View Full Version : Seeking humorous non-fiction about poop. Yes poop. [token advance, royalties]

05-08-2011, 06:45 AM
This Book is Sh*t!
A Collection of Hilarious True-life Stories and Essays About Shit, Complete with Corn

Edited by Garrett Calcaterra

Seeking humorous essays, articles, and true-life stories having to do with shit. Shitting at work, pants shitting, shitting etiquette, philosophical musings on shit... if it's funny submit it. No coprophilia or sexual content please. Poop is funny, not sexy. Terms to be negotiated once we have a publisher lined up. Agents are currently reviewing the proposal. In all likelihood, contributors will receive a token advance, and royalties if/when the book sells well.

e-mail submissions to gcalcaterra@gmail.com

About the editor:

Garrett Calcaterra is author of the horror novel Umbral Visions (http://www.garrettcalcaterra.com/html/umbral_visions.html) and co-author of the fantasy novel The Roads to Baldairn Motte. He has pubished dozens of short stories, and his short non-fiction has appeared in Writers' Journal, M&S Retailer, Impose Magazine, and Dirtcakes. As a freelance writer/editor he has edited and ghost written three books, including a successfully published memoir.

05-15-2011, 07:05 AM
I don't want to be critical, but this is a really shitty lead.

Mr. House
05-16-2011, 05:19 PM
I'm honestly tempted to submit something to this as I have a couple of sad but humorous stories about poop.

I have only one question: why do you want poop stories?

05-19-2011, 05:07 AM
Because, like farts, poop is funny. It's one of those things that's intensely private during the deed, but afterwards is fodder for some of funniest stories we tell friends. The finished book will make both a great gift book (think impulse purchases at book stores) and an engrossing literary anthology for those with a warped sense of humor.

05-19-2011, 05:55 AM
This is the most amazing thing.

Successful Writer
05-24-2011, 08:41 PM
My brother would love this book.!!

Wayne K
05-24-2011, 08:57 PM

05-29-2011, 11:13 AM
Now my question:

Does it have to be a first person experience?

For example:

I was just recently told a story about a... gentleman that, after drinking too much, crapped on the living room floor at a friend's house in the middle of the night...... after walking to the bathroom to retrieve toilet paper.

06-02-2011, 08:09 AM
It does not need to be first person. The only requirement is that it's non-fiction, and that it's funny. Like with most good non-fiction, many of the best pieces I've accepted are less about the actual narrative and more about the editorialization and poignant insights the writer makes.

06-02-2011, 08:36 AM
I suppose the euphemistic buzzword (or bookstore subcategory) for this would be "Bathroom Humor." I've heard that phrase before, in reference to a song.

Did you see the thread over in Politics and Current Events about a postman who ... ? That's a Real Life Story, in the news, even! As you might guess by my comment there, the part I especially found funny was that while he wasn't fired, his route was reassigned.

06-06-2011, 05:04 PM
Is there any particular word count you are looking for? I do have a slightly amusing story. At least I found it only slightly amusing, everyone else I told the story to thought it was hysterical.

06-06-2011, 05:15 PM
Hmmm,I have a potential for this... a true tale about teaching about the digestive system... Could probably get 500 words or so out of it. is that acceptable?

06-29-2011, 10:11 PM
I'm pretty open on word count. The pieces I've accepted so far have ranged between 400 - 2500 words. If it's funny, I want it.

06-30-2011, 12:33 PM
No hard deadline. Open to submissions until the book is full, but we are getting close. I'd say get whatever you have to me by the end of July to be safe.

07-06-2011, 02:56 AM
Does it have to be human poop? I'm a dog groomer, and let me tell you, I have some hilarious poop stories.

07-14-2011, 10:30 PM
Dog poop is great. I have a whole section of the book devoted to pets and kids called "Little Turds"

07-15-2011, 12:46 AM
I have a couple of sad but humorous stories about poop.

Is there any other kind? ;)


07-28-2011, 10:00 PM
I'm game, still accepting? could possibly have something to you in a couple of days....

08-21-2011, 09:51 PM
Well, I've got a pretty short story about something that happened me in a Taco Bell, but it's only around 200 words. Would I need to make it longer?

08-23-2011, 09:38 AM
Yes, still accepting subs, and no, 200 words isn't too short, as long as it's good.

09-03-2011, 02:54 AM
I don't know about this...I don't know...well I guess it's ok, as long as its tastefully done. Can I use a Pseudonym?

But then again...I once entered a Hemingway Parody contest and I called my submission "The Old Man and The Constipação".

Three people I know said "if Shakespeare had done toilet humour then this...this is how he would have written it...".
but...I didn't win for some unknown reason. So I'm wondering...who is going to give a crap anyways this time around?

09-04-2011, 08:18 PM
Hey Garrett, I sent you another piece for your perusal. Its a Non-fictional/fictional parody on the Submission Guidelines.

Thanks for the positive feedback you gave me, it was appreciated.

09-05-2011, 10:16 PM
You're welcome, Bob. I'll be e-mailing you shortly on the new piece.

04-05-2012, 03:07 AM
I'm no longer taking submissions (unless your name is Bill Bryson, David Sedaris, or Dave Berry, etc.). Thanks to everyone who sent material in for consideration. This baby is edited, proofread, and sailing off to my agent. Long live shit!