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Shakesbear
03-07-2011, 01:10 AM
I was wondering what makes you dislike someone? I don't mean because they support a different footie team, or drink red wine and you drink white - but in a way that it is hard to rationalize and maybe even explain. I have come to a wall in a story I am planning. The wall is a woman who is disliked by many because she is a social climber. Is this what dislike can be built on? Can dislike turn to hatred? I've thought about this for too long and can no longer judge what is and isn't believable so any input would be gratefully received.

backslashbaby
03-07-2011, 01:27 AM
I try to tell myself that folks are free to live as they please and it's none of my business, but God yes. Social climbers can be petty, terribly materialistic, offer unwanted tips on life and how to live it... ugh. They usually use backhanded compliments and/or gossip about other folks and try to put them down constantly.

A lot of times their cruelty has ripple effects that can make someone hate them, I think (they ridicule a friend away from her true love because he's 'from the wrong side of the tracks', maybe).

If you make no bones about hating folks, they are easy to hate for just being plain obnoxious, too.

I've never met one that wasn't manipulative as hell. That gets easy to hate ;)

alleycat
03-07-2011, 01:27 AM
Well, we could discuss this for hours (and may).

Here's just one example from real life. I used to know a woman who was attractive, intelligence, articulate, and personable. All good. Almost everyone liked her when they first met her, then their opinion of her would slowly change. After six months or so, many people actively disliked her.

I think the main reason was people came to feel she wasn't really who she seemed to be; she was being false with them and/or putting on a front (more than most of us do). She might tell someone that their new dress was beautiful, then later tell someone else that she couldn't believe anyone would wear a dress like that. Of course, the person she told this to had probably also heard her gush over the dress with the other person. People start to wonder "What's she saying about me behind my back?"

scarletpeaches
03-07-2011, 01:30 AM
Pretty much what alleycat said.

People who wear two faces; one for when they're speaking to you, and another for when they're speaking about you.

Such people always show what they are in the end, and they rarely have genuine friends; usually it's just sycophants who are willing to keep their friends close and their enemies even closer.

alleycat
03-07-2011, 01:33 AM
Or you could just use "irregardless" in a sentence.




(Wait for it . . . )

Puma
03-07-2011, 01:35 AM
I'm probably not going to be much help because what so often happens for me is an instant dislike (maybe distrust). There'll be something about the person that throws up a red flag. It's not a physical something, probably more a body language type of thing, although often I read the caution from a person's eyes.

In your situation, social climber who's disliked - she probably doesn't hesitate to step on someone's toes to get what she wants; she's probably coarsely abrasive in ridiculing people who don't have clothes or things that are chic; she looks down on and talks down to people; it's always me first. She'd be very open (and arrogant) about talking about things she has (including private school for the kiddies, expensive cars, etc.); she'd be good at name dropping and work her way into situations where she'd be noticed by people at the level where she wants to be. I suspect you know the type - always easy to spot. Puma

scarletpeaches
03-07-2011, 01:36 AM
Or you could just use "irregardless" in a sentence.




(Wait for it . . . )I hate you.

CACTUSWENDY
03-07-2011, 01:36 AM
Work ethics could be of low grade. That's a bad thing in many companies.

PrincessofPersia
03-07-2011, 01:36 AM
Or you could just use "irregardless" in a sentence.




(Wait for it . . . )


http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i159/drmg01/Tsar-Nuclear-Explosion.jpg

Goldenleaves
03-07-2011, 01:37 AM
People who look like people I've hated in the past?

People who spit food at me by talking at me when they eat?

People grrrrr

People

PrincessofPersia
03-07-2011, 01:38 AM
I'm probably not going to be much help because what so often happens for me is an instant dislike (maybe distrust). There'll be something about the person that throws up a red flag. It's not a physical something, probably more a body language type of thing, although often I read the caution from a person's eyes.

It's the same for me. It's kind of a snap judgment for me. But I'm almost always correct about the person. If my initial impression is that the person is a w@nker, pretty much 10 times out of 10, he'll turn out to be one.

alleycat
03-07-2011, 01:53 AM
I hate you.


http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i159/drmg01/Tsar-Nuclear-Explosion.jpg

See, sometimes it's just that easy. I'm now hated by two people.

