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dementedtinkerbell
05-16-2011, 01:00 PM
..but apparently, the Son of God has returned. I'm not even joking. I wish I were:

http://www.ra-el.org

I just want to know, why, if he's the Son of God does he need both donations and a Twitter account?

If it turns out that he is the Son of God by some strange twist of fate, I am soooo gonna burn for this...

:evil

Lainey
05-16-2011, 01:40 PM
Even God has to tweet y'know. :3

heyjude
05-16-2011, 02:10 PM
::head to desk, with force::

Pretty sure the Son of God won't need to provide proof on a website...

But that was amusing.

JimmyB27
05-16-2011, 02:40 PM
I notice he's white this time around - just like in all the pictures...

lastlittlebird
05-16-2011, 04:04 PM
From the FAQ:


He walked, talked, slept, drank, ate, and was restricted by all the normalcies associated with being in a physical body. He did not fly through the air shooting laser-beams out of His eyes...Awwwww :(

Mr Flibble
05-16-2011, 04:18 PM
Hang on a minute:

During the post WWII eugenics movement that swept the United States, Lord Ra-El's mother (Ruth, daughter of Mary) was surgically forced sterilized, and rendered completely unable to have children. Years later, she laid with a man named William Collins, an Italian man who was in the Army (Roman Soldier), this man was also a Rosicrucian (those that carry the hidden knowledge of Christ). By this union, Ruth miraculously became pregnant, and gave birth to Lord Ra-El under the sign of Gemini.
For a start, I have to say that William Collins isn't exactly an Italian name. Seeing as Collins is Anglo Saxon/Irish/Welsh in origin. And teh Italian form of William is Guglielmo.

Interestingly, in modern Illuminist teachings, it is understood that the Collins bloodline is the "mystical line", that many believe is actually the true Davidic bloodline of Jesus.Collins? So that means Joan and Jackie Collins are....

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-16-2011, 04:28 PM
Wasn't Superman's Dad's name Rael?

lastlittlebird
05-16-2011, 04:36 PM
It's Jor-El.
uh. Not that I know that kind of stuff.

But, El means God in Hebrew I think.

JimmyB27
05-16-2011, 04:36 PM
From the FAQ:

He walked, talked, slept, drank, ate, and was restricted by all the normalcies associated with being in a physical body. He did not fly through the air shooting laser-beams out of His eyes...
Awwwww :(


Wasn't Superman's Dad's name Rael?
So we'll have to wait for this chap's son for the flying and eye-lasers?

lastlittlebird
05-16-2011, 04:48 PM
Well, in theory Ra-El is here for the end times... I assume his son is gonna be outfitted in a teeny space ship and blasted off just as we are all dying in a raging inferno of nuclear volcano climate changing aliens. Or something of the kind.
In other words, we don't get to see the lasers. Hence the :(

lastlittlebird
05-16-2011, 04:51 PM
Speaking of space ships the Endeavor is about to go up. 6 mins to go.

Wayne K
05-16-2011, 04:52 PM
:popcorn:

adarkfox
05-16-2011, 05:51 PM
the crappy photoshop blur job makes him so much more believable.

MissAimee
05-16-2011, 05:57 PM
Who comes up with this stuff?

Roger J Carlson
05-16-2011, 06:05 PM
For your convenience, he does take PayPal and all major credit cards. Miracles are very expensive today. Loaves and fishes for 5000 doesn't just come out of thin air anymore, you know.

Grrarrgh
05-16-2011, 07:27 PM
Wait - I thought the Son of God wasn't scheduled to return until this Saturday. Did he get here early??????

kayleamay
05-16-2011, 07:32 PM
And, they waited until the third sentence to mention tithe and donations. I really miss George Carlin.

dementedtinkerbell
05-16-2011, 08:16 PM
What's that old saying? 'Quick, Jesus is coming! Look busy!'

Yeah, too late now. Apparently he's here and a few days early to boot :P

bettielee
05-17-2011, 01:14 AM
This sort of thing is so delicious....

At least our Lord and Savior has a website, tweets and takes paypal. Just think of the alternatives...

Cliff Face
05-17-2011, 03:17 AM
Wait... what's supposed to happen on Saturday?

Not that I'll believe it, but I like to be in on things.

heyjude
05-17-2011, 03:28 AM
Oh, Cliff, you hadn't heard the end is near? Very near? Like, Saturday (http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/)?

::sigh::

Cliff Face
05-17-2011, 03:38 AM
Oh. Okay then.

So I'll be here Sunday with scorn. :)

bluntforcetrauma
05-17-2011, 04:23 AM
They ought not act like that.

