Oh, no! My son is Superbad!

My son and I were sitting on the couch watching the end of a tv show before he was off to bed. Our conversation went like this...


Sb (Superbad): Mom, where's dad?

Me: He went to the store.

Sb: I have something really bad to tell you.

Me: What!?

Sb: I got detention on Friday and you need to sign the paper. (Here comes the bull pucky) You know how you're at the wrong place at the wrong time?

Me: What did you do?

Sb: It wasn't me! I was just sitting there. My friend was drawing a penguin and I was trying to help him. (By this time I was looking over the rim of my glasses) Then I was caught with the pencil in my hand.

Me: Mmmmhmmm. What kind of a penguin did you draw!?

Sb: You know just a penguin.

Me: Really? What did it look like?

Sb: (my son demonstrated with his finger) Two circle eyes and a beak! And then...

Me: Wait!!! You mean you drew a wee wee on a wall?!!! (now, the word wee wee coming from your mom doesn't sound as valiant as the word penis and the look on his face was worth capturing on camera but it wasn't near me. He sort of looked like a squirrel frozen in the middle of a street deciding which way to go as his small life flashes before his eyes.)

Sb: Mom, I swear it was a penguin!

And then the movie Superbad, which I had to watch just to make sure my kids couldn't see it and I reassured them that they were NOT under any circumstances to watch that foul movie. The only part of the movie that made me die laughing was the penis part. Now, I'm trying to be serious here with my son...

I couldn't do it. I bit my lips hard to keep from laughing while trying to look serious through my eyes. I really tried. But...

Sb: Why are you laughing?

Me: Remember that movie Superbad? And don't lie! Anytime I tell you not to watch a movie you run to what's his face's house.

An embarassing smile washed over my son's face then reality hit him.

Sb: NO MOM, I SWEAR TO YOU IT WAS A PENGUIN!

I laughed for an hour. He's still mad at me and I'm still laughing.

Here's what the detention note said.


Dear Mrs. W.

After the Festival Friday night Asher was caught drawing a rather large penis on the seating edge of a planter. He erased it.


I laughed again but even harder this time.


A rather large Penis?

Size envy comes in all shapes I guess.

I guess I should be hiding the apple pie too.

defyalllogic said:

how old is he?

Click to expand...

What else but 13.

Said The Sun said:

This was pretty hilarious.
Also, very clever of him to come up with the penguin idea. That could've saved me 3 days of suspension in the 6th grade. Ah, decisions, decisions.

Click to expand...

This morning when I dropped him off at school I was still laughing but trying to be serious.

Sb: You don't believe me do you, Mom?

I say through a wheezing, at the end of my breath laugh, "I do I swear," tears running down my face.

He is so mad at me.


At the end of the detention letter I had to mark a box saying whether my son was getting a ride home or walking. I told him he was so walking for this. You ever do this again and I'm writing the Hall Of Fame.

Then laughed again. A long drawn out wheezing laugh.

I then went out to the kitchen and tried to make a copy of the letter.

Sb: What are you doing?!!!

Me: This would be great for your high school year book. Or, wait! Your wedding reception memory photo slide show!

We wrestled around until he got a hold of the cord and unplugged it. I was no match for him as I was laughing too hard to have any strength to fight back.

I'm going to call the school and have them send me a copy.

And according to the finger rendition of the drawing the pen... penguin was pretty big!

backslashbaby said:

The penguin excuse is very clever!! I'd watch out for that one. And train him well

(my high school principal nicknamed me The Sly One)

Click to expand...

I think I am training him well. He writes fiction off the top of his head like a pro. I just need him to get the fine tuning of believability down.

Now, if I can only teach him to pee in the toilet we gals here at the house would be elated.

After he drew the two large eyes and a beak for me I asked about the rest of the penguin. He got a sudden case of writers block.