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View Full Version : Need Some Help from Parents/Friends of 8-13-yr-old Girls



Carradee
02-26-2011, 02:22 AM
I'm writing an article on how to handle bullies, but I need specific example stories. I know tips that work, because I used them myself while in the 8-13 age range.

But the publication wants examples of present-day girls using my tips. So. Y'all who have a daughter that age, has she been bullied? If so, can you share stories of herů


Making sure she didn't cause it by accidentally offending the bully first?
Taking the insult as a compliment (i.e., saying "Thanks!" when called a teacher's pet)?
Responding with "So?" when accused of being something, because everyone's different?
Asking why the thing others are giving 'em a hard time over is such a big deal (like getting name brand clothes, since Goodwill's oh-so-cheaper)?
Acting oblivious to the fact that she's being teased (like nicely asking if something thrown belongs to the bully in question, and returning itů repeatedly)?
Avoiding physical confrontation?
Getting adult help?


I will, of course, change names of the gals involved. And if you know of somewhere that has examples of these kinds of stories, that would be much appreciated.

Note: This looked like the best place to put this question. If I'm missing a forum, or if this is a bad post for AbsoluteWrite, I'll get the hint when I see it moved or deleted, and avoid repeating this kind of topic in the future. Thanks.

DistortedPenguin
03-12-2011, 05:17 AM
I was mercilessly bullied as a young teenager, so not that long ago. Here is one of my stories:

When I was in 6th grade, my class was reading Boy of the Painted Cave by Justen Denzel. We choose who was to read via the "popcorn" method, where a kid reads out loud and then chooses another kid to read out loud, so on and so forth. I ended up getting a part where a wolf howls. The author actually wrote "ARRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU!", and being the actress I was, I said it that way-- I howled.
Four the next four years I was referred to as "wolf girl".
I was teased mercilessly, and people would howl or scratch like they had fleas whenever I came around. Even my teacher made fun of me.
One time I walked in late to Pre-Algebra with a slip from the health office. One of the boys who sat near me spoke loudly for the whole class to hear: "SO, wolf girl, do you have RABIES?!" I smiled sweetly at him and gently said: "Nope, just a bloody nose, but thanks for your concern!" He was baffled, and I struggled to keep from laughing!

Is that what you're looking for? 'Cause I have tons more where that came from!

crunchyblanket
03-12-2011, 04:00 PM
I was bullied mercilessly at school, but was lucky enough to have had a mum who taught me to shrug it off. I remember coming into school once with my dad's old leather jacket (way too big) and a pair of floral Doc Marten's (it was a 'wear your own clothes day') All the other kids were wearing some label or other and I was practically the only one not dressed that way. After a lot of teasing I politely asked them all if they would kindly wear name badges because I was having difficulty telling them all apart. They didn't like that at all.

Another time (I was about 14 when this happened) I was caught by two older kids. They put a dog's collar around my neck and started dragging me around the school on a lead. This is completely true - the teachers actually thought it was funny. I thought the only way to deal with it was to make out like it didn't bother me, so I spent the whole time reading from my science textbook. In hindsight, it probably made them do it for longer, but it was satisfying not to react.

mscelina
03-12-2011, 04:31 PM
I'm sorry, but I take objection to the first item on your list--making sure she didn't cause it by offending the bully first. I counsel LGBT teens who are being bullied in this area, and that is the worst possible thing these kids could ever hear.

To me, that smacks of a blame the victim mentality. There is no excuse for bullying. None. The victim of an attack doesn't 'cause' the bullying; the bully causes the bullying. Period. "She started it" is the typical excuse bullies give when confronted by authority figures--one that's altogether too readily accepted by those teachers, prinicipals, coaches and parents. Bullying is far more insidious than that--a constant campaign of degradation and physical violence that escalates over time. It's not a one-time event. The stronger kids identify and torture the weaker ones. So how, precisely, can the victim 'cause' that?

