Battle fatigue

Angry is good.
Tired is very understandable. So is hurt.

But angry is good. Let the hurt go, and turn the anger toward motivation. Tell your tale. Feed it with truth, and let that truth do its work in the world.

And, for what it's worth? For every Victoria Jackson there's an Al Franken.

Ah, Ben, now you have me nearly crying because I feel so terrible for spreading that crap link. I guess I was in CYBTS mode. It will pass and you will find the strength to keep going. And, unlike Jackson, you have a far greater potential for happiness. And hey! You just published a book! Let's see crazy-ass do that!

Seriously, hope you feel better soon. Maybe I'll run into you in LA!

Aw, Mr Panced, don't lose heart now, we're fixin' to repeal DOMA and then it's big gay weddings for everyone!

Screw that comedian lady that I've never heard of! Who the heck is she? Liberal Hollywood will soon lay waste to her career for being such a nasty piece of bitchery. Chris Colfer won a Golden Globe!

I think you need the Beautiful People!
And a little extra Beautiful People...

PS Big Gay LA AW Meetup? Is anyone else feelin' it?

I admit it. Sometimes I speak (or write on AW) before I think. It’s landed me in trouble sometimes, and I’ve been surprised when it happens.

This post… I spent the good part of an hour thinking about whether I should post it. It probably breaks quite a few rules, and risks putting me in the icebox for a while. But… sometimes the topic warrants blunt, plain speaking without civil couching of the message in weasel words that sandpapers the rough edges off the anger and the passion.

So, Mac, if you want to put me in the freezer for this, go ahead because I will be generalizing and unrespecting quite a few of my fellow writers that happen to be Christian. Quite a few of them will probably be mad at me, and maybe some will even report this post or put me on ignore. But. I’ll risk it for this message.

Ben, my friend, you need to stop respecting the Christian viewpoint and allow yourself to be hopping mad about it. You need to permit yourself to go for the jugular because they do not extend any civil courtesy to you. Let the anger flow. Join the dark side. Take your father’s place at my side and… Oh. Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

The regular run of the mill Christians will only voice an opinion when they are the target of criticism, and they will target you and say that “not all Christians are like that.” Notice that they will rarely object to the source of your grievance, but will be fuming over the fact that you voice your grievance.

Not all Christians are fulminating homophobes, that’s true, but the vast majority of them are placidly indifferent when the preaching pastors explode in lyrical fire and brimstone in the pulpits across the world about your nature. The message of love is a lie, a convenient lie to reach for in order to couch the truth.

And that truth is that indifference to the plight of LGBT people, and that the regular Christians do reach for their wallets to donate money to campaigns and material that will excoriate your being when the fire and brimstone service is over. They will go home and feel good about themselves while their church orders pamphlets and magazine ads that tries to deny you your place in society.

They look toward the shining utopian city on the hill, the city where there will be no sin and where there will be no one like you and me. They are blinkered from the fact that their indifference, their silence and their actions piles crushed lives of real people in the here and now. You might as well have crucifixes along that road, with real people on them. At least then the wickedness of their inaction and their actions would be visible to all.

Kids fingering pill bottles and their dad’s guns because their lives are unbearable because anti-lgbt-bullying is swept under the rug. People dying of HIV in the third world because the Catholic church is fighting tooth and nail against contraception would be heard.

The regular christians do not stand up and say ‘enough is enough’. They are silent, and therefore they are complicit. When push comes to shove, they do not take charge of their religion, and instead they try to convince the victims of it that the victimizers are misguided and wrong and whatnot.

I don’t buy it anymore. I don’t think you should either. I think the Christians that are genuinely compassionate are in a small minority, while the vast majority is just indifferent and couldn’t care less. Another minority would like to see people like you and me in jail, hidden away from view, in misery.

Inaction is as bad as action. If you walk by a bleeding person in the street without stopping to help the wounded, you are hurting the person nearly as much as the attacker that harmed that person. If you see this happen again and again and again, anger and resentment is natural. It is understandable. It is welcome, because it is right to be angry about that.