Kenn
03-07-2011, 01:55 AM
I show respect to everyone, but I don't like people who fail to reciprocate it. I don't like arrogance and I don't like selfishness. I think I speak for most people. Social climbers tend not to be liked because, by definition, they are selfish (and can be arrogant).

How do you draw the distinction between dislike and hatred?

Mom'sWrite
03-07-2011, 01:55 AM
I get annoyed with people, it rarely lasts, but I reserve true dislike for former spouses. ;)

KQ800
03-07-2011, 01:59 AM
Something that always gets me frothing is when someone arbitrarily decides that you are wrong about how to do something or what you are doing.

Example: Person enters your office, and proceeds to turn all the pens in your penholder/mug the other way up, not only without asking how you prefer to keep them but also while explaining that "You don't keep pens with the wrong side up. They should be like this."

This can turn me into a fanatic pen-holder-defender in less than two seconds.

Zelenka
03-07-2011, 02:01 AM
I'm probably not going to be much help because what so often happens for me is an instant dislike (maybe distrust). There'll be something about the person that throws up a red flag. It's not a physical something, probably more a body language type of thing, although often I read the caution from a person's eyes.

In your situation, social climber who's disliked - she probably doesn't hesitate to step on someone's toes to get what she wants; she's probably coarsely abrasive in ridiculing people who don't have clothes or things that are chic; she looks down on and talks down to people; it's always me first. She'd be very open (and arrogant) about talking about things she has (including private school for the kiddies, expensive cars, etc.); she'd be good at name dropping and work her way into situations where she'd be noticed by people at the level where she wants to be. I suspect you know the type - always easy to spot. Puma

I have to go with Puma on this one - sometimes it's almost instinctive with me. There is just something about a person that sets my teeth on edge (or in the case of my current situation at work, makes my skin crawl). Often later on I can pin it down and usually it's a kind of arrogance I'm picking up on. I don't like people who sneer down their noses at other people's interests or opinions without even giving it a thought, who think that whatever qualification / experience etc they have makes them better in every way to their colleagues, especially those coming in at the bottom and thinking they know more than the people who've been here for years.

I actually dislike feeling that way though - generally I try to get along with everyone, don't like conflict, and try to be as nice and helpful as I can. Sometimes though, it's just too hard.

(I wish I was just writing about this situation, not sitting at work with it right now...)

Goldenleaves
03-07-2011, 02:04 AM
I get annoyed with people, it rarely lasts, but I reserve true dislike for former spouses. ;)

I'm also often stunned by my former complete lack of taste in the marital area. :e2faint:

Switch-Phase
03-07-2011, 02:05 AM
I find I automatically want to cut down people who speak with a haughty air to everyone while actively displaying a complete lack of knowledge about the subject at hand. Like this one girl who said "Well I'm a natural pagan, but even NORMAL people like you can do this."

Like screw you, paganism is a choice, not a birth right or species. And second, just because I haven't told you what I believe in doesn't automatically mean I'm without equal capabilities. If you're so magic why don't you stop bothering me and go summon a boyfriend? Oh wait you can't because none of your "spells" ever work.

Not that there aren't pagans I respect, but it's condescending people like that who dawn a label and add bs to it while judging everyone around them. They completely miss the point of their own "way of life". Most of the time I keep silent and nod the way one generally does when someone's just said irelevant to the subject.. But it still irks me.

kuwisdelu
03-07-2011, 02:21 AM
Easy. If they're too much like me or far too different from me.

Mr Flibble
03-07-2011, 02:40 AM
I find I automatically want to cut down people who speak with a haughty air to everyone while actively displaying a complete lack of knowledge about the subject at hand. Like this one girl who said "Well I'm a natural pagan, but even NORMAL people like you can do this."

Like screw you, paganism is a choice, not a birth right or species. And second, just because I haven't told you what I believe in doesn't automatically mean I'm without equal capabilities. If you're so magic why don't you stop bothering me and go summon a boyfriend? Oh wait you can't because none of your "spells" ever work.



