Help dealing with fear.

Ludicrum · Mar 7, 2011

This is actually the reason why I came here in the first place. I've been having a crippling case of writer's fear that I'm having trouble coping with. Since I don't have anyone in my life ATM who I can talk to about writing (some of them are outright opposed to me writing) I felt being here, with other writers, would help.

It has. At least I feel comfortable enough now to post about this. I've been trying to understand why I'm so afraid, and I may not have the whole answer, but I realized that it isn't just one thing that's bothering me, it's several things at once.

Fear of Being Unworthy

I have this little voice in the back of my head that constantly whispers "what if you're just not good enough?" I ignore it and keep writing/editing, and then that same voice asks "what gives you the gall to dare presume to be a writer?"

"What makes you so special? You think you can measure up to those people who are obviously more skilled, talented, devoted, and just plain BETTER than you? You'll never make it; it's stupid of you to even try."

This doesn't stop me from working, but when this anxiety gets bad it does slow me down and cause me to procrastinate.

Fear of Failure

While the previous fear is about me not feeling like I deserve to succeed, the fear of failure is about what would happen if I didn't. I'm sure many of you can relate to this one. I've sunk over a decade into writing, learning the craft, and striving to improve. That means a failure at this point will result in all that time, all that effort, being wasted.

Writing is what I want to do, and it is what makes me happy. However, without marketable job skills I'd be stuck with a "would you like fries with that?" kind of job were I to fail. I consider the reward of a fulfilling life doing what I love to be worth the risk, but I always have that fear in the back of my mind.

Fear of the Industry

I really have to stop doing this to myself. I read anything I can about the industry, hoping to understand it so I can be prepared for what I have to face.

The majority of the articles I read paint writing as a path of strife and suffering, something only a sheer lunatic would be dumb enough to pursue. Editors are soulless guardians of the publishing biz that will make it their life's work to keep you from success. Agents are aloof figures who might deign to give you the time of day if you sacrifice a goat while chanting their name.

Okay, so it's not quite so dramatic. The point is that a lot of what I've read portrays writing as a thankless, joyless profession that is nigh impossible to break into. A profession full of traps and pitfalls that will bury you forever. One mistake and you're out. This tone is especially apparent in the articles aimed at newcomers to show them the reality of the craft. One has to wonder: if the reality is truly so unforgiving, why would anyone do it? As for me, I try because I can't imagine myself doing anything else.

This has lead to my overblown perception of the publishing biz as this giant monster with claws and teeth that would delight in my suffering. Yet, oddly enough, even this does not discourage me outright. It scares the hell out of me, yes, but I still work and am determined to face this beast with everything I have. I'm just afraid that "everything I have" might not be enough in the end.

A Side Note

I've noticed that it's also a common problem for some writers to be overconfident, to believe so much in their work that they turn a blind eye to good advice.

I do not understand this mindset at all. Writing, for me, is a daily struggle to get up the nerve to even associate the word "writer" with myself. A part of me actually envies that way of thinking, as foolish as it is, because at least such a person doesn't have to deal with self-doubt and fear.

Conclusion

I deal with my fear well enough on my own. "Well enough", in this case, meaning that I don't stop writing and have no intention of quitting. However, the fear is a paralyzing influence that sometimes makes me put off work for a few hours, then a day, then a week, before I get up the nerve to try again.

I'm looking for information and strategies to help me combat the effects of this fear. I'm not sure if it can be eliminated, but at the very least I need to learn how to work in spite of it.

jaksen · Mar 7, 2011

Hmm...I haven't read every word you wrote here, I sort of skimmed, though I read carefully your first two paragraphs. It is to those I will respond, because I am moved to say this...

YOU CAN WRITE. You are very articulate, clever and have a good writing ability. Use it. Those who stand in your way can go ... themselves.

Fill in your own verb.

Jessianodel · Mar 7, 2011

Everyone has those fears. Sometimes they're called mid-book blues. I'm not so much scared as I am depressed - I'll never be good enough so why even continue trying? But I ignore it. Something that really helps me is making a list (in your head or on paper) Of everything you love about the book. When you read it over, you'll feel better. Trust me

Maryn · Mar 7, 2011

Know what's cool? Identify several authors here at AW who post a lot and who also have multiple books in print. Books that are doing quite well.

If you read their posts, over a period of time you will realize that they have exactly the fears you do. Plus another one--what if I can't do it again?

