Feeling like the bad guy

They're all perfectly good reasons for not doing it. Why can't your sister be the guarantor, what with it being her son and all?

I'm with Silent Rob on this one. It's your sister's responsibility, not yours. I'm all for helping family out when possible, but there's a limit.

I just saw your reply to Rob. That's unfortunate, but it still doesn't make it your responsibility. This isn't a quick loan to get the kid some books. This is way too much to take on if you're not absolutely sure you could afford to lose it.

No, you're not. I wouldn't do it either.

It's a pretty awkward position to be put in. Seems to me that people often don't think these things through before asking.

If it's a shared flat, you might find that one of the other flatmates manages to get somebody to do it.

Personally, I think she shouldn't have asked you. I don't think it was fair because of the position it put you in. And your answer to her was justified because nothing is set in stone. Something could happen leaving you holding the bill in the hand.

brainstorm77 said:

No, you're not. I wouldn't do it either.

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Agreed. I know it's hard to shut off the "but I should've done more!" voice in your brain, but that voice shouldn't be confused with objective truth.

seun, if you can't deal with the consequences of a disaster there, you can't. That's the best reason of all to say no.

If you had a gabillion dollars, OTOH, and were just withholding because you didn't like your sister's birthday present from last year? My answer might be different.

I just had to explain to my siblings why they couldn't agree to an unlimited reimbursement for painting my mom's house if its sale fails. "How much money can y'all put toward this?" "Um, not much." "OK, then. We tally that 'not much' for each of us and the total of that tally is our max liability." "But that's not fair!" *headdesk*

Sometimes it's harder than others to separate out feeling and sense!

Seun- if in any way they hold this against you, then it's their issue.

Seun, I think the key thing here is that if it really is just a formality, you'd be confident that your sister would step in and deal with any issues that arose. If you're not, then it's far more than a formality and it's perfectly reasonable to say no.

As for being the bad guy - the refusal's based on a rational assessment of your ability to take the fall if you needed to, not on you being a big, fat meanie. So you're just the rational guy.

My father co-signed a loan for a cousin of mine years ago. Guess who ended up paying it off?

Silent Rob said:

As for being the bad guy - the refusal's based on a rational assessment of your ability to take the fall if you needed to, not on you being a big, fat meanie. So you're just the rational guy.

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This.

You're not the bad guy, Seun. Rob is.


(But seriously, I agree with everyone else.)

The only way I'd agree to it would be if his mother then signed a note for the amount you'd be guaranteeing - ie, she would be legally responsible to pay you back if things went topsy-turvy. She should be willing to do that, since I'm assuming she would've signed for her son if she'd been "eligible".

seun said:

Yep. And that's a risk I can't take.

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I hope they understand that.

kayleamay said:

You're not the bad guy, Seun. Rob is.

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*high five*

seun said:

Well, when I said no, I was wearing a tall hat and cape. And I laughed evilly as I twirled my tache.

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But look, seun's even badder.

I don't know how you can live with yourself, seun. Especially with that tache.

if i were really close with the kid...then i'd probably do it...but only if my wife agreed...either of these factors out...then no...

No. It's not just money. It's your security.