Please do not hate all pagans because of this! I'd hate that too, and I am a pagan! Hey, every religion has their weirdos...


Dishonesty will make me hate someone every time. Particularly if it is a personal dishonesty/two-faced-ness. Promising things and never delivering is a personal bugbear too.

I can;t say there's many people I hate. Although I reserve a particluar antipathy (read need to annoy the shot out of) a certain ex-wife of my mate. Who blamed her leaving him on me saying 'Hi' to her and then spending some time talking to my mate rather than tell her how great she was....which she relayed as 'Julia was a real bitch to me and disrespected me!'. My mate;' response was 'Nah, if she;d had a go, you'd have scars'. Of course it turned out she left cos she was knobbing the barman...

Smish
03-07-2011, 02:55 AM
Rudeness. I used to have a colleague who wouldn't hold the door for anyone. It was bad enough when he'd let the door slam in my face, but I once witnessed him let the door slam in the face of an elderly man with a walker.

This man would also leave his dirty dishes in the sink for others to wash. Oh, and he'd walk around the office in his socks... and he had incredibly stinky feet.

And once, we had a cake for a colleague, and he took the knife that was being used to cut the cake, and licked all the icing off it. And then didn't replace the knife, of course, so someone else had to go get a clean one.

Ugh. I hate that man.

Giant Baby
03-07-2011, 02:57 AM
The green-eyed monster's always good for gnarley dose of hate.

IceCreamEmpress
03-07-2011, 02:59 AM
Many people who are social climbers are also users and fakes who are untrustworthy and break promises. Becky Sharp in Vanity Fair, for instance. It's a strongly believable type.

My guess is that it would be harder to make a social climber sympathetic--you would have to give that character a backstory that made the social climbing understandable, like having parents who had a really tough time financially because they weren't part of their locality's social elite, and vowing as a child to do whatever it took to get in solid with the movers and shakers in order to provide security for their family.

Nivarion
03-07-2011, 03:17 AM
I hate people who go around talking about stuff stuff like they're the big shit authority on the subject, when really they haven't got a clue.

One example is a new co worker at one of my jobs. He's been there about a week, I've been there a month and a half. On top of that, Its an industry I've worked for over a year, and its his first job in it.

So one could reasonably say that I've got more experience than him right?

Not according to my co worker here.

The other day, while preparing a dish for a customer (I'll not say what it is, for all I know he's an AW'er.) he comes over and tells me that I'm doing it wrong. I then point at a picture of said dish, not five feet from us that shows it exactly how I'm doing it. He still insists that I'm wrong, so I pull out the recipie book that we're supposed to follow and show it to him. He then insisted that me and the book are wrong. He's been doing them his "right way" which is of course, wrong.

Guess he knows more than Me, the shift manager, the store, district, state and corporate as well. Go figure.

shadowwalker
03-07-2011, 03:34 AM
I hate manipulators, so a social-climber would definitely fit in there, as do perpetual victims and know-it-all's and the extremely ambitious and passive-aggressives and... well, you get the picture. You want something from me, tell me. If I can give it and want to, I will. If you try to trick me into it - forget it (along with any future requests).

izumi
03-07-2011, 04:08 AM
Close-mindedness is probably number 1 on my list for disliking a person.

Other than that, I just get passing annoyances from time to time.

Switch-Phase
03-07-2011, 04:13 AM
Please do not hate all pagans because of this! I'd hate that too, and I am a pagan! Hey, every religion has their weirdos...
..

lol No worries, I do have respect for the pagan community, just not the specific ones :D

Miguelito
03-07-2011, 05:08 AM
Sometimes people hate or dislike other people because they see something in them that they fear or are in denial about with themselves.

You can get pretty far with that as an author.

I'd like to think of this as the Ted Haggard/Larry Craig effect. It's more than just hypocrisy, but a struggle to eventually stop denying just what you are.

tiny
03-07-2011, 05:15 AM
My mom, raised a Catholic, always told me an instant dislike or like is your soul recognizing another from a former or former lives. I like that. Love at first sight is much like hate at first sight - hard to say why, it just is. But that's just a tangent.

