Wanted: Husband - Right Away!

The wrong husband is far, far, FAR worse than no husband. The right husband is a good thing, but...there ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

In my own experience, dating a boring guy was... boring. Marrying a "boring" guy is soothing. Not boring at all. YMMV.

Vanessa said:

My mom actually thinks I'm crazy for considering it!

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Want mine????

DEAR Lord GOD IN Heaven, Vanessa: Please don't jump too fast. You are such a vibrant, witty, intelligent, beautiful girl. How sad would it be to have that wasted on someone who isn't worthy?

I wholeheartedly agree that the wrong husband is WAY worse than no husband. Hubby and I lived together for 5 years before getting married and it still takes work sometimes. I married ex-jerk straight out of high school and he refused to work on anything. That's why he is the EX-jerk.

Divorce is a very ugly thing. Even if you don't love that person anymore, it is also a very painful thing. I will always feel as though an entire decade was stolen from me by a man who refused to live up to his end of the bargain. My salvation is my two precious boys from that marriage. My boys, and the knowledge that I chose wisely the second time around

My wife tells me I could be available?

I'm still working on a way to clone my hubby and send his lab manufactured twins to smart women who deserve a good looking, sweep-you-off-your feet, loyal, funny, strong, and sensetive man.
I've had some severe mishaps in the lab. The results have not been pretty. I'll let you know when I get it figured out though.

I can invite you to my house for a dose of "marital reality."

You know how they have those wilderness camps for wayward teens?

I should sell sleepovers to people who are considering marriage. A few days in this up and down heaven/hell will bring you back down to earth.

My husband is the classic case of "monkey see, monkey do." If he comes home in a bad mood .............and I'm in a good mood, he might cheer up. If he comes home in a good mood and sees I am having a bad day, watch out! He turns into the husband from hell.

Still, the smallest thing will set him off. Yesterday, he couldn't find the shovel. That was all it took to have him angry all night.

As soon as he gets in his car to go to work, he's on the cell phone apologizing for his rotten mood last night.

Who needs it?

We're all under stress from this freakin KATRINA bullshirt .................domestic violence is on the rise at the same speed as gasoline prices.


I don't have to worry about my husband beating me up, which is a good thing because he is 6'4" and weighs 220 lbs .........used to be an amateur boxer and Mr. Nevada.

So ..................Vanessa ............
Just think of the worst of times in a bad relationship .......the walking on eggshells ......jealousy, angry looks. Whatever.


However, there is one cardinal rule every woman must learn in order to survive a marriage:

Remember that the only real reason a man is angry is because he isn't getting enough sex. (which can be daily ...doesn't mean he has gone for a week or more.........we're talking frequent.)

This could be elaborated to worse case scenarios, as in .....he wants to have sex with his secretary and can't, so he's upset by that.

But, generally, when a man is upset ......about sports, something at work, not being able to find time to spend on his projects, or even "not being able to find the shovel," it is actually a metaphor for - "I'm not getting it right at this moment."

Wow! I'm glad that's not the case with every marriage, Pam

Wow! I'm glad that's not the case with every marriage, Pam

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Which part? The sex part? It is the case with every marriage. Absolutely.



Obviously you know what a bad marriage is like. I also know what a bad marriage is like. But, believe it or not, my current marriage of ove 10 years, isn't bad .....................persay. It's just that when we go through horrifically stressful events ................it tests most marriages.


Honestly, I have known many couples who were ecstatically happy and never fought. And, I kid you not ........ they all broke up.



Seems hard to believe. But, couples who argue, as long as its constructive doesn't involve drugs, physical or mental abuse, are more likely to stay together over time.

Watch the Bergman film "Scenes From a Marriage."

Vanessa said:

Oops... excuse me, Was thinking out loud again....


Hope everyone's having a good day.

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Is that Dead or Alive? And exactly how much is the reward?

ac

eldragon said:

Which part? The sex part? It is the case with every marriage. Absolutely.

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I can't agree with that, especially being presented as an absolute fact beyond question. It's wonderful to have strong opinions, just please don't decide for everyone else what is absolute fact. I have a significantly higher sex drive than hubby does. When he comes home in a bad mood, it's because his checking account is low or he nearly sliced off his finger at work or because the truck broke down or his cellphone died. Not because he ain't gettin any or enough. Not all men are as out of touch with themselves as to be driven by the little head without realizing it. It's wonderful that you know your husband so well and it speaks volumes about your relationship that you do, but please don't assume that you know every man on the planet. I guarantee you that I know mine better than you, like you know yours better than I. Ex-Jerk? Sure! He was so driven by it that he couldn't see straight, much less keep it in his pants for more than 24 hours at a time (whether or not I was around)

I don't mean to be snippy. I just dislike being told what is true about my husband when I know it is not true. That's all

I turned 50 this year and admittingly the sex drive is lower, but it never was a
driving force (sorry) in our marriage. Everything in life is on a case by case basis. ymmv

Well, I guess you're right. I was never in a relatonship with a man who didn't have a huge sex drive. Even my mom said she figured this out a long time ago wth my dad ..........the sex thing.


