
I aim to please. :)

Bigglesworth
06-01-2011, 08:50 PM
A problem you'r going to have is that any references to current hardware and software are going to date horribly; I'd also venture that using colloquial insults may be scorned by readers who know other (and in their eyes) better insults.

I'd say go for a reference to something old and/or esoteric, though because your kids are only 16 it would need to be important enough to be remembered or worth knowing about.

"Do you even know how Braben and Bell fit a universe into 32K (http://www.iancgbell.clara.net/elite/archive/b5081501.htm)?" (refers to the ingenuity of the programmers of a seminal home computer game)

"You probably think the AY-3-8912 sounded better than the SID chip." (refers to holy war between two 80s 8-bit machines (http://www.c64vsspectrum.com/))

Anne Lyle
06-01-2011, 09:34 PM
"You couldn't grep your way out of a paper bag."

I love that one - and in answer to Bigglesworth's comment, I reckon it's generic enough to not date quickly. Unix has been around for a long, long time, and "grep" as a function has made its way into programming languages (e.g. Perl). Plus it's geeky enough to make people like me smile :)

BunnyMaz
06-01-2011, 11:58 PM
From someone who knows computers, but not that much...

I do know that if you want to convince a hacker you're an idiot, tell them you hack, and then refer to the LOIC* as your method of choice.

*LOIC. The Low Orbit Ion Cannon. Commonly used by 4channers and similar in DDOS attacks. Hideously insecure.

kuwisdelu
06-02-2011, 12:36 AM
Go read some xkcd (http://xkcd.com/).

"You're the kind of person who uses a mouse in emacs."

"You're the kind of person who uses emacs instead of vim."

"You're the kind of person who still uses 'goto's"

"Ouch."


You couldn't tell a bit from a bite. (worst example ever, but you get the idea, right?)

Change bite to byte and it's halfway decent.


One thing you will need to be aware of is that programmers who think university level knowledge makes them experts are themselves a joke/insult. Most young "computer geniuses" are a complete disaster anywhere near actual code.

I'd assume it would probably depend on how much of their knowledge was from reading and observing and how much was from practicing and experimenting and comparing against good code.


*LOIC. The Low Orbit Ion Cannon. Commonly used by 4channers and similar in DDOS attacks. Hideously insecure.

Also so hideously easy to use I wouldn't even expect it to be the first example in a My First Black Hat book.

Anne Lyle
06-02-2011, 01:26 AM
"You can't tell your big-endian from your little-endian."

We can come up with these all day, you know ;)

Bigglesworth
06-02-2011, 02:00 AM
"You can't tell your big-endian from your little-endian."
Hehe, nice - but then, I'm a programmer =)

Which leads me to suggest perhaps not going too far down the road to programmer humour: it may be apt for your characters, but may not be all that amusing for most of your readers...

Eg: "You're the kind of person who allocates memory in a constructor!"

Ho ho!

/tumbleweed

Dungle
06-02-2011, 02:12 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYmISLMQwk4

Anne Lyle
06-02-2011, 10:14 AM
Which leads me to suggest perhaps not going too far down the road to programmer humour: it may be apt for your characters, but may not be all that amusing for most of your readers...

That's why I think the paper bag one works - it's close enough to popular idiom to be understandable as an insult even by someone who doesn't have a clue about computers, and "grep" sounds like a slang word anyway, frakk it.

It's also easier to pronounce than "Fsck (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fsck) you!" :D

profen4
06-02-2011, 12:08 PM
These are all great, guys. Thank you. I'll probably use more than one so if you're still thinking of them ... :)

KQ800
06-02-2011, 11:06 PM
I have two kids in my story. Both kids are computer geniuses, but I want one of them to mock the others knowledge in a way that only someone who knows a lot about computers would be offended at or even see it as a mock.

For example.

You couldn't tell a bit from a bite. (worst example ever, but you get the idea, right?)

Or, You wouldn't know what to do with a _____ if it was cabled to PC in command mode.

Or any similarly structured insult.

Is the mock intended as a jest or is it an actual insult? From my experience, geeks use elaborate and referential insults mainly as jokes but actual insults tend to be short and to the point. (And nowadays, mainly involde the word fag...)

Jocular insults

-Whenever the GARB comes his mind goes blank. (He is stupid)

-Beta-me (You are defect, I am your superior)

- Vee Point nine (Version .9, a not fully functioning version)

-I'd give your bases to charity. ( You have nothing I want, your work is worthless )

-He's got a mind like a steel trap - anything entering gets crushed and mangled

-He's got a mind like a steel trap -- full of mice.

-He's got a mind like a steel trap -- rusty and stuck closed.

-Kernel failure called, he says he read your files and he wants to promote you.

-Your .sig should say "How's my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL" (/dev/null is like a black hole, everything you place there will be erased)

-"Yeah, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you, anyway." (What you just did was monumentally stupid and you have not yet realized it.)

-For your own safety, stay off the schampoo. (You are stupid.)

-You're not even wrong! (You are very wrong.)

-/b/ (pronounced bee) sent your code/porn/picture back. They said they have SOME standards. (Your code/porn/picture is incredibly ugly and/or repulsive)

-Your Kung-foo is weak! (Your skills are sub par, mine are superior)

-You're running at 400 baud. (You are stupid, you produce work of low quality and not according to deadlines)

-Leads 3 & 4 permanently connected to ground. (You are stupid)

-Pin 8 is floating.(You are stupid )

-You're sending back packets, but the checksums are wrong. (You are stupid, you do not make sense)

-One dee ten tee error. (1D10T)

-PEBKAC (Problem exists between keyboard and chair)



Serious insults

-He's no hacker, he's a faq:er (He onsults FAQ:s, his skills are that low.)

-N00b (Beginner, esp someone who does not realize his ignorance)

-Luser (Incompetent, stupid, ignorant)

-Lamer (Ignorant, stupid, does not try to understand things)

-Script kiddie (Needs pre-made scripts from someone else in order to attack targets, incompetent)

-Anklebiter (His highest level of attack can reach ankleheight)

-B1FF (Thinks he is TEH 5H17!!!, but is actually an anklebiter)

-Leet (1337) (Memeber of the elite, in this context, used to denote person with hubris, a braggart)

-Haxor (H4XOR) (See above)

-BFI (Acronym for brute force and ignorance, implying that someine is unskilled, incompetent and does not realize it)

-Azzhat (Head up rectum, wears his rectum as a hat)

-Azzfag (portmonteau of azzhat and faggot, showing once again that immaturity, intolerance and homophobia are not uncommon in hacker culture)

-Fag

-Wannabe (This, within the hacker cultures focus on competence and skill is a deadly insult.)