BeatrixKiddo
05-17-2011, 05:05 AM
"Lord Ra-El (also spelled and pronounced Ray-El)"

Well, which is it? Ra-El, or Ray-El? How can they provide proof of his identity if he can go by multiple names or nicknames?

How about Jesus 2...

Jesus: The Sequel...

or my personal favorite, Jesus: Part Deux

sheadakota
05-17-2011, 05:14 AM
damn- I'll have to trade in my WWJD braclet for a WWJT one(What would Jesus tweet)

adarkfox
05-17-2011, 07:39 AM
I wonder if Ra-el is one of us, just a strange dude on a bus....

dementedtinkerbell
05-17-2011, 03:38 PM
adarkfox - You just made me snort coffee out of my nose and now I can't stop singing that song, argh!

mirandashell
05-17-2011, 09:05 PM
Arrggghhhh! EAR WORM!

And I hate that bloody song.....

adarkfox
05-18-2011, 05:48 AM
TRYIN' TO MAKE HIS WAY HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU CAN PAYPAL HIM FROM HOOOOME!!!

:evil

CheyElizabeth
05-18-2011, 07:04 AM
I particularly like this quote on the donations page:

The time remaining is very short, and soon your money and possessions will be worthless.

BenPanced
05-18-2011, 07:12 AM
Meh. Therefore, he wouldn't want my filthy lucre, anyways.

Bookewyrme
05-18-2011, 09:45 AM
Oh, Cliff, you hadn't heard the end is near? Very near? Like, Saturday (http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/)?

::sigh::

The world is so not allowed to end on Saturday...It's my birthday party! Can't it end on Sunday instead? :tongue

Mr Flibble
05-18-2011, 02:55 PM
On the other hand, you can go bananas at your party and no hangover/embarrassing recollections next day!

GailD
05-18-2011, 03:37 PM
Ah. So the world is ending on Saturday? Cool. I'm going to go out and buy that Lexus I've been slavering over. On the instalment plan, course. At least I'll have three days of blissful driving....

or longer if I don't get caught up in The Rapture.

And as for this Ra-el chap.... I did my internship in a mental hospital and there were several of them there too.

Roger J Carlson
05-18-2011, 04:20 PM
And as for this Ra-el chap.... I did my internship in a mental hospital and there were several of them there too.Yeah, but did they have cool websites?

heyjude
05-18-2011, 05:36 PM
The world is so not allowed to end on Saturday...It's my birthday party! Can't it end on Sunday instead? :tongue

Happy almost birthday, Bookewyrme!

I'm pretty sure you're safe. :)

dementedtinkerbell
05-19-2011, 07:50 AM
Hahaha! You guys crack me up! You're awesome :D

Happy Birthday for Saturday Bookewyrme. Sorry 'bout the world ending and all but you know how it is, sinners to remove, demons to destroy. Just think though, all the politicians will be massacred by God! That's got to be a plus, right?

Ol' Fashioned Girl
05-19-2011, 02:14 PM
I wanna see his birth certificate. I'm not going to Hell without seeing some proof of his qualifications.

Cliff Face
05-19-2011, 02:47 PM
Y'know, I saw something on TV the other day about a "Jesus cult" here in Australia, linked to a famous Neighbours star. Some guy claiming to be Jesus.

Anyway, it got me thinking... and bear with me.

If someone made plans for a terrorist attack, the cops could arrest that person, right? Intent and all that. So...

Jesus is supposed to show up at the end of the world. If Jesus is here, everyone dies, right? So...

Can't we arrest these people who claim to be Jesus on the grounds that they're committing conspiracy to destroy the world?

Check-mate, Jesus.

Elias Graves
05-20-2011, 12:12 AM
Who comes up with this stuff?

Writers.

EG

Matera the Mad
05-20-2011, 12:26 AM
Foo. Satan is following me on Twitter, and he's not worried about it.

dementedtinkerbell
05-20-2011, 04:45 AM
Y'know, I saw something on TV the other day about a "Jesus cult" here in Australia, linked to a famous Neighbours star. Some guy claiming to be Jesus.

Anyway, it got me thinking... and bear with me.

If someone made plans for a terrorist attack, the cops could arrest that person, right? Intent and all that. So...

Jesus is supposed to show up at the end of the world. If Jesus is here, everyone dies, right? So...

Can't we arrest these people who claim to be Jesus on the grounds that they're committing conspiracy to destroy the world?

Check-mate, Jesus.

This!

*bows down to the awesomeness of this logic*

Cliff Face
05-20-2011, 04:49 AM
:D