Dealing with unpleasantness

speakinghands · Apr 9, 2011

I have a big writing problem. I hate unpleasantness: sadness, grief, turmoil, etc.

I mean, I love conflict, don't get me wrong. Everything I have ever written stems from internal or external conflict. But when it comes to dealing with the unpleasant consequences of conflict? I'm lost. I just don't like dwelling on sad things. It's a major block that I have. Every ending turns happy in my head, even when I know it shouldn't be.

Any ideas for how I can overcome this block? I feel it is a major handicap.

sunandshadow · Apr 10, 2011

I feel kind of the same way. Once I accepted that I was naturally inclined to write romantic comedy things went a bit easier - it's a rule of the romance genres that endings need to be happy. Sure there are stories out there which should have unhappy endings, but those are for other people to write, not me.

AmsterdamAssassin · Apr 10, 2011

Let the bad stuff only happen to secondary characters you can leave without showing the consequences?

- Martyn, who lets every character suffer...

n3onkn1ght · Apr 10, 2011

Your writing should be an extension of who you are.

If you don't like unhappy endings, that's perfectly fine. As long as your character earn them, then write happy endings.

speakinghands · Apr 12, 2011

AmsterdamAssassin said:
Let the bad stuff only happen to secondary characters you can leave without showing the consequences?

Well, that wouldn't really be fiction, would it? At least, not good fiction.

Now that it's not 3:00 a.m. or whatever and I haven't had a few glasses of wine, I guess it's more accurate that I have trouble pushing my own boundaries with things that I'm uncomfortable with. I was just wondering if anyone had found a way to work around that and do it anyway.

Like - let's just take an example that's universally discomfort-inducing - incest. (I was reading about The Borgias earlier, haha.) How do you push beyond the squick factor and contemplate it seriously? I mean, I have no problems watching a show or reading a book with incest in it, providing that it's well-written. But contemplating something like that for my own writing is a different matter.

I think that a lot of great writers pick their own scabs a lot, is what I guess I'm trying to say. Stephen King always comes back to the dangers of science; Amy Tan always comes back to mother/daughter discord. I want to be able to do that, too.

AmsterdamAssassin · Apr 12, 2011

Well, just be glad you don't write my books. I just had someone ride a motorcycle over a dog and beat up the owner with a baton.

jeffo20 · Apr 12, 2011

speakinghands said:
I guess it's more accurate that I have trouble pushing my own boundaries with things that I'm uncomfortable with. I was just wondering if anyone had found a way to work around that and do it anyway.

Perhaps I am not experienced enough in this to have really found something uncomfortable to write, but I think the answer is you just have to do it. As distasteful as it is, if you want to include rape, incest, or some other form of horrible violence/torture in your story, or some other unpleasant thing, you're just going to have to force yourself to write through it. Unfortunately, I have no other tips or tricks for you.

maestrowork · Apr 12, 2011

Eat lots of chocolate.

Libbie · Apr 12, 2011

speakinghands said:
I have a big writing problem. I hate unpleasantness: sadness, grief, turmoil, etc.

I mean, I love conflict, don't get me wrong. Everything I have ever written stems from internal or external conflict. But when it comes to dealing with the unpleasant consequences of conflict? I'm lost. I just don't like dwelling on sad things. It's a major block that I have. Every ending turns happy in my head, even when I know it shouldn't be.

Any ideas for how I can overcome this block? I feel it is a major handicap.

Well, first of all, you don't have to write books that have a lot of unpleasantness in them. Conflicts don't have to be overwhelmingly negative. A reader can still care about a relatively pleasant conflict -- girl wants to become the prom queen and only her own shyness stands in the way, for example, but she overcomes it. Or couple wants to adopt a baby and struggles to find the right biological mom, but in the end it works out great for all three.

Conflicts don't have to deal with death, extreme suffering, etc.

However, I think it's worth asking yourself why you don't like to face the big negative emotions. Being able to tap into them can make your writing very powerful if you do choose to write about harder conflicts. Are you concerned about allowing yourself to fully explore painful stuff because it WILL cause you to totally express those emotions? That can be an uncomfortable thing to face, but at least writing is a solitary act and nobody else has to see you go through it. All they'll see is the awesome results of your going for it.

As for pushing my boundaries and going for something even if it's uncomfortable...yes, I have direct and very recent experience with it. Not wanting to face it made my writing stall out for a very long time. I only recently started working on that piece again, fully going after all the unpleasantness, and it's some of the best writing I've ever done. Sometimes you just have to jump in and allow yourself to be scared, but do it anyway.

AliceAnderson · Apr 12, 2011

sunandshadow said:
I feel kind of the same way. Once I accepted that I was naturally inclined to write romantic comedy things went a bit easier - it's a rule of the romance genres that endings need to be happy. Sure there are stories out there which should have unhappy endings, but those are for other people to write, not me.

Well said! To me, there's nothing wrong with a happy ending. Actually, I expect it. If a book doesn't have a happy ending I'm sorry to say I won't buy that author's work again. That's my personal preference.

I think there are a couple of ways to go about being blocked about turmoil and sadness. I like the idea of tailoring your books to a genre that is lighter on those aspects. That makes a lot of sense to me. Then it's not a handicap but a strength.

The other idea is to just embrace it. Take yourself to a dark place and write your way out of it. Embrace the control you have over the characters and situations. Find pleasure in killing off the bad guys. Look at your story as two sides of a coin. You've got that deeper, darker, sadder side but eventually you'll flip the coin over and find a brighter, happier side. I'd think that would make a nice story arc.

