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Looking for beta reader for memoir about becoming safari guides

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janwyl

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Hi everyone

I’m hoping to interest one or two of you in beta-reading my memoir “A year in the African Bush.” If it ever makes the shelves, then I hope the blurb on the back will be better than this initial effort from me:


Jon and Anne moved to South Africa to work with animals, and six months later they were safari guides. They knew little about the country and its wildlife when they got there, and most of it turned out to be wrong anyway, so their first year was eye-opening in every way.

They discovered a world where dung beetles crash-land, frogs are noisy lovers, racism isn’t as black and white as you’d think, and evil spirits get you time off work.

They had the snot scared out of them by over-affectionate rhino, armed poachers, and an elephant that preferred his cars upside-down. One of their guests accused them of stealing the moon, while another wanted personal services that were too personal. Their Zulu colleagues came from a world that couldn’t have been more different – where polygamy is the norm, elephant dung protects against lightning, and the death of a child is sad yet not surprising – but a shared love of the bush meant Zulus and Westerners grew to understand each other.

And through all of this, Jon and Anne figured out what bothered them so much about hunting, why cuddling cheetahs doesn’t help conservation, and how important evolutionary theory is for understanding nature.

Discover the wilds of Africa through the eyes of two people who never knew what they were getting into, and who tried to make sense of it all in this – the journal from their first year.


(Please note – I’m not looking for a crit on this. I just figured that since I had to give you an idea of what the book’s about, I might as well try to write a summary in a format that might be useful later.)

If it sounds interesting, then you might also like to check out some extracts I posted in SYW a while back:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207282
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=205117
There’s also this one - http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=207757 – but please note that it’s changed quite a bit and is no longer the opening piece (thanks mostly to the feedback I got on SYW – most helpful!). Instead I’ve posted the first couple of pages of the new intro at the bottom of this post.

This is my first time writing anything, and also my first attempt at finding a beta reader. Without wanting to sound presumptuous, I think there are a couple of things that are probably useful for me to point out. If this is presumptuous, then sorry, it wasn’t meant to be. I’m just conscious how much work must go into a beta read, so I really wouldn’t want this to be a waste of anyone’s time.

1) Obviously my book would appeal more to people interested in nature. But no knowledge is necessary – in fact I suspect nature “experts” would enjoy it less than people who know very little.

2) Anyone who is pro hunting or doesn’t accept evolutionary theory may not be a good choice of beta reader because they will find opposing views in this book. I think what I say isn’t overly confrontational, but I do state my opinions, and I wouldn’t want that to be a distraction to the exercise.

3) I’m still undecided as to whether this is aimed at US or UK. So either or both are welcome, and I’m hoping for help to decide which way it should go. South Africans on the other hand are probably less than ideal, because the book is aimed at people who know little or nothing about the country. Right now, the book is written in US punctuation style, but with UK spelling and UK words (e.g., bonnet instead of hood). Don’t ask how I managed to end up like that. I’d prefer not to make it all UK or all US till I know which way I’m going, but I can do if it has to be that way.

4) I’m actually not so interested in a line-by-line. I’m more interested in knowing:
a. which bits are interesting / funny and which aren’t (I think it's all wonderful of course, but I know that won't be so...)
b. where there are credibility, consistency or clarity issues
c. whether the balance and flow of the book works (e.g., humour vs educational vs action and excitement)
d. if I have bad habits or over-used phrases / constructions
I wouldn’t turn down a line by line, but I suspect I’d rather have someone go through the whole thing and help me with the above first (and any other big-picture stuff) – in case the conclusion is that major chunks have to be junked or added in.

5) I’m very happy to do a manuscript swap – but I have to warn you that I’ve never been a beta reader. I’ve commented on a fair few bits in SYW, but I’m well aware of my limited experience. Also, I may not be the right choice for beta reading a memoir, which might sound odd. It depends on the topic, see. A lot of memoirs seem to be about personal struggle (divorce, abuse, etc.), and that’s not for me. Nothing against them, I just get depressed reading that sort of thing (however happy the ending), so I don’t do it.

6) Despite what I say about wanting big-picture comments which require reading the whole thing, I reckon it’s probably best to start by trying out the first few chapters. Better for both of us that way.

If after all that, you’re still interested, then please let me know!

Thanks very much
Jon

================================================

Opening to "A Year in the African Bush"

I fumbled with the latch one-handed for a while, but in the end I put the bucket down and wrestled the door open with both hands. “A bloody child could have fitted that better,” I grumbled. And then shut the hell up because there was no-one to hear me. I don’t generally talk to myself, but then I don’t generally carry raw meat into a hungry predator’s enclosure. What’s more, I was doing it alone, and in the middle of nowhere.

