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View Full Version : Advice Needed on Jacket Copy/Amazon Product Description



dgaughran
04-27-2011, 06:55 PM
Hi all,

I'm preparing for the release of my first self-published work, hopefully this week. It's two short stories bundled together, the cover will only reflect the first story. I would love some feedback on whether the below jacket copy/product description is compelling enough.

Thanks,

Dave


"IF YOU GO INTO THE WOODS"

Eight-year old Jiři Beranek is drawn into a large, nearby forest, captivated by beautiful music from birds hidden high in the trees. Each time he enters, his desire to see the mysterious creatures is checked by his fear of the dark. When he finally forces himself to go farther, he finds a new reason to be afraid. (Short Story, 2,000 words, 8 pages.)

+ Bonus story: "THE RESET BUTTON"

Linus Eriksson, a divorced bachelor living alone in his small one-bedroom apartment, is a man with a memory problem: instead of not being able to remember anyone, nobody can remember him. (Short Story, 2,000 words, 8 pages.)

shaldna
04-27-2011, 08:36 PM
Sounds pretty good.

I have to say that I like the sound of 'the reset button' - have you considered expanding it to a novel/novella length, because that senario has buckets of potential

dgaughran
04-27-2011, 08:48 PM
Hi Shaldna,

Thanks for that. It has crossed my mind, in fact, a lot of my shorts tend to have open-ish endings. And the premise, of course, could be played with in lots of ways. I only scratch the surface of one possibility in that story (its only 2000 words), but it is something I would like to return to. Maybe with the same character, maybe not.

Dave

zegota
04-27-2011, 09:03 PM
The blurb about the second story is intriguing, but the first one is a little vague. I think "is drawn into" is weak without being intriguing ("by what?"), and I'd like a little more of a hint about the "new reason to be afraid."

dgaughran
04-28-2011, 01:41 AM
What about a slight tweak to the first:

"IF YOU GO INTO THE WOODS"

Eight-year old Jiři Beranek is drawn to a nearby forest, captivated by beautiful music from birds hidden high in the trees. Each time he enters, his desire to see the mysterious creatures is checked by his fear of the dark. When he finally forces himself to go farther, he finds a new reason to be afraid. (Short Story, 2,000 words, 8 pages.)

Bookmama
04-28-2011, 02:41 AM
One possible change on the first:

Eight-year old Jiři Beranek wants to see the birds he can hear singing in the immense forest. Their music is beautiful, unlike anything he has ever heard before. Each time Jiři enters the forest, his desire to see the mysterious creatures is checked by his fear of the dark. When he finally forces himself to go farther, he finds a new reason to be afraid.

Just another possibility. I also like the concept of the guy no one can remember. What a bummer that would be.