I personally don't invest that much emotion in people who aren't important in my life. I can't think of anyone at this point whom I dislike other than my brother who did the unforgivable. At first it was simple dislike for his actions, but eventually he stoked it into hate by accusations and betrayal that included stealing my parents' retirement. He's dishonest. And dishonesty is something that can easily cause me to hate someone.

Kitti
03-07-2011, 05:15 AM
I haven't read all the replies above, so maybe someone's already said this. The only people who I can honestly say I *hate* are those who have harmed either me or someone I love, with the greater hatred reserved for those who hurt others. This doesn't have to be intentional - most incidents that immediately come to mind were stupidity, ignorance, or just plain not-caring-about-consequences. So I could see a social climber seriously hurting people through their activities, transforming dislike for their social climbing to outright hatred for the consequences of their social climbing.

rhymegirl
03-07-2011, 05:43 AM
I think it would be easier to answer why do I like another person. I like people who are considerate of others, fun to be with, have good values, and who think people matter more than things.

If someone isn't like that, I probably don't like them.

Xelebes
03-07-2011, 06:28 AM
Key word: double standard. This builds resentment. Determine what the double standard is and poof, you got the bone to pick.

IceCreamEmpress
03-07-2011, 06:47 AM
Guess he knows more than me, the shift manager, the store, district, state and corporate as well. Go figure.

There's a word for this in German--Besserwisser, or "one who knows better"--that has a connotation of being annoyed by the person's hubris and mistaken sense of competence that goes beyond the connotation conveyed by "know it all" in English.

Shakesbear
03-07-2011, 10:38 AM
Thank you! WOW! I did not expect such a response. I will have to read over the replies again. Much to think about and many insights into the character. Thanks again - but please keep 'em coming!

pdr
03-07-2011, 12:24 PM
the way many people see social climbing as about wealth and possessions.

Is that what you want, Shakesbear or are you seeking the class system or power seeking social climber?

Social climbers, who by deceit and deviousness use people to acquire power and status, can be, on first acquaintance, charming and delightful, but that effect wears off when one discovers that one is merely being used for contacts, position or as a means to wangle a special invitation.

I'm with puma that sometimes the chemistry is just all wrong with a person and their body language, personal chemistry, of which a person's own scent, (No, not like BO, it's much more subtle.) and voice tone grate and set up one's hackles.

blacbird
03-07-2011, 12:51 PM
I have a huge problem with loud, overbearing rude people. Plus what Shadowwalker just said.

Mr Flibble
03-07-2011, 01:11 PM
I can't think of anyone at this point whom I dislike other than my brother who did the unforgivable.

I think I'd blocked my brother from my mind when I posted.

Add 'people who spout hate shit/bigoted bollocks I know they don't even believe, and pin it on a kid, just to make themselves feel better about themselves'

Let's just say, anyone who has to make wild accusations about the sexuality of a child(among other things, but that was his mainstay) so he can say I'm a bad parent in order to boost their own self esteem gets disowned. And then says he 'doesn't mean to upset you'. Yeah, right, bigotry was meant to cheer me up.

Insert many nasty words here.

KQ800
03-07-2011, 06:11 PM
There's a word for this in German--Besserwisser, or "one who knows better"--that has a connotation of being annoyed by the person's hubris and mistaken sense of competence that goes beyond the connotation conveyed by "know it all" in English.

Besserwisser has been imported into my country too. In Sweden a common ruse is to claim someone is a Messerschmidt, as in the aircraft manufacturer. Thus giving the accused rope to hang himself when he corrects you.

PinkAmy
03-07-2011, 08:20 PM
I don't dislike most people, I dislike behaviors. I hate when people try to shove their way of life onto other people and stick their noses into other people's business. Live and let life. I dislike whining, manipulating, obtuseness, prejudice, bullying, selfishness. Most of the people I dislike are public people who I don't really know personally, those who use their power to disenfranchise the poor or minorities.