Maryn, thinking it's good to know that

bettielee · Mar 7, 2011

*eyes suspiciously*

Is this me? *knocks microphone* *speaks into internets* Have I made myself another persona to talk on Absolute Write???

*listens to vacuum* *remembers internet isn't like phone*

Ludicrum: I swear, you have voiced exactly how I feel/felt. I sort of joined to get the bravery to go out and start kicking shins in an attempt to get published... (figurative shins, you understand) I had written plenty, read about the industry, and was stopped cold by the "numbers game" and the bad attitudes in the writer's markets. Then I came here and started to "socialize" and made friends of the published and unpublished alike. I slowly gained the knowledge to write better books, and even got the guts to submit. The thing I've noticed about the published: they aren't that much different from me and you, but they do sub their work to agents/publishinghouses/magazines. That's the real difference.

I haven't had any luck yet, but I'm still writing better books and still learning more about the industry.

Seriously: just spend more time here. Make friends. Get critted. Crit in return. You will gain confidence and learn.

*fistbump*

Phaeal · Mar 7, 2011

Bend closer, so that I can whisper you the truth:

We're all scared.

The difference between success and failure is perseverence through these fears and all the setbacks and disappointments that are part of the lit world. YOU CAN WRITE SCARED. Believe me, I do it all the time.

Pistol Whipped Bee · Mar 7, 2011

Everyone has fears - just tell yours to shut the hell up when you're writing because - Hey, you're trying to write!

Kitty27 · Mar 7, 2011

I am not scared of anything. But then,I am completely out of my mind. f I get rejected,I don't care. I don't doubt my writing ability at all. I know that I can write. My inner critic does what I tell it to do and is only allowed to come out during the revision process. Otherwise,be silent! I have my worries but self-doubt has never been one of them.

Keep pushing through the doubts,the fears and in my opinion,the worst enemy of them all aka that damned inner critic that savages you before you can even get started. Fear has to be conquered,doubts ignored,and that critic bitch slapped into submission. You can do this. Writers at AW do it every day. Or you can hang with a loon like me and some of my Gothic Pollyanna ways can rub off. The things you mentioned get in many good writers way. This industry is a hard hustle. Well,we knew that going in. Nothing to it but to do it and go hard for yourself and your book.

For now, go ahead and write your book. Don't worry about anything else right now. Whatever story you want to tell,put ass in chair and get to it.

Mr Flibble · Mar 7, 2011

Phaeal said:
We're all scared.

Ain't that the truth!

First you're afraid that your idea is crap
Then that you can;t write it properly
Then that no one will like it/you're a talentless hack
You get an offer, it comes out
You're scared no one will like it/people will hate it or maybe even point and laugh
You work up the courage to sub more
What you consider your best piece comes out
You wonder if anything you write will ever be as good, and maybe you shoudl just give up now, while you're ahead? <--I am here right now.

The fear doesn't go away. Probably not ever. I bet even sucessful writers wonder sometimes 'What if my best book is behind me and it's all downhill from here?'

You just have to not give in to it. Rule it rather than letting it rule you.

blacbird · Mar 7, 2011

IdiotsRUs said:
First you're afraid that your idea is crap
Then that you can;t write it properly
Then that no one will like it/you're a talentless hack

I've made it this far.

So you're not alone.

DeaK · Mar 7, 2011

Yeah, I get all that fear too. It's gotten better though. As I learn about my writer self: my strengths and weaknesses (and how to overcome those little by little) I feel the fears ebbing away. In short: writing helps make the fears go away.

Something else that works for me, which might work for you too, is to take a good, hard look at those fears.

Then I like to get really pissed at them. Whether they could be right (like, maybe I'll never get published), or whether they are definitely wrong (like, I can't get better at writing – which I know I can, because I have), I make a conscious decision to accept whatever outcome I get – WHEN I get it. The thing is that the outcome is not here yet. I am not done trying. So shut the eff up, fears. I said: Shut the EFF UP! Of course, the more fears you can stare into the face of and conclude that they are wrong, the more sure you'll feel about expelling them. It's about deciding to give yourself a chance.

Sometimes I get up from the chair, and kick and punch at the fears. Yes, I look silly. But you know what? When I've killed all the fears (I often have to kill them the next day too) I can write. I can write because all that is left after this cleansing is what I want to do, what I find exciting, and with the fears gone, I can let that passion consume me.

Jamesaritchie · Mar 7, 2011

I've always taken the Zen approach.. Put simply, neither fear nor bravery, confidence of lack thereof, matter in anything. Emotion of any kind only interferes with action.