I have wailed, cursed, banged my head against the wall. I have struggled, agitated, and fought every millimeter for my rights. We have come a fair way in my country, but we wouldn’t have got very far if we had fought according to our opponents’ rules. We would never have got very far if we’d accepted the judgment of the indifferent masses.

This actor-something is a symptom of a larger problem, and therefore it’s right to be angry and sad. It just shows your humanity – a humanity that is more real than the pious wannabes that claim the goodness title in the name of the wickedness and cruelty that often is Christianity.

It is also a hopeful sign, because the storm is loudest and most noisy just before its end. Christianity is rapidly becoming more and more irrelevant to people, and more and more young people turn away from this medieval god. In ten years time, or twenty, things will be very different. When the US has been as de-religionized as many European countries, then you will have won. And anger might carry you to that future. And disrespect for the Christian faith may hasten the victory for humanity a bit.

I’m angry. I’ve been angry for twenty years now about this issue. I hope you vent your anger in constructive ways, because it is needed. Sometimes anger is a very useful tool. Unless it burns you out, but then you’re welcome to visit us on this side of the pond to recharge your batteries, and see what you’re fighting for, and that the fight is actually worth fighting.

Since I posted the awful link, I feel allowed to take a moment from the serious conversation to offer something that should cheer you up.

http://beaarthurmountainspizza.tumblr.com/

I went and watched the video and her follow-up response with a news channel. Now that my eyes are roll back down into their proper place, all I can say is that she never did have much of a brain to start with.

Victoria Jackson? Wow, I thought she blew away years ago.

I am fighting for every breath these days (collapsed lung and all) and somedays it seems it would be easier not to.

Hate. Fear. Hypocrisy. These are the backwaters of the human mind.

Love. Courage. Honor. These are the currents that will carry us forward.

Those who cling to the first way, are doomed to irrelevance. Those who choose the second path are our future.

Take heart. Life is joy and glory in all its' multitudiness spendour. Remember.

Kitty Pryde said:

Aw, Mr Panced, don't lose heart now, we're fixin' to repeal DOMA and then it's big gay weddings for everyone!

Screw that comedian lady that I've never heard of! Who the heck is she? Liberal Hollywood will soon lay waste to her career for being such a nasty piece of bitchery. Chris Colfer won a Golden Globe!

I think you need the Beautiful People!
And a little extra Beautiful People...

Click to expand...

That show always makes me smile.

{{{Ben}}} Non illegitimi carborundum

Hopefully the bigots will buy lots of copies of my novel when it comes out in the US next year, if only so they can burn them

Meanwhile the cool kids can buy the ebook in the privacy of their own homes...

Hugs, Ben!

She looked so vile and ridiculous. I thought it was a very misguided attempt at satire at first. I really did. And I don't know who the hell she thinks she is.

(I am Christian, btw. And I'll stand up against her any day! I just thought she crashed and burned herself. She's a joke. She's a sick, sad joke.)

She's nobody, anyway, Ben. Nobody who must have been under a rock for the past 20 years at least. I hope you see how batshit she looks to the general community, especially the younger folks.

Haven't seen the video, but I won't look it up now for the purpose of not adding any more views to it.

You have every right to be angry. But this person means nothing. Do not give her any power over you.

@Maxinquaye: I understand where you're coming from, and you're right--the vast majority of Christian folk at best seem to take the attitude of "hate the sin, not the sinner" on this topic, and "pray for our brothers and sisters who have strayed" or something like that.

HOWEVER. There are good people in of faith who do make an effort to make things better for us, and I don't think that effort should be trivialized. The Episcopal church in my neighborhood is the hub of an organization called "Believe Out Loud," put together for the express purpose of creating a safe space for the LGBT Christian community to come and worship. I've heard many a sermon there on tolerance as well, without the "let's pray for the sinners" bullshit--just purely telling people to act right and quit excluding people for things like orientation.