Just my $.02.

speakinghands · Apr 12, 2011

Libbie, thanks. It's not even that I want to write about violent death or torture or anything. Those aren't terribly common in the fiction I tend to read or want to write (mainstream, quasi-literary) anyway. But yeah, you're right. I think fiction has to have unhappy events, but there's a huge difference of degree, and I think I'm caught up in the idea that in order to be "serious," a book needs majorly unhappy subjects or themes going on. But, ya know, that just isn't true. When I think back on my very favorite authors, they might have had people dying or whathaveyou in their novels, but it wasn't a terribly unhappy thing. Such as Amy Tan and Alice Hoffman.

Incest wasn't a good example, I can see that now. OK: dealing with the IRS. Being audited is something that I don't like the idea of going through, and I wouldn't want to write about it, either. And not just because the writing would probably be pretty boring. It's just one of many things that give me the "I don't want to contemplate" chills.

But maybe that isn't such a bad thing.

I guess the topic I'm most interested in exploring right now in fiction is the conflicts between women (especially female peers), in how and why they develop and self-perpetuate and how we can overcome and rise above them. Sort of like your prom queen example, but more in the 25-35 age bracket. Not a lot of room for death, mayhem, or IRS audits in that. lol

AliceAnderson said:
Look at your story as two sides of a coin. You've got that deeper, darker, sadder side but eventually you'll flip the coin over and find a brighter, happier side. I'd think that would make a nice story arc.

Just my $.02.

Hmm, I like this! Also glad to hear that there are people out there that only like books with happy endings, lol.

Atlantis · Apr 12, 2011

Every writer has something they find difficult to write about. For alot it's sex scenes. They are either uncomfortable with writing something that "graphic" or they are embarrassed to have someone else read it. I wrote my first sex scene a while back and I'm still embarrassed at the idea of someone reading it.

Other writers cannot handle writing violence. The trick to overcome these obstacles is to simply dive in and write it. Force yourself to overcome your embarrassment or discomfort and simply write. At the end of the day you will probably feel good about giving yourself a challenge. Sometimes in order to write real good stuff we have to step out of our comfort zone and write something we normally wouldn't.

Libbie · Apr 14, 2011

speakinghands -- I also read and write mainstream/literary, and while there do tend to be a lot of dark themes in those books, not all of them are, for sure. A lot of well-respected works have much lighter themes. Pnin by Vladimir Nabokov is a good example. And the Rabbit novels by John Updike. Bad stuff happens in them, but nothing truly catastrophic -- or when the catastrophic stuff does happen, the characters are able to cope with it all right. And then there's the out-there stuff that's more about atmosphere and the human mind rather than the human experience. Haruki Murakami, Thomas Pynchon, Richard Brautigan, and Kurt Vonnegut all spring to mind. Joyce Carol Oates has a lot of fiction that falls into either category, dark or lighter. All examples of very successful and important writers in our genre who aren't necessarily dealing with super-heavy themes. Or who can writer either way with equal success.

NeuroFizz · Apr 14, 2011

speaking, you have something in your being that can be a boon to your writing instead of a bust. You have genuine negative reactions to unpleasantness, sadness, etc. This gives you a unique window to show to the readers how your characters may react to those same kinds of unpleasant events in the story. Use your unique views and make your characters come alive by showing those same reactions to events in your story. If you look at it as a writing advantage, you can do all kinds of things to your characters and give the readers realistic actions and reactions to make the characters more three-dimensional (and possible more endearing or intriguing to the readers).

AmsterdamAssassin · Apr 14, 2011

I agree with NeuroFizz. It's much harder if you're a callous sadist like me. I see unpleasantness and think, 'who can I bribe so I can chime in?', and that's not conducive with the emotion of the average reader.

I guess.

*lost in thought... how wide can a sphincter be stretched before... ah, never mind*

sheadakota · Apr 14, 2011

n3onkn1ght said:
Your writing should be an extension of who you are.

.

Not to derail the OP's original question (NF answered that perfectly!)
BUT- I couldn't disagree more with the quote above- If my writing is an extension of who I am then I belong locked up in a straight jacket somewhere dark and unaccesable. There is no way my writing is an extension of who I am- my writing is an escape, it is entertainment, it is my attempt to be god in my own little world, but it is as polar oppisite of who I am as you can possibly be. Why on Earth would I want to write an extentsion of me? I'm boring.

Libbie · Apr 14, 2011

Sheadakota -- I bet it's probably more an extension of yourself than you realize. I'm sure there's some crazy shit in it that's nothing like you, but I bet there's also a lot of subtle emotion and character reaction in it that is straight out of you.

LucindaLynx · May 28, 2011

I admit, it is not easy to let oneself write about things one has experienced, and at the same time one thinks: But what if I put it in there anyway? It may insult the readers, though, as much as I'd like to make them see, that this situation isn't theirs alone. I don't know, if anyone understands what I try to say here, but if even someone does, it is good.

Dealing with unpleasantness

speakinghands

sunandshadow

Impractical Fantasy Animal

AmsterdamAssassin

n3onkn1ght

speakinghands

AmsterdamAssassin

jeffo20

Tyrant King

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Libbie

Worst song played on ugliest guitar

AliceAnderson

speakinghands

Atlantis

Libbie

Worst song played on ugliest guitar

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

AmsterdamAssassin

sheadakota

part of the human equation

Libbie

Worst song played on ugliest guitar

LucindaLynx