Alpha Echo
03-07-2011, 08:30 PM
Yes - fake people. Definitely fake people.

Also, people like my mother who are so closed minded and believe only what they believe is the correct way to go or way to think. People that use passive-aggression to make their sarcastic little points.

Also, people who think they're entitled to whatever they want.

heza
03-07-2011, 09:05 PM
People who assume they know better even if they don't know me at all. Sort of the used-car salesman approach to dealing with everyone:

"What you really want is a..." Even if that's absolutely not want I want and especially if they argue with me about it after I correct their assumptions.


People who refuse to participate in social requirements but still reap benefits:

"I don't like Carol. I'm not giving you a dollar to put toward a cake for her office birthday party. But do tell me when the cake arrives; I'd like a piece."

Or the neighbors who, after I broke my ankle, watched from their yard as I struggled to the mailbox, fell while trying to pick up mail I'd dropped in the street, and hobbled back to my door, and then who came over an hour later to hammer me about buying cookies for their daughter's school fundraiser.


People who befriend other people and then drop them the second they become less useful:

"I'm so glad you decided to go to the movie with me. Maybe we could invite your friend Jack, too. What? On his honeymoon... You know, now that I think about it, I already promised my other friend, Susan, that I'd go to dinner with her. So sorry. We're going to her brother's restaurant. He used to be a model, you know. Maybe we can go to the movies another time. Let me know if Jack ever gets divorced."

IceCreamEmpress
03-07-2011, 09:22 PM
Besserwisser has been imported into my country too. In Sweden a common ruse is to claim someone is a Messerschmidt, as in the aircraft manufacturer. Thus giving the accused rope to hang himself when he corrects you.

That is so brilliant I can hardly stand it!

Shakesbear
03-07-2011, 09:39 PM
the way many people see social climbing as about wealth and possessions.

Is that what you want, Shakesbear or are you seeking the class system or power seeking social climber?

Social climbers, who by deceit and deviousness use people to acquire power and status, can be, on first acquaintance, charming and delightful, but that effect wears off when one discovers that one is merely being used for contacts, position or as a means to wangle a special invitation.

I'm with puma that sometimes the chemistry is just all wrong with a person and their body language, personal chemistry, of which a person's own scent, (No, not like BO, it's much more subtle.) and voice tone grate and set up one's hackles.


I think I am seeking the class system - the social climber who wants to belong to a certain class/set. By wanting to belong to a social set she is implying that other social sets are worthless to her. She has no sense of humour and is incapable of seeing how foolish her behaviour is. I think I might call the character Felicity.

I am going to read through all your wonderful posts - they really are a great help - and will probably restructure parts of my planning.

Chase
03-07-2011, 10:52 PM
Some really deep thoughts here for liking and disliking. My girlfriend and I are almost opposites. She likes or dislikes people on-the-spot for what they say and only too late realizes what some say and do are worlds apart.

Still, she thinks it cynical and even twisted when I accept what people say po-faced and then wait to see what they do.

No amount of "I told you so" changes our methodology. Among the many quotes attributed to Albert Einstein: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

Kenn
03-07-2011, 11:26 PM
Social climbers are called 'wannabes' around here. It is not a term of endearment.

Goldenleaves
03-08-2011, 02:04 AM
I do not like thee Doctor Fell,
The reason why I cannot tell,
But this I know and know full well,
I do not like thee Doctor Fell.

Old nursery rhyme.

Besserwisser. Messerschmidt. I knew I'd like to learn German. Nice.

Sarpedon
03-08-2011, 02:32 AM
Jealousy is probably a very plausible thing. I'm not known for my tendency to dislike people, but I'm honest enough to say that some of the most intense dislikes I've ever had are entirely due to jealousy.

Kitty27
03-08-2011, 03:24 AM
I hate people who act like they know everything. Especially when act like they are the authority on what is acceptable for a subculture or community and anything that doesn't meet that is wrong. STFU,trick. Er,excuse me.

I intensely dislike ignorant people,especially those that speak hate towards others. I had a friend who was so racist and homophobic that I had to end the friendship. I just cannot tolerate bigots.

