Jewish funeral practices

You need to know what variety of Jews these are--Orthodox, Chasidic, Conservative, Reform? The ceremony will vary A TON depending on who's having it.

Re: your charred corpse, Jewish funerals are closed casket, but sometimes those closest to the deceased might take a glimpse. The body is usually dressed in a shroud or loose white garments, and sometimes shards of pottery are placed over the eyes.

It's been a while since I've attended one (thankfully), but there is huge variation depending on religious belief and family choice. To demonstrate to a reader that it is a Jewish ceremony, the narrator could describe the yarmulkes on the mens' heads. That's the little disk-like hat that would probably be worn by a lot of the men. The family will have (probably) a small piece of torn ribbon pinned on their shirt (I think they used to tear the shirt, but I don't know if they still do that for Orthodox ceremonies. I'm really more familiar with Reform.). It's common that the Rabbi would say/sing words and prayers, so you could mention a Rabbi as well. At the ones I've been to, the casket gets lowered into the ground and there is a giant pile of dirt next to it with a shovel in it. The guests take turns (reverently) tossing a shovel full of dirt on the casket. Some people will throw in flowers. Nearby graves would have small stones on them. This link and this link may help.

Well, Orthodox jews would most likely wear a yarmulke (or other hat) all day, every day, unless they chose to be non-observant (some conservative jews do that too).

One big part of the funeral is going to the host's home afterward for a (probably kosher) meal. All the mirrors in the house will be covered, the mourners won't wear leather shoes, or shave their stubble, or (sometimes) wash their hair. Google "sitting shiva" for more details...

Kitty Pryde said:

One big part of the funeral is going to the host's home afterward for a (probably kosher) meal. All the mirrors in the house will be covered, the mourners won't wear leather shoes, or shave their stubble, or (sometimes) wash their hair. Google "sitting shiva" for more details...

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Once again, there a huge variety of possibilities, depending on the family and religious beliefs. I can only speak to my own experiences, since technically both my husband and I are Jewish. In my personal (not-all-religious) experience, shiva consisted of food and memories. In more religious households people would have kosher food and all the above, but if the family wasn't really religious, then it (using my family as experience), wouldn't look like that. The food wasn't kosher, we covered one mirror in the hallway, leather shoes were not an issue, and as far as I know, everyone shaved and showered. Definitely Google, but I think there are a lot of variations depending on family custom. For my family it's more about being together, and about the food. Shiva isn't a completely solemn event. My husband and I may just have wierd families.

I've been to two jewish funerals recently.
1) No flowers-- I'm not sure if it's against the religion, but they are frowned upon.
2) No headstone for up to a year- then they have an "unveiling" ceremony for the headstone
3) people leave rocks instead of flowers at the grave site.
4) never ever an open casket--some types of Judiasm doesn't go for embalming- which is why jewish funerals are often the day after the death (2 days after at most)
5) they sit shiva for up to a week but sometimes just a day. If they men are real serious, they don't shave or bathe during that time. My friend's husband looked like a mountain man by the end of her shiva. He did the week-long version. At the other funeral where the folks are jewish-lite they did a day of shiva, then back to work/school/life . Both were for people in their 30s, the former had breast cancer for awhile so it was not unexpected, the latter died unexpectedly in an "accident".

Flowers are frowned upon because 1. they fade away really quickly and 2. they are traditional at Christian funerals, not Jewish ones. Whereas if you leave a rock on the headstone, it shows that people have been visiting the deceased.

Shiva has all sorts of rules, depending on how orthodox/not orthodox the family is.

The hard boiled eggs seem to cross most cultural (Ashenazi/Sephardic) or orthodox/not lines though.

Honestly, I think for Jew or non-Jew, Shiva, especially the first day, may be more emotional / moving and culturally important than the funeral.

You're going to have a delay having nothing to do with religion. Anyone who dies in a car accident needs an autopsy, especially if the person was the driver. You need to check for substances, strokes, heart attacks, et cetera.

Positive identification of a burn victim can also take some time. You'd need x-rays of the teeth, x-rays for any known problems (formerly broken bones or changes caused by cancer), DNA extraction (if possible -- fire causes destruction of DNA), and anything else that would help with identification. Visual identification is usually not possible.