It actually makes things easy.

Knowing that almost anything can be made better by a roll in the hay, is an easy fix.


If I were in a relationship with someone who had a lesser sex drive than me, I'm pretty sure I'd be the one who was mad because I couldn't find the shovel.

It's a hormonal thing. Testosterone is serious. I can assure it I wouldn't
want to have it on my back 24/7.

Not all men are as out of touch with themselves as to be driven by the little head without realizing it

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Interesting.

Also, a big factor is chemistry between people.

Did you ever work with a guy who acted like he hated you, but you found out later than he was totally in love with you? That has happened to me several times, and it might sound like I'm bragging, but I'm not. (We're not talking about Johnny Depp .........now that would be bragging).

Bottled up emotions, sexual tensions.


But its nice to know that my theories are wrong again.

Not necessarily wrong, hun. Maybe just not right for everyone is all. Something else to think about might be this: Maybe a roll in the hay fixes things because it is a huge stress relief in general. Maybe perspective is easier to find afterward because the overall stressful condition is relieved? Just a thought.

I'll bet you're right.

I agree with the bit about arguing being healthy. Nobody's perfect, least of all me. If my wife didn't yell at me on an almost daily basis, I'd think she was plotting my murder.

Seriously, there's nothing worse than keeping it all bottled up. The worst thing you can do is assume that your partner should know what's bugging you and wait for them to do something about it. Just quit playing games and TELL the poor bastard/ette before you explode and someone starts flinging crockery.

I agree with the bit about arguing being healthy

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Me too! I had this friend who told me that my husband and I weren't good for one another because we argued on occasion. I was like "Do you know me at all? Have you heard me talking with my sisters or mother? Yelling is how I communicate." ha. But seriously, he said that when he got married, he'd never argue with his wife... He's really unhappy now, after only a year of marriage. Bummer.

Moral of the story: Vanessa, don't go into it thinking wine and roses. Marriages are hard work! But worth it.

Oh, most definitely. I agree, too. ex-jerk & I never ever argued. Sometimes he would have fits of rage, but we never fought...we never argued. I never raised my voice one time while he and I were married. He wouldn't allow it, and maintained me in a place where I was fearful to even try.

Hubby? Holey cow. (that's a cow full of holes.~laughing~)Yeah, we argue. Sometimes like cats & dogs. We never hit below the belt though. We can argue and get our points across without being disrespectful. It takes a lot of effort, especially when you are mad as a wet hornet, but it's possible.

Generalities are generally true.

Wow. That is deep. I can't believe I never thought of it before.

But, nevertheless, we're not all generals. And even those of us who are take a day or two off from our generalness once in a while.

Vanessa, what do you want this husband for? Got a bug that needs squishing? Garage door that won't close properly? Want someone else to drive sometimes? Wish you didn't have to walk the dog in the rain? Got leftovers you can't finish? What?

Maybe she just desires a companion

He could just be mad he couldn't find the shovel.

My hubby and I DO NOT fight...to the death.

We actually don't fight anymore, argue, throw little fits, yeah, we do that, but our days of screaming at each other are over. We did that for seven years...and then we figured out it didn't work. And I, admittedly, was the button pusher, the hitter below the belt and he was the stone-waller. We were kids, trying to be play adults...and finally we had to become adults. Most of the time now, if we start arguing...it ends in laughter because we realize how stupid we're being.

Though through all our years of fighting, we still would rather be around each other (even when we didn't like the other at the moment) than anyone else. Also, sex has always been a driving force in our relationship. We both enjoy it, both have a strong sexual drive, both feel very connected during love making, and should probably be instutionalized for how often we still do it.

My hubby is the type, that even if he was honestly mad about the shovel being missing, if I said, 'Hey, wanna go have sex?' He wouldn't give the shovel a second thought (until he needed it again). He's not the type to be lead around by 'his little head' (though that's a cute saying and I like it) but he does have high levels of testosterone...honest...I'm speaking medically here. And he is just as vulnerable to his hormones as I am to mine, when I'm ultra sensitive, crying for no reason, or mad at him for looking at the wrong way, or when I have physical side effects of the hormones like cramping and such...I know hormones are making me act a little screwy, well, same for him, and he has physical side effects to his too.

We are two very passionate people, and the thing with passion is, it's not just love. Passion is in every emotion, including anger, jealousy, and of course love. So our fights were just as heated as our love...We just had to learn that we completely sucked at communicating with each other and had to admit neither one of us knew what we were doing...then we just helped each other through it. And now we are having the time of our lives!

My wife says that she will pay you to take me.

Brady