If you really aren't good enough, what difference does it make? You've lost nothing except a little time. And you've gained knowledge in the effort. Knowledge of what you aren't good at is as valuable as knowledge of what you are good at.

Overconfidence, or just plain old confidence, is equally useless. It won't improve your writing, but may cause a bout of depression should it prove unjustified.

My viewpoint with any new thing is always the same. I may be lousy at it, or I may be great at it, but I know beyond doubt that I can attempt whatever it is in a solid, professional manner.

The final results are meaningless. Only the effort matters. The effort is all I can control. All else is in someone else's hands, and fear, bravery, confidence, or doubt won't change what I can't control, and will, at best, only interfere with my effort.

I've failed at some things, succeeded at others. The failures don't matter because I still tried. The successes, the ones I enjoy doing, I continue doing. Failure is not a crime, is not a sin, is not a negative. Failure is nothing more than proof of effort, just as success is proof of effort. If you fail at one thing, you try something else. We're all good at something, and sometimes we have to fail at several things before we find whatever it is we're good at.

When some new comes along, I try it, always with the same attitude.

In a sense, it all comes down to What one man can do, I can at least attempt. If I fail, I fail, and as long as I gave it an honest, professional effort, I've done all I could do. Some other new thing is always out there.

Mr Flibble · Mar 7, 2011

Jamesaritchie said:
In a sense, it all comes down to What one man can do, I can at least attempt. If I fail, I fail, and as long as I gave it an honest, professional effort, I've done all I could do. Some other new thing is always out there.

Indeed. And at least I can always say 'I bloody well enjoyed doing it'

If you enjoy the process of writing, then write anyway, just do it the best you damn well can.

Monkey · Mar 7, 2011

I used to burn everything I wrote so that no one would ever read it and laugh at me--or worse, pity me.

I burned what I wrote no less than once a week. More commonly, I'd finish something, let it sit overnight, read it the next day, and then burn it. Nothing could stick around for long, because, OMG, what if someone stumbled across it?

Needless to say, that hampered my dreams of finishing a novel. :tongue

My husband was supportive...but I was scared that he'd think less of me if I tried to write something and it sucked. It was completely irrational. I wouldn't be surprised to find out there's a clinical name for it.

What finally got me to finish a novel was my first pregnancy...my husband pointed out that my baby would want to hear my stories and wouldn't judge me, and for the first time in my life, I believed.

Maybe that's what it takes for some people. Not pregnancy... but the firm belief that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE will love what you wrote and not judge you for it.

Now that I've written a few novels, I've gotten braver. I'm not afraid to submit my writing to anyone, anymore. And I've even gotten a few acceptances...my first one was a totally minor internet contest, and my next was for an anthology of amateur writers that never got off the ground, but that didn't matter...those early acceptances told me that people other than my immediate family could enjoy my writing, too. Whoever wrote out those acceptance letters didn't know me, saw only my writing, and they weren't laughing. I don't think I'll ever go back to being terrified again. I'm certainly not going back to burning stuff.

All it took was one person to start the ball rolling.

Susan Coffin · Mar 7, 2011

Jamesaritchie said:
I've always taken the Zen approach.. Put simply, neither fear nor bravery, confidence of lack thereof, matter in anything. Emotion of any kind only interferes with action.

If you really aren't good enough, what difference does it make? You've lost nothing except a little time. And you've gained knowledge in the effort. Knowledge of what you aren't good at is as valuable as knowledge of what you are good at.

Overconfidence, or just plain old confidence, is equally useless. It won't improve your writing, but may cause a bout of depression should it prove unjustified.

My viewpoint with any new thing is always the same. I may be lousy at it, or I may be great at it, but I know beyond doubt that I can attempt whatever it is in a solid, professional manner.

The final results are meaningless. Only the effort matters. The effort is all I can control. All else is in someone else's hands, and fear, bravery, confidence, or doubt won't change what I can't control, and will, at best, only interfere with my effort.

I've failed at some things, succeeded at others. The failures don't matter because I still tried. The successes, the ones I enjoy doing, I continue doing. Failure is not a crime, is not a sin, is not a negative. Failure is nothing more than proof of effort, just as success is proof of effort. If you fail at one thing, you try something else. We're all good at something, and sometimes we have to fail at several things before we find whatever it is we're good at.

When some new comes along, I try it, always with the same attitude.

In a sense, it all comes down to What one man can do, I can at least attempt. If I fail, I fail, and as long as I gave it an honest, professional effort, I've done all I could do. Some other new thing is always out there.