No one should have to remember a loved one as a burn victim, and the family and friends will be actively discouraged from looking at the dead person. It will definitely be a closed casket, as there's very rarely anything you can do to a burn victim to make them presentable. Odor is also a distinct and very unpleasant factor here. I'm not sure how the ritual washing is done in the case of burn victims.

Even though medical examiners will give priority for religious reasons, you're looking at least at two days and possibly several more before the body is released. This is accepted by all major religions, as far as I know, and is not considered to be humiliation of the dead.

The scope of the autopsy will depend here upon the circumstances of the crash. But if the person was the driver of the car that caused the accident, it might be a while as the police try to determine the cause of the accident. There's a lot of differences in legal outcomes depending upon whether the accident was caused by a stuck accelerator, drinking, or a heart attack. And it matters whether the person died from the blunt force trauma of the crash or from the fire.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

I'd agree with most of the posts. The tombstones, though, would be different as they would have Hebrew writing on them. Both my parents had the dates of their births and deaths written in Hebrew - the dates being the Jewish ones rather than the English ones. I'm not sure, but I think the way the graves are aligned may be different.

About the time thing - usually as soon as possible. Normally two sunsets. jclarkdawe I agree with you about the delay - but sometimes officials can speed things up if they know it is important - they can also take ages if they think a crime has been committed.

Shakesbear said:

About the time thing - usually as soon as possible. Normally two sunsets. jclarkdawe I agree with you about the delay - but sometimes officials can speed things up if they know it is important - they can also take ages if they think a crime has been committed.

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As you say, officials can speed things up and religious burial customs are important and well known to any competent ME. Normally an autopsy for someone who belongs to a religion that requires speedy burial and/or avoid desecrating a body is easily dealt with.

I don't know the facts of the story, though I'm thinking through possibilities here. But if the other driver was under the influence, or operating recklessly, the driver could be facing manslaughter charges here.

If the dead driver caused the accident, the driver's estate would be liable for any damages. If the driver had a medical history of hypertension and a family history of strokes, you have an argument that if the driver caused the accident as he died from a stroke that he was negligent in ignoring the possibility. However, if he was thirty, no high blood pressure, and had a stroke, you'd have a problem arguing he was negligent. Sometimes bad things just happen.

If he survived the crash, and died from the fire, then the auto manufacturer may have been negligent in designing their car, such as the Ford Pinto.

Car crashes with dead bodies very rarely do not end up with lawsuits. Police and the ME are aware of this fact. Without knowing more, it is hard to say how long the body could be tied up for. The ME will try to avoid it, but sometimes there are limits.

Remember that Shabbat and other Jewish holidays preclude an autopsy being done on those days, absent a very strong need for immediate results.

Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe

RainyDayNinja said:

The identification of the body won't be a problem, because his wife and son were in the car with him and survived. But they need some additional confirmation. It isn't unknown for a wife to lie in identifying a body. Unlikely, yes. But if he has a dentist, the dentist emails the x-rays to the ME and the delay in negligible. And the way I have it written right now, he was hit by an 18-wheeler (although who knows how it went down off-screen?). But it hadn't occurred to me they might want an autopsy. About how long might that take, if identification wasn't an issue? It depends in large part where this is. A big city with a morgue that's backed up is going to take longer than a smaller city. And one thing I don't know about Jewish customs is what the position is on body organs. Some religions insist on the entire body being buried, while others allow organs to be removed, tested, and disposed of later.

The trucking company is hoping he died of a stroke or heart attack (it does happen) while the family is hoping for blunt force trauma or fire. This is literally worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in the judgment that's going to come down in a few years. Autopsy that has to explore the brain and heart in detail is going to take a while and that's why the question is whether they need to be buried with the body arises. (My guess is that they do.)

Let's say the accident occurs on Monday. Normal Jewish funeral would aim for Tuesday or Wednesday. But with an autopsy, it gets complicated. In theory, it's possible for the autopsy to occur on Tuesday and the funeral on Wednesday. My guess, however, is that the main autopsy would occur on Tuesday, with the organs taking an addition day. A busier ME, however, might be completely booked through Tuesday, and even into Wednesday with stuff that can't be moved. In which case the funeral won't be until Thursday or Friday.

Personally, in this example, I'd put it on Thursday. Then I'd have someone muttering about the delay in the autopsy, but supposing it needed to be done. Makes you look like you know what you're talking about. You could throw in desecrating the body and the lawsuit into the conversation.

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Best of luck,

Jim Clark-Dawe