I stepped through the wood-and-wire door and latched myself in. A hefty stick was propped against the fence, and picking it up made me feel a lot more confident. And then stupid. If things really turned ugly, the stick might buy me, what, an extra three seconds? And they wouldn’t even be pleasant seconds. Still, confidence counted for something in there, and I definitely felt better twigged-up. I hung onto it.

Now. Where was he? Patches of shade dappled the parched yellow grass, making ideal conditions for his camouflage. I stood for a while, sweeping my eyes across the enclosure, but nothing moved except branches swaying in the gentle breeze, and the only sound was the occasional bird call.

Oh well. Trying to spot him at least gave me an excuse to enjoy the glorious African savannah in front of me. Clumps of trees dotted the landscape, and knee-high grasses crowded in their shade like children clustering round their mothers. Between these islands of rich vegetation the sun was a heartless tyrant, and the grass thinned to straggly tufts that sprawled on the baked earth like legionnaires collapsed in the desert. The fence at the other end of the enclosure was no more than seventy metres away, but I could only pick out patches of its wire mesh through the trees and shrubs. Beyond the fence, the same savannah stretched over the horizon, unspoilt by buildings, power lines or other human constructions.

I’ve always appreciated the beauty of the Great Outdoors, but that Namibian landscape was something else. A food-lover doesn’t ingest a gourmet meal, and I didn’t just look at that scenery. My nostrils are as blind as the next man’s, but I tell you I breathed that view more than saw it. Okay, so it probably wasn’t the genuine middle of nowhere – patches of Siberia and Mongolia must have stronger claims to that zip code – but Namibia doesn’t exactly teem with people, and the wildlife sanctuary was remote even by African standards. It was half an hour’s drive from any form of civilisation, but that was only if you felt a handful of shacks qualified as such. If you wanted a version that came with hot water and medical aid, you had plenty more dirt road to travel.

I wasn’t really alone either. The sanctuary’s administration building was only a hundred metres behind me, and there were other enclosures nearby, most of which were being tended by other volunteers. But that didn’t stop me feeling all rugged and intrepid. After all, there was nothing but bush and wild animals in front of me. I couldn’t see anyone else, and I wasn’t even sure anyone would hear me if I shouted. Or screamed, for that matter.

Whoops, bad idea to start thinking along those lines. Less thought, more action. Besides, sweat was trickling down my back, my already-pink nose was starting to itch, and if I stood there much longer the meat would probably start cooking. Time to stir things up.

I banged the bucket with my stick, yelling, “Come, kitty, come!” It started out as a manly holler, all chest and rumbling bass, but it trilled up into a girly squeak when a cheetah flowed out of the grass ten strides away.

The cat was all sensual grace and liquid motion. Every inch of its body was gliding or rippling in one direction or another as it moved – except for the glowing amber eyes, which fixed an unblinking gaze on me. The shock of a cheetah just materialising in front of me had already rocked me back a step, but it was the sullen heat in those eyes that hit hardest. It knocked all the rugged and intrepid right out of me.

You know, we men are often accused of thinking with our loins or stomachs, and I reckon there might be something to it. Consider this: when I put myself in harm’s way, which bits of me complain the most? Loins and stomach, every time. So there’s definitely intelligence down there. And it’s clearly independent thought, because they have conflicting strategies: the bits on the outside try to squirm their way inwards, while the bits on the inside make for the nearest exit.

Before things could get out of hand though, inside or outside, I spotted a kink in the cheetah’s tail, and panic loosened its grip. It was Jeannie. Not Afram, I told my still-frantic heart. Easy, boy. It’s not Afram.
 

sonyablue

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Have you found a beta reader yet? If not, I would be interested. I love what you've posted so far. My only concern would be extreme envy at your experiences :) Going on an African safari has been on my wish list for a long time now but unfortunately time and finances have not yet permitted it. Someday, though!

I am new to beta reading, I should caution you, and I'm not entirely sure what to do next. Do I private message you my email?
 

janwyl

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Hi sonyablue

Thanks very much for offering (and for saying you like my stuff - always lovely to hear :))

I've actually had offers from two others, and I've sent them the first three chapters to see if they can put up with me.

I think two beta-readers is probably the right number for me, but if for some reason one of them drops out, I may well get in touch to see if you're still interested - if that's okay?

Thanks!
Jon

P.S. Make sure the someday happens. You mustn't miss it... :D
 
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