I don't like misery sisters aka those friends who always have a tale of woe or allow life to trample them. They always call you with sniveling and snot,casting bad energy your way. For Goth's sake,cry,have a stiff drink,howl,etc. Then STFU,get up and get on with it. These people will suck the joy out of everything!

Carmy
03-08-2011, 04:55 AM
I tend to feel the same way as Puma and Tiny. It's a certain "something" in a person's eyes that triggers me to be suspicious and keep my distance. Whether this is "old souls" recognizing each other, me being able to see past a facade, or being prejudiced even though I don't know it, is something I can't answer. All I know is that, with some people, warning bells go off. Those bells have never been proved wrong yet.

I hate people who harrass others and tell lies.

Priene
03-08-2011, 09:50 AM
I remember once seeing a woman asleep in a train carriage and think how horrible she was. She was not at all physically ugly, but the way her unconscious face made me thoroughly dislike her.

Then she woke up, and turned out to be thoroughly opinionated and obnoxious. I felt vindicated, and strangely perturbed.

Buffysquirrel
03-08-2011, 09:25 PM
I remember someone I worked with, briefly, who used to make remarks in the form of, 'I hate it when people don't understand the difference between...whatever and whatever2.' What she meant was, I hate it when YOU do it, but she could never come at anything straight. She was also the worst name-dropper. I think I also disliked her because our boss, who was usually not very complaisant, gave her everything she wanted. Gah. :)

Goldenleaves
03-09-2011, 06:34 PM
True story here,

I was nursing as a care asistant at this hospital and one of the nurses was just - weird. Not interesting weird, unpleasantly creepy. No-one liked her. It didn't help that she set up an open house invite because (she said) she and her partner were 'swingers'. Most of us were very broadminded so it wasn't that. She was just - creepy. Obviously we were all still nice to her, pleasant working atmosphere to maintain and all, but the fact is that no-one liked her. We sometimes wondered why in the staff room. Couldn't understand it.

One day she went to the nurse in charge and told him she was afraid her partner was going to kill her. Further questions were asked. She told him that there was a head sitting in the fridge at home, it'd been there for a week or so, because her partner had killed and cut up one of their friends.

This nurse and her partner had for months been out driving, picking up hookers and killing them, then plonking bits of them in black garbage bags all over the hills. Now they weren't getting on and she was afraid he'd end up killing her next.

Obviously the charge nurse thought she was delusional, but duty told him he had to call the police. So he did, and in what seemed like seconds the whole hospital was surrounded by police cars. She'd left by then, but the police raided their house, caught both of them, and they did, indeed, have a head in their fridge. They were actually serial killers and the police had been hunting them for a while.

I may have got a few details wrong (it was about thirty years ago) but this is true.

We had several conversations about why we couldn't take to her well before it happened. No-one could put their finger on what it was they didn't like about her. It was just this - ugh - creepy - feeling.

Elaine Margarett
03-09-2011, 07:19 PM
Big egos are an instant turn-off not to mention a giant red flag, although most people aren't aware they're waving it.

I don't care how smart you *think* you are, or how talented you *think* you are, or how right you *think* you are. The more effort someone puts into convincing me of their special-ness, the more I'm inclined to think the opposite.

I worked with one woman who introduced herself to me by saying she's smarter than most people she knows. LOL. My reaction was if she was that smart, she wouldn't have to say anything. People would eventually figure it out.<g>

I also tend to avoid anyone who refers to themselves as gods/goddesses or likens themselves to royalty. I find it off-putting.

Elaine Margarett
03-09-2011, 07:29 PM
I don't like misery sisters aka those friends who always have a tale of woe or allow life to trample them. They always call you with sniveling and snot,casting bad energy your way. For Goth's sake,cry,have a stiff drink,howl,etc. Then STFU,get up and get on with it. These people will suck the joy out of everything!


My friends and I call these people 'emotional vampires'. We avoid them at all costs. <g>

Goldenleaves
03-09-2011, 07:49 PM
My friends and I call these people 'emotional vampires'. We avoid them at all costs. <g>

No-one ever thinks about them or does anything for them? And people put on them all the time? If only people were more considerate and understood how sensitive they were? And everyone they know is the same. That's the clue.