THe Stop Bullying site -- http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/warning_signs/index.html

has a lot of great information involving bullying, how to detect the warning signs of bullying and how to address it. The page involving how kids can stop bullying http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/cyberbullying/young_people/index.html will give you a good starting point for your article.

It's extremely important never to state or imply that the victim is somehow responsible for being bullied. Otherwise, your article could do more harm than good. Good luck to you on this article, and I hope it touches many young lives in a positive way.

DistortedPenguin
03-13-2011, 04:55 AM
Another time (I was about 14 when this happened) I was caught by two older kids. They put a dog's collar around my neck and started dragging me around the school on a lead. This is completely true - the teachers actually thought it was funny. I thought the only way to deal with it was to make out like it didn't bother me, so I spent the whole time reading from my science textbook. In hindsight, it probably made them do it for longer, but it was satisfying not to react.[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry-- I can't decide which was worse, the physical attacks or the mental games. Both left scars.
Yeah, the bullying never completely stopped (even today I'll get shoved around and picked on), but it drastically lessened. I found that just ignoring it really works for the most part. I also found escape in music, drawing, and of course writing.

crunchyblanket
03-13-2011, 06:49 PM
The best advice I ever got was to ignore it. They didn't get their satisfaction, and I found that if I didn't let it get to me, things were easier to deal with. I also found escape in creativity. It sucks, but we get there in the end, and I like to think we emerge stronger for it :)

DistortedPenguin
03-14-2011, 11:17 PM
It sucks, but we get there in the end, and I like to think we emerge stronger for it :)

Amen to that.

BunnyMaz
03-15-2011, 12:33 AM
I was mercilessly bullied in school. I was a socially awkward teen dealing with sexual abuse issues I hadn't told anyone about, confused about my sexuality and not at all ready for puberty to turn up. I was also an unapologetic geek - actually, with my social skills probably more of a nerd!. I'll give you some of the examples I had to deal with if you like.


Making sure she didn't cause it by accidentally offending the bully first?Mostly I would be sitting on my own out of the way doing something like reading, writing, eating lunch or discussing star trek with a fellow geek. The bullies would come find me - trust me, I never provoked them.


Taking the insult as a compliment (i.e., saying "Thanks!" when called a teacher's pet)?Hmmm... I never got called a teacher's pet. I often got called a fat, smelly ugly cow, a rough bird, a freak, a cunt and so on. Now, if any of them had ever bothered with bitch, for example, I would have definitely gone with the "thanks!" option.


Asking why the thing others are giving 'em a hard time over is such a big deal (like getting name brand clothes, since Goodwill's oh-so-cheaper)?Never, ever worked. They didn't "care", they just thought it was funny to make me squirm or to try and get a reaction out of me. There were a couple of even less well-adjusted kids than me who could be relied upon to throw really entertaining wobblers if pushed - I always figured they were trying for the same with me.


Acting oblivious to the fact that she's being teased (like nicely asking if something thrown belongs to the bully in question, and returning it… repeatedly)?They found that immensley entertaining when I tried this and did it more.


Avoiding physical confrontation?I got stuff thrown at me from across the hall and, again, they sought me out. Most of the time my reaction came down to just head down ignoring them, but when they wanted to get rough they could and did. That said, the thing that eventually stopped them was when I stopped ignoring and, instead of avoiding confrontation, shoved one of the little gits into a table by his throat and throttled him while screaming at him about the FIVE BLEEPING YEARS OF THIS CRAP. They left me alone after that! A couple of them even started being NICE!


Getting adult help?This got me beat up by the mates of the ones that I told on. Not a good idea.

Honestly, a lot of the bullying I dealt with wasa not easy stuff to react to in any way to make it stop. There was the times when I was eating something at lunch and a kid would come up behind me and slam my face into the food making oink noises. A few boys would get up in class if the teacher left to get something and start violently dry-humping the back of my chair. They tried a few times to trick me into thinking one of them had a crush on me to see if I would act happy about it - considering how often they made sure I knew they thought I wasn't fit to spit on I'm not sure why they ever thought I would fall for that one. Then there was stuff like the time they found out I cared about the environment, so would make a point of throwing rubbish on the floor around me or vandalising trees when I was nearby. Or the many, many times they liked to remind me that my dad was dead and wasn't that hilarious.