Well said, James.

LaceWing · Mar 7, 2011

Ludicrum, if you make a mistake, something really horrible will happen. A tooth will fall out, boils will erupt, toenails will turn to wood. Join the crowd, ghoul. Come and get ugly with the rest of us.

frimble3 · Mar 7, 2011

Fear of being unworthy: Read reviews, apparently there's a lot of crap being published, as well as the good stuff. Surely you can do as well as that?
Fear of failure: So, maybe you won't make a living as a novelist. Writing is still a marketable skill.
Fear of the 'Industry': All work is a path of strife and suffering. Agents and publishers are no better/worse than any employers/H-R departments.
"A thankless, joyless profession that is nigh impossible to break into. A profession full of traps and pitfalls that will bury you forever." Name one that isn't. If your heart is in writing, you may as well follow it. Good luck.

elmoie · Mar 8, 2011

I think we all know exactly where you're coming from. There's nothing wrong with being scared about being a successful writer, as that is what drives us to succeed.

One of the first things I thought when reading your post was - why does this person think they can't write? This post alone is very well written.

My biggest fear is that I will fail and be doomed to a life of doing something I hate. I worry about that everyday, that maybe I'm leading myself down the wrong path and it's just going to result in nothing but disappointment. Still, I keep going. Just in case.

JimmyB27 · Mar 8, 2011

Ludicrum said:
"What makes you so special? You think you can measure up to those people who are obviously more skilled, talented, devoted, and just plain BETTER than you? You'll never make it; it's stupid of you to even try."

Why shouldn't you measure up to those people? They're just people too. There's nothing special about having a talent for writing. Well, actually, I think there is. But nothing any more special than having a talent for painting, or playing football, or bringing up your kids well, or any one of a thousand other talents that 'ordinary' 'everyday' people have all over the world.

CobraMisfit · Mar 8, 2011

Fear is a cancerous rot that eats away at productivity and self-confidence.

Courage, on the other hand, isn't the lack of fear, but the ability to continue forward despite being afraid.

NeuroFizz · Mar 8, 2011

We put words on paper. It is unlikely those words will jump up and harm us in any way. So I guess I don't understand all of this fear stuff.

There are no gains if we don't stand up and go for it. And if we don't meet our goals, we can adjust those goals, we can go back and work hard to take another run at the original goal, or we can slink away.

Here's my question: Why choose the slinking behavior before tossing our guts against the wall trying to achieve our goals?

Not giving our all in the pursuit of our goals because we are afraid of various outcomes on the way to that goal is virtually a guarantee of failure--much closer than going for the goal and coming up short. That's because we can learn for the latter to mount another run or to adjust our goals. We learn nothing from the former.

Eddyz Aquila · Mar 8, 2011

Maryn said:
Know what's cool? Identify several authors here at AW who post a lot and who also have multiple books in print. Books that are doing quite well.

If you read their posts, over a period of time you will realize that they have exactly the fears you do. Plus another one--what if I can't do it again?

Maryn, thinking it's good to know that

Well said.

Keep truckin' along, leave your fears behind.

quicklime · Mar 8, 2011

Ludicrum,

I cannot speak for everyone else, but the fears you cite are normal and typical. In my personal case, enjoying rising to a challenge, competetiveness, and fear of being a quitter/chickenshit simply trump all the others.

I may be afraid to fail, but I'm much more scared of setting a precedent of using that fear to justify never getting off my ass and trying.

AlwaysJuly · Mar 8, 2011

I just have to add my support to the "Everyone's afraid" line, at least on some level. I'm a Marine. I'm pretty confident, by nature and nurture, about everything.

98% of the time I'm confident in my writing, too - not that it's perfect, but that it's decent and I'm learning, moving in the right direction.

But when I sent my novel off to a beta reader recently, I suddenly thought, "Maybe this is all shite" and I didn't want to send it. I know I'll feel the same way when it's time to sub to agents. But whatever. The fear doesn't matter as long as you keep doing what you're supposed to do.

Phaeal · Mar 8, 2011

Most agents just say no or nothing at all. They're not scary. A tough beta, who's RIGHT, on the other hand....

Help dealing with fear.

Caped Codder

Blessed by the AW Gods

Baaa!

I'm a sparkly fairy princess!

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Now what?

So Goth That I Was Born Black

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Is me.

Tell it like it Is

Heckuva good sport

Hoopy frood

I want to be Comic Sans.

The grad students did it

Noob Writers United

all out of fucks to give

slugging through

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.