Different way to write 'Suddenly,'?

Maybe just the reaction can tell that the movement was sudden. "When his hands wrapped around my waist it took my breath away." Just a thought.

Without noticing, my breath escaped me as he put his arms around me.

In the next heartbeat his hands were on my waist.

I would stay far away from suddenly. I love the word. Like, I would marry it. But I have heard so much hate for that word from editor and agent blogs. I know, it is sad. But thats the word on the street.

Also, I like what bysharonnelson said, try making it clear without the suddenly.

I am not a big fan of suddenly or any of its derivatives. Reason, its passive. IMHO...much better to just show the sudden action, though, whatever, as it occurs.

Whenever possible, use a verb that implies suddenness. I can't think of one for the example sentence you provided, but in many cases, this works well.

I think they dislike the over-use of any word. I have a few words that I do the same thing with so when I am editing I do cntrl-f in Word and find the word and replace it with something else.

think about what your trying to say

Suddenly technically means unexpectedly, so you can use that word, or imply that word, in your sentence. Many people use suddenly to mean quickly or abruptly, so you can use those as well.

Suddenly is kind of a vague word - do you mean unexpected, quickly, fast, unanticipated or not predicted?

A lot of the time you can simply leave "suddenly" off, we only use it because we're used to it. Very few things actually happen "suddenly."

She had absolutely no clue or hint that he was going to put his hands around her waist? A complete shock? Then he'll probably be hit up with a sexual harassment lawsuit soon

In your case, "unexpectedly" might have a lot more power because it's unambiguous.

c.m.n. said:

Suddenly, he wrapped his hands around my waist.

Thanks

Click to expand...

http://thesaurus.com/browse/sudden

abrupt, accelerated, acute, expeditious, fast, flash, fleet, hasty, headlong, hurried, immediate, impetuous, impromptu, impulsive, out of the blue, precipitant, precipitate, precipitous, quick, quickened, rapid, rash, rushing, spasmodic, speeded, subito, swift, unforeseen, unusual

Much of the time it's implied and doesn't need stating explicitly. If an action is obviously fast or sudden, you don't need to spoonfeed the reader by saying so. If you're using suddenly too much, consider whether you need it at all in many cases, rather than keep looking for alternatives.

In Elmore Leonard's 10 rules of writing, one of them is never use the phrase 'all hell broke loose,' or the word 'suddenly,' when writing a novel.

If you simply never use "suddenly" or "instantly", etc., you'll find the better way of saying it out of necessity.

But can't suddenly and all of its brethren be useful every now and again?

Sometimes, it just seems to break up the rhythm in a good way, and make an action stand out, does it not? I'm talking once every couple thousand words or so. At any rate, definitely limit the use, as repetition is bad.

cutecontinent said:

But can't suddenly and all of its brethren be useful every now and again?

Click to expand...

Yes.

More than the use of "suddenly", what I find distracting is how narrow her waist -- or how big his hands -- must be.

How about....

With passion that took my breath away, he squeezed by teeny eeny waist.

Just kidding.

Suddenly is one of those words I add because I don't think my sentences are flowing well. However, once I remove the suddenly and rewrite it with active phrasing, my sentences flow just fine (and much better than they did with suddenly).