At the moment, my little niece (6 years old) is also getting bullied in school. There was more than one occassion where a group of boys physically held her down while another one beat her up :( Telling the teachers hasn't changed anything.

Carradee
03-15-2011, 03:54 PM
Yikes. Lots of rough experiences here. But thank you for sharing, all. It is helpful.

mscelina, I guess a better way of phrasing that one would be "Make sure you didn't accidentally offend the bully first."

skylark
03-16-2011, 04:22 PM
Yikes. Lots of rough experiences here. But thank you for sharing, all. It is helpful.

mscelina, I guess a better way of phrasing that one would be "Make sure you didn't accidentally offend the bully first."

I don't see how that makes it better. Do you think it's okay to bully someone if they accidentally offended you first? Because I don't.

Lyra Jean
03-16-2011, 04:44 PM
I honestly think you should just get rid of that first question. Because it doesn't matter what the bullied kid does the bully will always find something offensive. It's a no win situation.

crunchyblanket
03-16-2011, 05:36 PM
I agree with the posters above. Accidentally offending someone does not justify bullying in any way. If I had read that when I was younger, I would almost certainly have gone on to blame myself for the treatment I received.

Devil Ledbetter
03-16-2011, 05:41 PM
I
Taking the insult as a compliment (i.e., saying "Thanks!" when called a teacher's pet)?
This has been my daughter's favorite response. "Thanks for noticing."

She plays trombone. To the frequent middle school taunts of "Heh, heh, you play the tromboner" she quickly replies, "Yes. And you play the nothing."

Kitty27
03-17-2011, 05:36 AM
I also agree with the other posters. A bullied child doesn't ever do anything to offend bullies.

I was a Goth in a sea of gangster wannabes and preps. Black culture was extremely homogeneous back then and reading Anne Rice while listening to Coal Chamber wasn't the thing. I endured everything from being called an Oreo to being attacked in the bathroom. Devil worshiper was the mildest epithet that I was called. It got so bad that I tried to fake being sick to avoid going to school. When I was about 12,some girls chased me home from school. I came in the house crying and shaking because I was terrified. My mother gave me a bat and locked me outside. She refused to let me back inside the house until I had handled my business. I grew up in the projects and any sign of weakness meant that your life would be a living hell. She told me if you start running from folks,you'll always be running. My stepdad instructed me that a properly delivered right hook brings peace out of confusion. So I met fire with fire. A bully tried me,I kicked their ass or tried my best to do so. I lost a lot of fights because the heifers were built like linebackers but I still went down fighting. Slowly but surely,they learned to leave me alone.

I am not advocating violence but that's how it was with my parents and community. You either fought back or stayed getting stepped on. Being bullied is a terrible experience for a kid. I feel for anyone whose been through it.

Carradee
03-17-2011, 05:11 PM
…When in the 8-13 age range, I myself experienced situations where I'd accidentally offended the bullies or that they took offense at something they assumed about me, and when I tracked down and corrected the source, we actually became friends. I'm still in touch with one of them, over a decade later.

Lyra Jean
03-17-2011, 05:37 PM
Experience is experience so I'm not arguing with you on that.

When I find someone does something offensive towards me and they don't know that it is offensive I tell them nicely that it's offensive. I have a male friend who for whatever reason thinks it's offensive for women to wear tank tops in the presence of men. I did not know this and he told me so. So in the future I didn't wear tank tops in his company. If he was a bully I'm sure he would just called me a dirty whore or something to that effect and not even try to have a conservation about the said offense.

cuddlekins
03-17-2011, 10:02 PM
I'm really ashamed to say this, but back in school I was the bully. Though, it was really mild stuff, compared to what some people have experienced here. Mine was an all girls school and the worst I had done was lock a girl in the loo cubicle. Other things included hiding PT uniforms, eating others lunch, etc.

PS. I suddenly feel very ashamed and small.:(