Us goddesses know these things :e2file:

Buffysquirrel
03-09-2011, 09:15 PM
Ah, learned helplessness. Sucks.

Kenn
03-09-2011, 09:41 PM
.....I don't care how smart you *think* you are, or how talented you *think* you are, or how right you *think* you are. The more effort someone puts into convincing me of their special-ness, the more I'm inclined to think the opposite.....
Nobody likes people who have a superiority complex. But I suspect a lot of people who keep trying to tell you how good they are, have exactly the opposite. They say these things because need reassurance. Not all of them, but some anyway.

LaceWing
03-09-2011, 10:14 PM
The topic of this thread has been in the back of my mind for a few days now. What's settled out of my thinking is this: I'm most disappointed by those who abuse my kindness or, for that matter, the kindness of others.

maggi90w1
03-09-2011, 11:48 PM
A biggie for me is ridiculing people because of their weight, how they look, what cloths they wear, etc. I don't like vain and shallow people, so that's an instant turn off.

backslashbaby
03-10-2011, 02:24 AM
The ridicule thing can be more ingrained in certain cultures. The kind of culture that attracts social climbers is just full of it. I know a lot of solid folks who attract wannabes, but from what I've seen, that class is just full of shallow people. You're supposed to make fun of people or their style, etc. *shudder*

A social climber would ridicule the 'right folks to ridicule,' I'm pretty darned sure. I suppose wanting to 'climb' socially is probably a shallow enough goal that that's a no-brainer.

Shakesbear
03-10-2011, 03:03 AM
The ridicule thing can be more ingrained in certain cultures. The kind of culture that attracts social climbers is just full of it. I know a lot of solid folks who attract wannabes, but from what I've seen, that class is just full of shallow people. You're supposed to make fun of people or their style, etc. *shudder*

A social climber would ridicule the 'right folks to ridicule,' I'm pretty darned sure. I suppose wanting to 'climb' socially is probably a shallow enough goal that that's a no-brainer.

What about certain groups who attract social climbers because they have some virtues (real or imagined) that the climber wants to emulate? I had a colleague some years ago who wanted to be part of the local 'horsey set' - her desperation was not based, as far as I could ascertain, on a love of horses but on her perception of the set. She was ridiculed by some colleagues who took offence at her wanting to be part of another set. I thought that was shallow.

Melancholia
03-10-2011, 06:46 PM
Yes, jealousy is something that is common in all human beings, it just varies within a certain degree. It all depends on the person...

So, you have the social climber (we'll call her SC) and she's doing well. I'll give you an example of how people may react to her.

Very rich and successful lady = Cares little about SC. What reason is there to be jealous when she's wealthier and higher in rank?

Ordinary woman = Admires SC at first (it usually starts here...admiration), then it twists into jealousy because seeing SC reminds her of how small her accomplishments are.

Not-ordinary woman with past baggage = HATES SC because she feels as if she's drowning in SC's achievements.

backslashbaby
03-10-2011, 09:42 PM
What about certain groups who attract social climbers because they have some virtues (real or imagined) that the climber wants to emulate? I had a colleague some years ago who wanted to be part of the local 'horsey set' - her desperation was not based, as far as I could ascertain, on a love of horses but on her perception of the set. She was ridiculed by some colleagues who took offence at her wanting to be part of another set. I thought that was shallow.

It just seems so disingenuous if she wasn't into horses, you know? Was it for status? Of course, if she's a grown woman she can do what she likes :D I can't see what would be shallow about thinking the woman insincere. Too much in her business? Probably ;)

sian
03-12-2011, 03:34 AM
We always hate what we don't understand (or fear) and can't manipulate into being more like us. Our insecurities form our prejudices in most cases. In other cases, prejudices are adopted from our peers/family/social circle, wherein we hate what they hate without always understanding why but assuming that there must be something to it if "everyone" is on board. No smoke without fire, as they say. And the fact is that you can look at just about ANYONE and find something bad about them worth disliking. You can also look at that same person and find something good about them worth liking. No one is all bad or all good. It's just a matter of perspective. Too often, when we let insecurity, jealousy, fear, or lack of understanding compel us, we find ourselves selectively noticing only the bad and ignoring the good as if it didn't exist.

