Uvula Grooming

NeuroFizz · Apr 1, 2011

I need help. Every time I open my mouth to say something, I'm worried my uvula isn't looking its best. I've searched the internet, but I can't find any uvula grooming places or products. I'm not interested in implants or anything, just something to spruce up what I have.

cray · Apr 1, 2011

i have bolt cutters.

CaroGirl · Apr 1, 2011

I recommend a strenuous exercise regimen consisting of saying Aaaahhhh ten times per day, for ten minutes each time. You're uvula will look fit and trim in no time. Don't worry about people staring. They're just jealous.

regdog · Apr 1, 2011

Take a long cotton swab and apply liberal amounts of glycerin. Your uvula will have a nice healthy sheen in no time.

NeuroFizz · Apr 1, 2011

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

One.

Maryn · Apr 1, 2011

Reaching back and giving it a quarter twist a dozen or more times a day, alternating the direction of the twist, always works for me.

Maryn, gagging

Lyra Jean · Apr 1, 2011

Gargle with salt water.

Torgo · Apr 1, 2011

There's a lot you can do with subtle lighting. Have you tried installing some sconces, possibly an uplighter or two?

Alessandra Kelley · Apr 1, 2011

Mild buffing with baking soda.

scarletpeaches · Apr 1, 2011

Could be worse. You could have an unattractive urethra.

NeuroFizz · Apr 1, 2011

AW is great, so many fine suggestions. Keep 'em coming.

I think this will really help get my social life back on track.

BunnyMaz · Apr 1, 2011

May I suggest something a little risque?

I have yet to see anyone taking sufficient care over their uvula to attempt a discrete piercing, or a collar about it. I anticipate this would highlight your uvula's best features quite nicely.

Roger J Carlson · Apr 1, 2011

I'm thinking...

...pastels!

Snowstorm · Apr 1, 2011

First, you have to call it by its proper name: the "hangy-down thing."

Then, make the hangy-down thing look better, not by exercising it, but by exercising the tissue around it. Eat a lot. This will exercise the surrounding muscles, which will effectively shrink the hangy-down thing by making it more svelte looking.

rhymegirl · Apr 1, 2011

I have a suggestion but it is x-rated.

Mom'sWrite · Apr 1, 2011

Washed, waxed, buffed to a high polish with a fine chamois or tats, tats would work.

Snowstorm · Apr 1, 2011

Or razzle-dazzle paint. It worked for WWI battleships.

Stew21 · Apr 1, 2011

tiny little rhinestones and a hot glue gun.

Grrarrgh · Apr 1, 2011

It must be Bedazzled.

ETA - that's what I get for not reading the whole thread. Stew already suggested it.

NeuroFizz · Apr 1, 2011

So, if gold or silver teeth is called a grille, what would we call a bedazzled uvula?

Snowstorm · Apr 1, 2011

hangy-down bling thang

maestrowork · Apr 1, 2011

I think the anal bleaching folks could help you with beautifying your uvula.

NeuroFizz · Apr 1, 2011

maestrowork said:
I think the anal bleaching folks could help you with beautifying your uvula.

Naw. They're behind the times. I pucker at the thought of bleach on my uvie. We're not talking back door here.

CaroGirl · Apr 1, 2011

NeuroFizz said:
Naw. They're behind the times. I pucker at the thought of bleach on my uvie. We're not talking back door here.

Do you pucker at the front door or at the back door? Or both? Can you pucker both ends at the same time?

aadams73 · Apr 1, 2011

Keep your mouth shut.

Voila! Problem solved in the most cost-effective way possible!

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