I know it's small in the grand scheme of things, but it's not nothing.

I am so sorry you're having a rough time, BenPanced.

I've heard of tripe like she's spewed and usually don't think anything other than "that's their opinion, no matter how stupid or wrong it is." But. I'm hetero so it's easier for me to blow off such things.

Your thread, your words, and your anguish really hit me. Your words are important as they help point out to others who aren't wearing your shoes how such tirades, or even a casual spiteful comment, can hurt.

Here's to hoping you feel better.

I have no words of wisdom, Benny, but I have a limitless supply of whenever you need them.

I am going to be blunt here: Toughen up and don't give these people power over you.

Being African-American in the USA is no joke. But we don't give a fuck about our haters. We never have. We stand up when we need to. We fought tooth and nail and sometimes,we have to knuckle up ever so often. Other than that,we say fuck em. The general opinion in my community is that if you don't like us,you can kiss our collective black asses and good day to you,sir/madam. If a people that have taken shit for over four hundred years can keep it pushing,no matter what is thrown our way,the LGBT community can do it,too. Are you going to let a has been last heard from a hundred years ago fuck with your spirit and steal your joy?

LGBT folks have a helluva time in this country. Kids killing themselves is beyond horrible and breaks my heart. Your community faces trials daily but take a lesson from African Americans. You cannot let these people break you,cause you to feel badly,or feel as though there is no good left. There are plenty of straight folks(MEEEEEE!)who both love and support our fellow sisters and brothers. There are many who won't put up with this hateful mess. Take it as the usual,a bigot showing her ass for the world to see. This silly heifer is a nobody to you. Keep doing what you do and support the LGBT community. Keep loving your life and living it. Fight against discrimination in whatever way appeals to you and remember that not all straight folks and Christians behave like this fool. She is in HOLLYWOOD. Whatever career she had is done for. As well it should be for speaking hate towards folks. Good old Michael Richards has never recovered and she won't,either. Performance piece,my ass. The things folks use to justify someone being a bigot astound me.

As for Christians,my community is notorious for this hateful rhetoric. Never mind that the director of the choir,the usher,and others are gay. Sometimes,it's even the pastor! Good old Eddie Long lead an anti-gay march when he was notorious for cruising Midtown for men. It was an open secret in the A until it went national. I tell you,the hypocrisy in some of our churches is ridiculous. But there are also folks like my mother's pastor,Rev Davis and his congregation,who go out of their way to welcome gay folks into their church and refuse to preach hate.

I hope you feel better,Ben*hugs*

Love ya, Ben. And not just for the Brak avvie!

I was listening to this today (Fresh Air interview with Dan Savage who started the "It Gets Better" videos on Youtube), with my "history" it was hard to listen to the descriptions of bullying:
http://www.npr.org/2011/03/23/134628750/dan-savage-for-gay-teens-life-gets-better

The transcript is available here. This part really struck me:

...And this girl wrote to say that she's 15, she tried to come out. Her parents freaked out, threatened to throw her out of the house, threatened to not let her see her siblings anymore, not pay for her education. And so she went back in the closet and told them that she made a mistake, that she was just a tomboy and was confused and thought that meant she had to be a lesbian when she grew up but that she was wrong.

And she wrote me to tell me that she was watching the videos, and they were really helping her be strong and filling her with hope that her family could come around, because a lot of the videos, and now the essays in the book, are by people who had - whose families had similar reactions and then came around and are now supportive.

And she wrote to tell me that the videos were keeping her sane and she was watching them in her room at night, under the covers, on her iPad. And so that one email for me really captures the reach and power of this project, that LGBT adults are able to talk to this girl and give her hope for her future and for her family, give her hope that her family will heal, and talk to her whether her parents want us to or not.

Click to expand...

It's fucking unfair that people have to despair about something as visceral to their beings as their sexuality. I am so sorry.