Rufus Coppertop
03-12-2011, 05:27 AM
Or you could just use "irregardless" in a sentence.


Using irregardless is enough.

Or tyoo hyoots instead of two hoots?

I heard a social climber with a twelve plum mouth perpetrate that one, once.

Shakesbear
03-12-2011, 07:49 AM
It just seems so disingenuous if she wasn't into horses, you know? Was it for status? Of course, if she's a grown woman she can do what she likes :D I can't see what would be shallow about thinking the woman insincere. Too much in her business? Probably ;)


I meant that the colleagues who ridiculed her were shallow. They did not understand her need and were not tolerant of it.

Tiger
03-14-2011, 10:49 PM
Self-aggrandizers. Big words, big gestures, big speech coming from people who know because they know. I do not equate these behaviors with big egos--rather the opposite, I'd think. In my younger days (when I had patience for this sort of thing) I once spent over an hour in a car with a guy who spoke for 45 minutes straight about himself. He asked me what my major in college was, and then immediately launched into a description of a book I really ought to read because......*

Rhoda Nightingale
03-15-2011, 06:30 PM
I have a "friend" who constantly digs at people based on their jobs. Apparently this guy who used to go to school with us went to college, didn't finish, came back, and is now working at a pizza place. This is somehow funny to her. To me, it just doesn't seem like much fun. Or maybe he's happy there--I dunno, I don't even remember what this guy looks like. I spent five years at a bakery-cafe after I graduated college. I don't judge people for that crap.

I also dislike micromanagers, lazy people, and liars. Lie to me once, and it is over.

Lyra Jean
03-15-2011, 07:11 PM
There was a girl I shared classes with in college. She was very intelligent but socially awkward to the extreme. She reminded me of myself in high school. I was smart enough but didn't know how to make friends at all.

I tried liking her but we'd have a conversation and it's like no I'm right and your wrong. For example, I watch Law & Order and she watched Psych. She asked if I liked Psych. I told her no as I had seen a few episodes but found to unrealistic for my taste. The way she argued with me about it totally got under my skin. I dropped a class because she was in it and I think I was failing it anyways.

Then there was the couple of times I gave her a ride. I know what it's like having to depend on public transport and it was raining. She proceeded to change the radio station and tell me how to drive. She didn't even have a learner's permit. After that, I didn't give her anymore rides.

In this case, I think it was I saw too much of how I used to be. No one else seemed to like her either. You could say her name, which is extremely common, and people would know who you were talking about. I felt really bad for her and hated her at the same time.

JoNightshade
03-15-2011, 07:31 PM
A different kind of dislike - sometimes you meet someone who just gives you the willies. Like, there's nothing you can pinpoint, really, but something about them is just WRONG. When I was teaching in China one of my teaching partners was very, uh... well she was an older woman who loved having people fawn all over her, and when you're white in China you can pick up those kind of people. Anyway, her "best buddy" was this guy who just made everyone else's skin crawl. In some way we could never define he was just "wrong." All of us felt this way (four teachers) and we all just did everything we could to avoid him. If I had to describe it I think I'd say what made him creepy might have been that it felt like he was just trying too hard to be NORMAL. Like he was totally conscious that there was something strange about himself and he had become an expert at covering up. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't be surprised to find out was a serial killer.

SaraFMC
03-15-2011, 07:35 PM
Outside of the obnoxious, deceitful, manipulative, and rude...

I've found that people (including myself) often seem to most dislike the qualities in other people that bring up their own insecurities.

If you deeply fear being a certain way, or having a certain trait of yours found out, you'll hate anyone who epitomizes that quality.

Which can be a part of why people's parents drive them crazy.

Ever since I first had this thought, I check myself when I feel annoyed by someone, to see if I share the quality that annoys me. More often than not, I realize that in some way, I do.